Thursday, April 3, 2008

Wake up to the chant of CHANGE (with no direction)!

Wake up people! Seriously. Now that we've had a couple months of a prolonged democratic nominating contest, you can see the candidates so much more clearly. The contrasts are telling. I will refer to Obama right now.

In the beginning, I'm sure you well remember his constant mantra of CHANGE! CHANGE! CHANGE! My question, is I think very relevant. Remember that quote that "The only constant in this world is change"? Well at least that hasn't changed. So then I ask, what's the big deal? From the looks of things, Obama talks out of one side of the mouth, while mumbling something unappealing an unintelligible on the other side. By that I mean he calls for us to rise above partisan politics all the while toting the most liberal voting record in the senate for 2007.

Then there's the fact that his preacher, Jeremiah Wright, whom he never really distanced himself from, thinks black people are the only people who are worthwhile. You should listen to his sermons on, it's all about how the white man has it out for the black man, and how the black community must rise up against the evil white wave. Please. How is this a new kind of non-divisive politics? It's that whole concept of unity through disunity that I guess I never got. Sure. Lets favor one group over another to compensate for years of inequality the other way. Bring equality through inequality! Fight fire with fire! Genius. But I digress.

Obama is eloquent. Obama is charismatic. Obama has a decent image. Why? Because eight months ago, no one knew he he was. Now they do. How fortunate for the voters. Not so fortunate for him. Turns out he's got a closet loaded full of skeletons. And, on top of it, he has no real leadership experience. Two years in the Illinois senate and two more as a junior senator does not make you qualified to be leader of the free world. He might as well do one of those Holiday Inn Express commercials. I can see it now, the President of the EU comes to the White House to shake his hand and he starts talking about his new golfing buddy Raul Castro and how he will solve all our problems with universal health care...and then on top of that balance the budget with more taxes...then the President of the EU says, "Who are you again?" And Obama says, "Well I'm just a junior senator from Illinois that bribes people to vote for me with Dave Matthews Band tickets, but I also stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night." Classic.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Don't eat me grease monkey!

"Oh no I couldn't."
"Why not? It's delicious."
"Oh, but it has so much fat."

Have you heard this before? Maybe the first person is you. Maybe you're the second person. Either way, you've given in. And good for you. If you're going to eat a tray of brownies, a gallon of ice cream, or a bucket of fried chicken, don't do it half-arsed. Gorge yourself in the sugary, fattening goodness.

I love to see people deny themselves the savory delectable treats of life in one moment and then turn around and eat something far worse. It makes me smile. I can't say that I haven't done it myself. An example I will give occurred just the other day. A friend of mine named Betty* came over to my house with her room mates. Fortunately for me, and my room mate Cletus*, they brought warm, deliciously gooey brownies. And, I had some high quality milk to wash it down. We chatted, and made merriment for a while, and then got down to business. Everyone had at least one brownie...but there were left overs. So, Cletus had another and I had another 4 to finish them off. I felt I had done my duty. Now, before I had done this, the other ladies were offered those same brownies, but for some odd reason, apparently they just didn't taste as good as they had before, or perhaps they were full...or maybe they just realized they didn't like the color brown. All very good reasons. So, we finished. And then, much to surprise and utter joy (slight exaggeration), Betty suggested we got to a fast food restaurant to eat some burgers. Wow. What a novel concept. So we went, and everyone ate a burger and me and my room mate ate 1 1/2 burgers (I know some of you are wincing right now at how healthy our choices were that night). But now, at this point, I was definitely not in need of any more food. You might even say I was full. And, I would have thought that the others there with me felt the same. I was wrong. Betty then said, "Why don't we go get some more burgers" such and such a place. At this point I couldn't help but see why all of her weekly exercising had gone to naught.

Please don't tell me you can't have another brownie, and then go off and lube your digestive tract with fryilator grease. If you are hungry for unhealthy garbage, eat it. Don't pretend to not like it only to eat more of it later. You are not getting any benefit from your pseudo-denial. But, you do make me chuckle. Give in fatty. Give in.

*Names changed to protect their gluttonous habits