Goodbye DC

Well, my visit back home to the DC area was certainly eventful. I came for my brother's graduation from Thomas Jefferson High School (which consequently is the nation's best). Or, so say the High School rating people (whoever they are). And it got me thinking. If his school is 'the best,' then what school is 'the worst?'

Because to be honest the term 'the best' tends to strike me as perhaps a little subjective. It's like saying vanilla ice cream is the best. Or that Porsche 911 Turbo's are the best. While some of you may think they are, and in some ways they might be, I'm not so sure. I mean, I know what they're saying, from an academic standpoint, but surely, as most people in the US know, that standpoint certainly doesn't always make a school better. You have to factor in the human element and ask questions like: "Is our school made up of entirely nerds?" "Have we won anything significant other than ACADEC?" "Do most of the kids here know how to tie their own shoes or cook a bowl of rice?" "Could anyone here pull off a sweet prank?"


So, at any rate, I can't say I'm entirely sold at this point on his school being 'the best.'

Other than that though another thing I noticed when I came home is how much people eat. Back in Provo, on my own I eat when I'm hungry. Here I eat when people have a meal ready. And so of course, there are two to three times the number of meals, and the food is served in much larger portions and at least in my opinion, is not as healthful as the food I eat in Provo. So, of course, I ate more than I should have, don't have a gym membership here, and feel like I have digressed a bit physically speaking. Let's just say, if I stayed here another week, I might take on a new shape...like maybe become one of the block people from Gumby (but more realistically I would probably look more like pokey after he found a room full of pie). It was, in other words a deliciously sinful weekend.

And on another note, today I return home alone. My brother who came out here with me is staying as he prepares to go on to Mexico and Haiti (raising money and awareness for the impoverished), and I return to Utahville. It's always bittersweet. On the one hand, I'll miss real thunderstorms, east coast mentalities, the metro, family and a sweet car...but on the other hand I won't have to deal with traffic, eat thanksgiving everyday, or pay for an exorbitant gym membership and I can get paid again by my boss.

Civil Unions

Ok, here's a topic I'm prepared to take the heat for. I'm sure you're all well aware that in California the Supreme Court decided to legislate from the bench and say gay marriage is okay. Well I'd like to take issue with that. In my opinion, and in the written text of most dictionaries I am aware of, marriage is between a man and a woman.

Now before everyone blows up at me for being intolerant let me say that I am fine with gay people having civil unions with legal rights similar to marriage. However, my problem is in the wording. Marriage should not be used when referring to a gay union. It is a union, but not a marriage. It would save everyone a whole lot of trouble if that's how we kept it.

Here is the webster definition of marriage:

mar·riage
Pronunciation:
\ˈmer-ij, ˈma-rij\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English mariage, from Anglo-French, from marier to marry
Date:
14th century
1 a (1): the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law

And here is wikipedia's explanation of a civil union:

A civil union is a legally recognized union similar to marriage. Beginning with Denmark in 1989, civil unions under one name or another have been established by law in many developed countries in order to provide same-sex couples with rights, benefits, and responsibilities similar (in some countries, identical) to opposite-sex civil marriage. In some jurisdictions, such as Quebec, New Zealand, and Uruguay, civil unions are also open to opposite-sex couples.

Most civil-union countries recognize foreign unions if those are essentially equivalent to their own; for example, the United Kingdom lists equivalent unions in Civil Partnership Act Schedule 20.

Many people are critical of civil unions because they say they represent separate status unequal to marriage ("marriage apartheid"). Others are critical because they say civil unions allow same-sex marriage by using a different name.

Now that wasn't so hard now, was it?
Read article.

Chicken Extermination Order

So a couple days ago there were marching orders in Hong Kong to kill all the chickens. Apparently they were afraid of the bird flu again, and rather than take any chances, they ordered all the chickens that are typically bought and sold at markets and the like, slaughtered. I mean, sure, they were going to be killed anyway, but now they are being killed and going to waste. When I heard about this I began to wonder. What if there was some deadly disease that threatened to wipe out mankind and the carriers were our favorite flea bags, man's best friend, the dog? Would we, consciously make an extermination order? I mean I know some of you who hate dogs are awaiting the day, but for the rest of us, could we do it?

And, on a similar, albeit entirely different vein, what if a certain section of society had some incurable illness that threatened to decimate the world population? Would we exterminate them? Chances are good that the answer is no, however, there was at one point a leper colony on the island of Molokai in Hawaii, so maybe we'd just isolate them. Maybe we'd build them a fortress of solitude like the one Superman has in the north pole. There are so many possibilities.

I think many of us might cringe about the prospect of such things, but the fact is, chickens are being killed in Hong Kong. An entire population of chickens will be forever erased. It's true that they were all on death row anyway, but what if some of those chickens were innocent? What if some of those chickens were free from bird flu? What if there is a cure, and if we had only invested some time we could have saved the chickens? Save the chickens, save the world. Save the cheerleader, save the world. Sounds eerily familiar.

Shantaram

Just recently I purchased a book on a recommendation of a friend. The book is called Shantaram. I haven't started it yet because I'm still reading a book by Richard L. Holm called 'The American Agent.' The latter I know is good, and I recommend it to all of you. Especially if you don't like the CIA.


FYI - Everything the CIA does is known to three groups before it does anything: the President, the National Security Council and select senate and congressional oversight committees. However, if they screw up, all three of those groups deny culpability and blame it on the CIA. If they are successful, you don't hear about them, but the President gets all the credit. Not to say that the CIA hasn't screwed up in the past, but they've got an unfair portion of the blame. It's a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' catch-22 for them. Often they are told to do something by the President that they don't want to do, but have to, then get blamed when it doesn't work. Anyway...I'm rambling.

But let me just say one thing about Shantaram. This caught me immediately. Here is the 'About the Author' section:

"Gregory David Roberts was born in Melbourne, Australia. Sentenced to nineteen years in prison for a series of armed robberies, he escaped and spent ten of his fugitive years in Bombay - where he established a free medical clinic for slum-dwellers, and worked as a counterfeiter, smuggler, gunrunner, and street soldier for a branch of the Bombay mafia. Recaptured, he served out his sentence, and established a successful multimedia company upon his release. Roberts is now a full-time writer and lives in Bombay."


I think that's all I need to say. Read the book.

Abu Dhabi buys New York.

Well here's some good news for those of you who think there isn't any: Abu Dhabi, the massive middle eastern investment firm, has just bought the Chrysler building in New York. Yippeee!!!! There's nothing better than abusive sultans and their buddies who live off oil largesse buying up art deco icons that dominate the New York skyline, while most of their fellow countrymen starve. It's just so thrilling. I hear the next thing they're buying is the Washington Memorial. It will look so nice with an onion head hat on top of it (I always worried that someone would get hurt with that pointy spire).

But, I saw this glorious day coming. The Manhattan GM building was sold off to the Kuwaitis and Qataris weeks ago. I love it. With our real estate slump, these guys are a Godsend. I hope they replace the horse cops in New York with camel cops. That will be great. And maybe they'll sell flying carpets on street corners...and crazy gypsies will tell Shaharazade and her 1001 Nights to passers by. Living the dream New York. Living the dream.

Gladiator!!!

Tonight at 10:30pm my brother and I are holding gladiatorial games at our house. I have thus far put 2 benches, 4 chairs, and a tent on the roof for viewing of the 'arena.' It should be a very exciting and abusive event. We will have 2 on 2 battles, the individual tournament and chariot races. And, as my brother is going back to Mexico and Haiti to make more documentaries for humanitarian projects, people are asked to bring a little contribution if possible to help the people of those regions. Proceeds will go to covering some of my brothers limited expenses and anything beyond that feeds the hungry.

But, I want to point something out for a moment. Gladiatorial games originally were dreadfully horrid affairs with carnage, death, and debauchery. They were something the Romans did to entertain their citizens so the government could sway public opinion in their favor and get people to look away from their frequent ineptitude. However, as we have our event this evening, we do it for a charitable cause. To elucidate the plight of the voiceless. To feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and bring peace to the war-ravaged nations and peoples of the earth. So while the event is violent, competitive, and even fun, the effect is peace, unity, and love. Just an interesting juxtaposition.

Fledgling

Now it is time for our word of the week. And yes, I know I've never had a word of the week. I doubt I will ever do this again (blatant lie). The word is 'fledgling.' Here is a use: The young fledgling company was unstable at best.

Here's what Merriam-Webster says:

fledg·ling
Pronunciation:
\ˈflej-liŋ\
Function:
noun
Usage:
often attributive
Date:
1830
1 : a young bird just fledged
2 : an immature or inexperienced person
3 : one that is new a fledgling company

But something that occurred to me is that fledgling, when made plural sounds like something we on earth would be referred to as by aliens. Like 'We are coming to annihilate the fledglings!' However, I think there are a lot of people who could never be considered fledglings. For instance, Chuck Norris is not a fledgling. Jean-Claude Van Damme, Arnold Schwartzeneggar and Bruce Lee also fit into this category of 'non-fledgling.' I would like to think that I am not a fledgling, but then again I can't do the splits and knock out 7 people at the same time with one round house kick.









But then again, I am a young bird, and I fledge all the time.

Spiderman!

Spiderman is real. And, he's French. I know that is a blow to some of you, but you're just going to have to deal with it. His name is Alain Robert. He climbs tall buildings with the greatest of ease and he doesn't even need web junk spewing out of his palms. He uses a chalk bag on occasion instead.


Alain Robert has been climbing the world's tallest buildings for some time now. He does not ask permission (because he's Spiderman) and when wants to climb one he simply goes to the city that has the building, finds the building, and up he goes. He generates quite a spectacle, and people tend to gather down below, or stop working to watch him climb from a nearby office building. Typically when he reaches the top the police are waiting there for him. However, to date, no one has prosecuted him (you can't prosecute Spiderman).


So a couple days ago he climbed the New York Times building carrying a banner about global warming, and our impending doom if we didn't do something. The banner read, "Global warming kills more people than 9/11 every week." Well, it's one thing if Spiderman is saving Mary Jane and attacking Doctor Octopus, but when he starts going political I start to lose respect, especially when you start comparing global warming to terrorism. The only way he's going to gain it back is if he carries my banner about global cooling to the top of the Petronas Towers in Malaysia (which, consequently, he has already climbed).

Nanatech

My Nana is a great woman. Born and bred in the heartland of America, Indiana; she knows how to get things done the Hoosier way. Nana's house is an efficient machine - it runs like clockwork, day in, day out. She is very kind, but she will not be crossed (nor should she be). But with all her organized ways and my allusions to machinery I thought of calling the way she does things something you may all find familiar: Nanatech. I know what you're thinking, "It's nanotech Michael, you're so silly." Well, I think it's worthwhile to point out the similarities.

When we say nanotech - we mean bite size technology.
My Nana stands barely 5 feet off the ground.

When we say nanotech we think of high tech organization.
Nana has the menu of every meal planned out for years.

When we say nanotech we inevitably think of ipods, microchips, and spider gadgets from Minority Report.
My Nana does not own an iPod and is scared to death of spiders.

So I guess that is where the similarity ends. I love my Nana, and I wouldn't trade her for any nanotech ever. I like my Nanatech.

Snickers, please wait.

I'm sure you are all somewhat familiar with the snickers ads "Why Wait?" Here are some reasons to wait:

1. Snickers are not as good as milky way bars (debatable, talk amongst yourselves)
2. You might be allergic to peanuts
3. You could choke on a peanut
4. You have no idea what a 'nougat' is
5. You prefer ice cream
6. You prefer real food
6 1/2. You are going on a strict grass and sand diet
7. You think that the snickers are laughing at you and not with you (true.)
8. Swedish fish are made in Canada, and you don't really like Canadians, but you do like Swedish fish more than Snickers
9. Snickers look like wild animal scat
10. You had a traumatizing experience on Halloween as a little kid when a teenager ripped up your costume, smashed the pumpkins outside of your house, and stuffed your face full of pre-opened, tainted snickers bars
11. Even if Landon Donovan endorses snickers, the US still hasn't won a world cup (and you only eat candy bars that win world cups)
12. You mom said that if you spoil your dinner with snickers you don't get any pie.
13. Your mom has a stash of York peppermint patties somewhere, and snickers suck compared to them
14. You question why you are still reading this list, but have agreed that on some occasions you will not eat snickers
15. You will always eat snickers and do exactly what the Mars marketing group tells you to