Fake People Making Big Strides

This has been a long time coming. Over the years it was slow and steady, but now the numbers are ballooning. I speak of course of feople and fersons. Feople are fake people, fersons, fake persons. There is a distinction. Feople wander in packs. Fersons are lone warriors of fakitude. 

It was only 25 years ago that that a vast majority of US citizens were people. In fact, the statistics from 1984 show that 86% of the citizenry was made up of people, with only a mere 14% feople. But this is the year the tide has changed. The recently released figures for 2008 might shock you. The threshold has been crossed. Now, 52% of the US citizenry is made up of feople. But, sadly, the statistics are even less encouraging for Los Angeles, Miami, and DC. As it turns out, 1 in every 4 people in those metropolises are actual people. And, in DC the government is predominantly run by fersons.

It is a bit scary, but not entirely unexpected. Genuine people have been marginalized for years. People with original ideas, needs, and attitudes more and more just don't seem to have what it takes to stay ahead of the trendiness of the conformist feople crowd. Jessica Ferngully, a widely recognized ferson, had this to say:

"People are just too limited with their individuality and need for freedom. They need to get a grip and realize that the crowd is right. They must follow our supreme intellect. We know best. Dress like us. Think like us. Be ONE with us."

Although it might seem that Ms. Ferngully is an anomaly, after saying her piece, another 5 feople near her chanted, "Be one with us! Follow our supreme intellect!" Their eyes were somewhat glazed, but instead of eating the flesh of nearby onlookers, these feople proceeded to enter a trendy shoe store.

Genuine people however seem unfazed. "They'll just die out. They can't think for themselves. I just don't see how that can win out. Their strategy is self-defeating. I can run circles around them, and they just tire themselves out watching me," said a very optimistic person named John Gibbs.

So there is hope. It seems, from Mr. Gibbs' pronouncement that we don't need to fight. But others are more pliable to the sonorous, mind-numbing entreaties of the feople. Soon, you could be a statistic.

Bailout=FAIL.

I got word just now that the bailout proposal has been rejected by congress. I am elated. Federal funds should stop going to bailout private firms. They failed. I did not cause their failure. Neither did millions of other Americans.

Congress is just trying to cover their own stupidity. Since 1992 democrats have been pushing mortgage lenders to make high risk loans to the poor. Well guess what?! In a pinch, they can't afford them, and many of them were paying next to nothing anyway. We, as Americans need to think more about living within our means. If I cannot afford something I should not be able to buy it. But the government barged in and said credit scores don't matter, incomes don't matter, everyone DESERVES a loan. Well, we can see what happened following that mentality.

I am not holding the financial industry and mortgage lenders blameless, but it was DC that caused this problem, not NYC. NYC just exacerbated it on the false pretense that the housing bubble would never burst. Many saw this coming for years. Prices don't always go up, and debts have to be paid.

It's true, regulation is needed. We can't allow anymore high-risk loans. But, we must allow private firms to bailout the market, not the government. And short selling is not the problem. The idea that stopping short selling will help the market is asinine. Just enforce the laws on the books that call for transparency.

Delta Swindlers

Well we're going to have to get a little more regular again on this blog. I can make the excuse that I've been traveling, but that's pretty lame because you can usually use the internet just about anywhere. It comes down to priorities. And this blog was just not one of them as I was in Brazil, and as I am now up in my hometown of Duxbury, Massachusetts. 

I got back friday afternoon and left the airport shortly after noon. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. I had a flight that was supposed to get to DC just after 10am. In Sao Paulo I got into a Delta line that I thought was destined for my connection in New York. After waiting about 10 minutes I asked one of the airline people if it was the line for New York. To that my response was, "No that line closed already." So I said, "What are you saying? I'm still here before the flight has taken off, I was misled to think this line, which is apparently for Atlanta, was for New York, and now you're telling me I can't get on my flight?" Then she said, "Well you can either leave the airport, or go to the Delta desk and see if you can still get on your flight." So I went to the Delta desk. The guy there informed me that I had to be there an hour before take off to check in, and that I missed the plane. Then I said, "First off, I was here prior to the hour, I was misled into thinking I was in the right line, and...the plane that you say I cannot board is still here." Well, that got me nowhere. He said he could re-route me through Atlanta, putting me on stand-by for a $250 flight change fee. Whoopee! Out $250 because of their stupid system and mistakes (All these conversations took place in portuguese - angry, ill-tempered portuguese).

Turns out Delta is pretty sleazy. What they do with this 'lock the flight an hour prior' allows them to have extra space on their plane so they can swindle more people who show up late for an earlier flight into paying more to get to their destination. For instance, I was quote on quote "late" for my flight to NYC, so for another $250 they could put me on standby for Atlanta. Those who missed some other flight prior to NYC, who were on standby got my seat. Those who foolishly didn't know about the hour before lock down with Atlanta lost their seat to me and others like me - for a hefty price.

So I had to do some things before I left DC, and didn't end up leaving until 3:30pm to drive up to Boston. On a friday, that is probably the worst possible time to leave. I got stuck in between DC and Baltimore for 3 1/2 hours. A trip that should take 8 hours took me close to 11 hours. But, two Dr. Peppers, singing along to my new Brazilian CDs, and talking to myself for an hour and a half kept me from driving off the road. Mind you, the flight from Brazil was 9+ hours and then another 2 from Atlanta to DC. I was running on dregs. But, all in all good times. I went to my buddy's wedding on Saturday, and I've been visiting old friends around Massachusetts this weekend.  Good times.

Goodbye DC

Well, my visit back home to the DC area was certainly eventful. I came for my brother's graduation from Thomas Jefferson High School (which consequently is the nation's best). Or, so say the High School rating people (whoever they are). And it got me thinking. If his school is 'the best,' then what school is 'the worst?'

Because to be honest the term 'the best' tends to strike me as perhaps a little subjective. It's like saying vanilla ice cream is the best. Or that Porsche 911 Turbo's are the best. While some of you may think they are, and in some ways they might be, I'm not so sure. I mean, I know what they're saying, from an academic standpoint, but surely, as most people in the US know, that standpoint certainly doesn't always make a school better. You have to factor in the human element and ask questions like: "Is our school made up of entirely nerds?" "Have we won anything significant other than ACADEC?" "Do most of the kids here know how to tie their own shoes or cook a bowl of rice?" "Could anyone here pull off a sweet prank?"


So, at any rate, I can't say I'm entirely sold at this point on his school being 'the best.'

Other than that though another thing I noticed when I came home is how much people eat. Back in Provo, on my own I eat when I'm hungry. Here I eat when people have a meal ready. And so of course, there are two to three times the number of meals, and the food is served in much larger portions and at least in my opinion, is not as healthful as the food I eat in Provo. So, of course, I ate more than I should have, don't have a gym membership here, and feel like I have digressed a bit physically speaking. Let's just say, if I stayed here another week, I might take on a new shape...like maybe become one of the block people from Gumby (but more realistically I would probably look more like pokey after he found a room full of pie). It was, in other words a deliciously sinful weekend.

And on another note, today I return home alone. My brother who came out here with me is staying as he prepares to go on to Mexico and Haiti (raising money and awareness for the impoverished), and I return to Utahville. It's always bittersweet. On the one hand, I'll miss real thunderstorms, east coast mentalities, the metro, family and a sweet car...but on the other hand I won't have to deal with traffic, eat thanksgiving everyday, or pay for an exorbitant gym membership and I can get paid again by my boss.

Why DC is so great.

Well, if you didn't know already, like it or not, DC is awesome. Yep, you might as well just face the music, bite your upper-lip half-heartedly and dance. The reasons are so astoundingly atestable and verifiable there truly is no sensible line of reasoning that could take you elsewhere. DC takes the cake.

First. DC has a thriving job market. No where else on earth do you have such a dependable job market. Why is that you say? Well, the big bureacratic beast with lots of fangs, rabies and a leash made up of red tape lives here. Right downtown. The world's most powerful, but strangely inept government. It doles out millions of new jobs each year for all the fabulous new cubicle mice who are bound to sit in dark cement-laden bomb shelter government offices for new agencies to act as middlemen for other agencies that society already thought were middle men. Yay!

Second. Everything is free! Oh yes, you can go just about anywhere in DC and see works of art, ancient artifacts, and years worth of archives and memorials without paying a dime for admission. And how can this be? Well, surprise surprise. You pay for it. You ever wonder why you pay so much in taxes when you live out in the middle of Wyoming? It's so all the illegal immigrants who protest in DC can have a great weekend planned out with their Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, and children who are citizens and demand representation without taxation or legal entry. It's so they can see all those monuments and museums that you paid for. Oh DC.

Third. You are surrounded by water and don't even have to deal with all the icky sandiness that you would get from other cities that have a beach close by. You are conveniently placed in between two possible entry points of the sand abyss, but are fortunately sheltered by the most wonderfully smelling and attractive bays in the world. The Chesapeake! Oh what pride. And let's not forget the Potomac. Beautiful brown and gloriously full of treasures like free pianos, tractor tires, refrigerators, bowling balls and old cars...you don't even need to go shopping here, just go fishing and hope an angry minifridge takes your bait. Oh yes, and if you do have a hankering for some blue saltiness and want to get skin cancer you can drive 3 hours north to Bethany Beach Maryland or 3 hours south to Virginia Beach. See, in DC you're lucky.

There are many reasons that DC is the best, these three are just a start. Come on down and check out what all the Peruvians, Hondurans and Guatemalans are raving about! DC! DC! DC!