Beware the Wrath of TJ

You know it. I know it. They know it. But who are "they"? And why do they know it? That's not important. We must face the facts. Two dollar bills aren't really that cool.

Yeah sure, they serve as currency when you're stupid/smart enough to forget that they're collectibles and can possibly get you two things out of the vending machine at the same time, but they have the least flattering portrait ever made of Thomas Jefferson on the front. Couple that with the wrenching guilt you feel whenever you run out of cash and are left with only a two dollar bill, and want to spend it, but at the same time know you will be the laughing stock of the town for years to come if you do. It's a lose lose. If you don't spend the bill, TJ wins. He's laughing at you with that smug little "I hate sitting for portraits" grin. If you do spend it, you also fail - at life.

The only way to avoid being in the clutches of an annoying paper icon that really isn't worth much, but that for some reason you think is worth something, is to run whenever you see a two dollar bill. Run faster than Usain Bolt and that guy from the movie who could run faster than a cheetah. Two dollar bills are a plague. You don't want the plague. I don't want the plague...and they certainly don't want the plague. So do us a favor. Don't touch two dollar bills. It's healthier to sniff glue or rub yourself down with pigeons. Just saying.

Was Thomas Jefferson a Citizen?

For a while (and even now) people were worried about Obama's citizenship and the situation of his birth. Some claimed he was born in Kenya, others that he was a citizen of Indonesia, some claimed he was a space alien, yada yada. Well there is a bigger story now looming on the horizon.

Archeologists recently discovered documents that indicate that Thomas Jefferson was born in Kenya. The piece of elephant hide inscribed with the date of his birth in hyena blood was found in the back of his wine cellar at his home in Monticello. This new discovery has shaken historians to the very core.

"It means the Declaration [of Independence] was written by a foreigner. He was a tribesman who apparently led a very nomadic life," said Rich Holman, Historian from the University of Virginia.

His colleague Frank Martin had this to say:

"It puts the whole story about him having affairs with his slaves on its head. Who knew he was one of them?" 

Apparently his Kenyan tribesmen knew. And, according to another document found near the record of his birth, he was married to his Kenyan wife before he married his American wife Martha Skelton. 

This new revelation about one of America's forefathers comes at an interesting time. It seems as if Obama would have nothing to fear if he let out that he was indeed born abroad.

Goodbye DC

Well, my visit back home to the DC area was certainly eventful. I came for my brother's graduation from Thomas Jefferson High School (which consequently is the nation's best). Or, so say the High School rating people (whoever they are). And it got me thinking. If his school is 'the best,' then what school is 'the worst?'

Because to be honest the term 'the best' tends to strike me as perhaps a little subjective. It's like saying vanilla ice cream is the best. Or that Porsche 911 Turbo's are the best. While some of you may think they are, and in some ways they might be, I'm not so sure. I mean, I know what they're saying, from an academic standpoint, but surely, as most people in the US know, that standpoint certainly doesn't always make a school better. You have to factor in the human element and ask questions like: "Is our school made up of entirely nerds?" "Have we won anything significant other than ACADEC?" "Do most of the kids here know how to tie their own shoes or cook a bowl of rice?" "Could anyone here pull off a sweet prank?"


So, at any rate, I can't say I'm entirely sold at this point on his school being 'the best.'

Other than that though another thing I noticed when I came home is how much people eat. Back in Provo, on my own I eat when I'm hungry. Here I eat when people have a meal ready. And so of course, there are two to three times the number of meals, and the food is served in much larger portions and at least in my opinion, is not as healthful as the food I eat in Provo. So, of course, I ate more than I should have, don't have a gym membership here, and feel like I have digressed a bit physically speaking. Let's just say, if I stayed here another week, I might take on a new shape...like maybe become one of the block people from Gumby (but more realistically I would probably look more like pokey after he found a room full of pie). It was, in other words a deliciously sinful weekend.

And on another note, today I return home alone. My brother who came out here with me is staying as he prepares to go on to Mexico and Haiti (raising money and awareness for the impoverished), and I return to Utahville. It's always bittersweet. On the one hand, I'll miss real thunderstorms, east coast mentalities, the metro, family and a sweet car...but on the other hand I won't have to deal with traffic, eat thanksgiving everyday, or pay for an exorbitant gym membership and I can get paid again by my boss.