Saturday, October 11, 2008

Microwave Magic

I've always thought of microwaves as assistants to the cook. For me, they just heated things up. They melted cheese and reheated food. They filled space in the kitchen.

But now I've discovered they can actually cook food. It's the lazy man's dream. You can start with a frozen chicken breast and in 10 minutes its a teriyaki marinated chicken breast. You only have to be open to the chance that you might get cancer or go sterile. But, it's worth it. It's so easy. Just grab the frozen chicken breast, put it in for 3 minutes to defrost, then cover it in teriyaki marinade and put it in the microwave for another 7 minutes. And, it does potatoes in a quick 7 minutes. It heats up water for hot cocoa in a minute. So easy. 

Facility and Sterility. You can have both.

Friday, October 10, 2008

I love weed whackers!

Waking up can be a challenge. But, waking up is just one of those things we all have to do. So, if it's got to happen it should be under favorable circumstances. Well, I am so blessed on certain random weekday mornings.

I used to be a landscaper. Let me start with that. It is an admirable profession. It takes creativity, physical strength, patience, and if you're paying for it, plenty of money. Now there happen to be some very zealous landscapers who work on the complex next to my house. They love weed whackers. I love weed whackers. We all love weed whackers. So, what better to wake up to in the morning that that melodic hum and grind of a 1.5 liter weed whacker engine? It's great.

I don't need my alarm clock. It gets drowned out anyway. And, if I try to be sneaky and sleep in, the weed whackers come closer to my room window to make sure I don't get lazy. Next thing you know, they'll bring me weed-whacked vegetable omelettes. They are so good to me. Sleeping in past 7:20am is just not in my best interest, and they know it. Even if I went to bed only a few short hours before, it's a new DAY! Sunshine! Rise and shine! And look, your neighbor's lawn is nice a groomed for the third time this week. 

I know why they're coming over so much too. Pretty soon it will be winter, so they're in overhaul mode during fall to get paid as much as possible even if there really isn't anything worth whacking. That seems only fair. It's not what needs to get done that matters, it's how many times you can trick people into paying you for the same job, as long as they believe its necessary. And I know, they need to feed their little ones, and that's more important than my sleep or state of mind. Bless them.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Inebriate Life

Sobriety is overrated. 

Some of the best art, music, and literature all came about while the author was semi-conscious, inebriate, high, doped up, or otherwise encumbered. That is not to say I condone making oneself delirious with illicit substances, but what it does mean is that I do not fear it, and recognize that it even happens with those who consider themselves "sober." Just think about it. If you're really tired, you're body starts to act as if it were drunk. Your speech becomes slurred; everything is funny; you're more relaxed; your social inhibitions start to fade. And, it's not a bad thing.

How many times have you woken up in the middle of the night with a fabulous idea, only to discover the next day that it was nonsensical or only half-conceived? 

But, on the other hand, sometimes those ideas are brilliant. There is a small path and gateway in between the conscious and subconscious mind. One side makes the other relevant, and both can act in a limited but ingenious concert. 

I write my best poems at night after just going to sleep. I solve logistical life problems often after being konked out a little while. So, in my less than sober insomniac state, I solve the seemingly insolvable problems of the conscious "real world." 

And, sometimes its just fun to ride a magic rocket ship with your dragon friends.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


Chocolate. Fondue. Waterfall. Fountain. Strawberries. Banana. Pineapple. Pretzels. Chocolate. Ghirardelli. Godiva. Nestle. Melting. Pouring. Dark. Delicious. Chocolate.

I hope that made your mouth water. It certainly got my craving going. 

Fortunately for me and my craving, we had a fondue party on saturday complete with a chocolate fountain and all of the wonderfully satiating ingredients I previously mentioned. But even after eating chocolate covered strawberries, pretzels, and the occasional pineapple, I felt like I needed something else. Something perhaps to cap it off. Wash it down. Milk. That would do it.

Problem: My house is full of 20 some people, and if I take out my gallon of milk everyone will want a glass.  And, being a courteous host I would give them all glasses, and offer even the one's who didn't ask, leaving me with no milk. 

Solution: Keep the milk hidden. Drink water.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Jump Roper or Rope Jumper?

This is fundamental question that will determine the rest of your life:

Are you are rope jumper or a jump roper?

While some may think it purely a semantic difference, I beg to differ. On the one side, you are jumping the rope without controlling the rope, and on the other you are jumping and controlling the rope. 

A jump roper is completely independent. He swings his rope and knows exactly when to jump. He lives in his own bubble, or rope loop (which ever you prefer more). A rope jumper jumps the rope, but does not control the speed or arc of the loop. He is left to the whim of the the person controlling the rope, or the roper. But, the roper is also controlled by the rope jumper. If there is no rope jumper he has no purpose. And, the rope jumper can opt not to jump if the roper goes to fast or is inconsistent. So perhaps the rope jumper has more power than it seems.
And, for the record, this is all literal. There is not an ounce of analogy that can be taken out of this. We are controlled by schoolyard games. Jump rope is their king. It governs our life. You can either embrace it, or it will embrace you (and the kind of embrace will be a deadly bear hug). Hahahha (read as if it were a maniacal laugh)

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Obama's Youth Movement

Who wants proof that Obama's youth groups are brainwashed into thinking he's the next savior? 
This video shows how ridiculous it has become.  And here's another one.

The kids believe that they will only achieve because of Obama, not because of their own abilities, or their own opportunities as citizens of the United States. Don't get me wrong, Obama's quick rise can inspire, but it should also be taken with a grain of salt. What are his motivations? Why are so many so willing to jump into his proverbial tank? 

Do I think he's the Savior of Mankind? Or the Savior of this nation? Hardly. His constantly evolving image does more to dissuade me of his ability to be above partisan politics than it does to reassure me. 

Here are some things to consider:

1. He is a freshman Senator who has been running for President all of his first three years into a six year term.

2. He has zero foreign policy experience.

3. He has neither authored nor co-authored any substantial piece of legislation.

4. He has reached across the aisle to get things done only 17% of the time.

5. He has written two books about himself and his ideas (one an autobiography) with very ambiguous and misleading information regarding his past, his family, and his upbringing.

6. He wants to prescribe universal healthcare (revolutionizing vs. reforming=dangerous and impractical).

7. He supports massive government spending during a time of economic instability.

8. He has ties to corrupt Chicago fundraisers (Rezko), former-revolutionaries (Ayers), and his his main mentor according to his own words is his former pastor Jeremiah Wright (Marxist/black power), who he will not disavow.

9. He paints our military in a negative light calling it antagonistic, murdering innocents, being irresponsible in its duties, neglecting to point out its successes and good work.
10. He is a master of spin.

Those are some things to think about. I could make a list for McCain too, but it wouldn't be nearly as long, or as disconcerting.

Leggo my EGO

Ego. It has been drawn to my attention recently that it's good. But conditionally good. Because, apparently it's also bad. Conditionally bad. It depends on its focus. Ego can be used in the most typical sense (as a self serving ideal) or, as an outward self-promoting selflessness.

So, if one surrenders his ego to his fellow man he wins. However, if he surrenders his eggo to his fellow man, he loses. Hence, "Leggo my eggo" is a critical thing to remember (and entirely irrelevant). However, ego must be shared to be refined. If you are to grow as a individual in a stable way, you must make yourself vulnerable. You must leave your figurative waffle on the counter smothered in delicious syrup, and if you're really confident, ring the dinner bell. 

Here's an example:

I think I'm friggin' awesome at ping pong because I practice everyday and have never lost (this is obviously purely hypothetical). So, if I am to use my ego for good, I would challenge whoever whenever, not fearing a loss, being willing to submit to failure to improve. If I am a typical egotist I will not challenge all people, but only those that I can believe I can beat. If I am open to all challengers, I help teach those I beat, and learn from those I lose to. If I am closed to those better than me, and only open to those I deem worse, I will stagnate in my ability, and my ego will actually decline comparatively.

So here's my ego/eggo. Have at it: