The Weird Mystery of Random Friends

Mysteries.

Weird Mysteries.

They happen. Here's one: So I'm scrolling through my facebook friend's list and I start to see a bunch of random names. Then I click on the names or profile pictures to see who these strange "new" friends are. Then I see the picture. Generally it involves a wedding dress, possibly some cake being stuffed into someone's mouth, and generally under their "relationship status" it says they are married to some guy with the same last name.

My theory:

These people have some taboo predilections. Marrying someone with the same last name? I mean, I won't outright call it incest, but I'm not going to say it isn't. And why on earth are we friends? I did know someone named Talika Rosen, but I DO NOT know a Talika Fairchild. Actually, come to think of it, I do not know ANY Talika. AAAAaaah! (I never know how to write that so that it comes out as a blood-curdling scream and not a refreshing sound you make when you just pop open a cold beverage).

Here's another strange discovery. While I seem to be gaining all of these "new" friends, the number of overall friends does not increase. AND...if that weren't enough, some of my "old" friends have seemingly disappeared.

My theory:

These "new" friends are probably aliens, cyborgs, or alien cyborgs who have used some voodoo magic to tap into my facebook friends list. They are probably also body snatchers and have taken my "old" friends to some weird, sketchy, alien laboratory to harness the power of their names (and consequently their souls).

Sounds reasonable.

There are never enough tow trucks.

They love each other so much.

Probably not too hard to force that cake down.

"Random guy next to groom tries to distract him with cake while he runs off with bride"

Was Thomas Jefferson a Citizen?

For a while (and even now) people were worried about Obama's citizenship and the situation of his birth. Some claimed he was born in Kenya, others that he was a citizen of Indonesia, some claimed he was a space alien, yada yada. Well there is a bigger story now looming on the horizon.

Archeologists recently discovered documents that indicate that Thomas Jefferson was born in Kenya. The piece of elephant hide inscribed with the date of his birth in hyena blood was found in the back of his wine cellar at his home in Monticello. This new discovery has shaken historians to the very core.

"It means the Declaration [of Independence] was written by a foreigner. He was a tribesman who apparently led a very nomadic life," said Rich Holman, Historian from the University of Virginia.

His colleague Frank Martin had this to say:

"It puts the whole story about him having affairs with his slaves on its head. Who knew he was one of them?" 

Apparently his Kenyan tribesmen knew. And, according to another document found near the record of his birth, he was married to his Kenyan wife before he married his American wife Martha Skelton. 

This new revelation about one of America's forefathers comes at an interesting time. It seems as if Obama would have nothing to fear if he let out that he was indeed born abroad.

Engaged people and ridiculous pronouncements

Having been through the whole "engaged thing," and having heard advice from every qualified individual I know, as well as being in a marriage prep class at school, I find it interesting how newly engaged couples (and particularly the girl) will say things like, "I've met the perfect man." Or, "How lucky I am to be married to a guy who's perfect in every way." Or something to that effect. They put those kind of phrases in their facebook statuses, paint them on their car windows, or gloat about it to their friends.

What ever happened to that very appropriate phrase that goes something like this: Before marriage keep your eyes wide open, and after marriage keep them half shut? Honestly, that euphoric puppy dog love phase can dupe you if you're not careful. You shouldn't just fall in love with your heart, and your eyes, or even just your soul. You need to fall in love with your brain too. If you think your partner is perfect already, you're probably drinking too much nyquil, or have only been in abusive relationships.

Perhaps you have met a great guy or gal. But they have faults. And, they may seem easy to overcome now because you aren't really together. You're just dating. There's no civil mandate that joins you. But, I guarantee that even the simplest of things can and will become big issues if you don't address them now. So just remember that self-induced delirium doesn't produce the best matches. Use your brain. And open your eyes. And, after that, God Bless.

Civil Unions

Ok, here's a topic I'm prepared to take the heat for. I'm sure you're all well aware that in California the Supreme Court decided to legislate from the bench and say gay marriage is okay. Well I'd like to take issue with that. In my opinion, and in the written text of most dictionaries I am aware of, marriage is between a man and a woman.

Now before everyone blows up at me for being intolerant let me say that I am fine with gay people having civil unions with legal rights similar to marriage. However, my problem is in the wording. Marriage should not be used when referring to a gay union. It is a union, but not a marriage. It would save everyone a whole lot of trouble if that's how we kept it.

Here is the webster definition of marriage:

mar·riage
Pronunciation:
\ˈmer-ij, ˈma-rij\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English mariage, from Anglo-French, from marier to marry
Date:
14th century
1 a (1): the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law

And here is wikipedia's explanation of a civil union:

A civil union is a legally recognized union similar to marriage. Beginning with Denmark in 1989, civil unions under one name or another have been established by law in many developed countries in order to provide same-sex couples with rights, benefits, and responsibilities similar (in some countries, identical) to opposite-sex civil marriage. In some jurisdictions, such as Quebec, New Zealand, and Uruguay, civil unions are also open to opposite-sex couples.

Most civil-union countries recognize foreign unions if those are essentially equivalent to their own; for example, the United Kingdom lists equivalent unions in Civil Partnership Act Schedule 20.

Many people are critical of civil unions because they say they represent separate status unequal to marriage ("marriage apartheid"). Others are critical because they say civil unions allow same-sex marriage by using a different name.

Now that wasn't so hard now, was it?
Read article.

The Provo Divide

In the town of Provo there is a great divide.

I have spoken of it on many occasions with many friends. In Provo, and especially around Brigham Young University, there are a lot of young, college-aged types who are looking for a good education, maybe some work, and a good time. Rarely, do they get all three. And if they do, they are the lucky ones.

As a college town, you might expect there to be a lot of students. This is true. But BYU is not the only school here. There is UVSC (Soon to be UVU), along with many beauty schools and other schools I've never heard of. So, the pond is stocked full of tons of fish. You might think, "Well that's good. If you have lots of fish, you have a lot more options." True. But everyone thinks that way and it creates a mindset that is detrimental to anyone ever getting anywhere in life (socially speaking). With so many options girls and guys around here tend to be either extremely non-committal, or way too committal. The first mindset happens because the first group sees so many options, they become fickle, picky, stupid, and like playing games and become worthless flakes, and the second mindset happens because once the other group finds someone, they cling to them for dear life out of insecurity of the system regardless if the person is an absolute monstrosity. So if that's all we've got, it leads me to wonder, what about the middle? Are you telling me (or am I telling myself) that people either play the field or get married after 6 weeks? Yes. The middle is nearly non-existent.

And, that middle has the only people with any common sense. This middle believes that you can date someone to get to know them and see if something more is there without thinking of long-term all the time. The middle believes that you should date whoever you want, but that being on two dates together does not make you a couple. The middle dates for the sake of dating. And, learns about people, relationships, and what they want out of life in a normal way. They are the balance. But, where are they? Well they have fallen into the Provo divide. Into the deep chasm that is or was the normal way to interact. I am one of them. I am not super-committal (I'm not looking to get married after a couple days or weeks of knowing someone), and I'm not a flake (I don't get interested in one girl on one day and then totally psych myself out, convince myself she's ugly, stupid or uninterested and move on to my back log of other potentials). So where do I fit here? That's a good question. Perhaps I just need to go back to the real world (like any place outside of Utah).

We just met; now let's get married.

Ok I really need to share something that troubles me (and that is putting it lightly). The reason mind you, is because I am concerned for others' well-being (I know that might be hard to believe).

Let me explain what I find ridiculous in the past couple of weeks. For those of you who don't know, I am a Mormon and I attend church in a BYU 'singles ward' out here in Utah. A ward is comparable to a parish in the Catholic church, like a local group. Now in the Mormon, or, LDS church we have a lay clergy, meaning everyone has a calling and no one gets paid. One calling in our ward is one that entails creating a weekly newsletter called 'The BYU 57th Ward Weekly.' In the past it has had little interviews with people in the ward in the 'Getting to Know You' section as well as articles about new events and even dating advice columns and cartoons. However, for the past couple of weeks the only stories being printed have been engagements. Not that engagements aren't newsworthy, but the sheer volume is incredible. There have been over the past two weeks 5 announcements. Now I think that is great. For some. But some of the stories frighten me. One such story is as follows:



"Conveniently, Bo Curly's* car broke down. It was convenient because then Barbara Ann* gave him a ride home. He asked for her number and called her. She didn't call him back that night, but he called her the next morning anyway. They started dating, and although Barbara knew "it would work out" within the first several days of their relationship, the two dated for a month and a half before Bo proposed. Courtney Ann, as Barbara's roommate, sister, and sole local representative of the Ann family, sanctioned the marriage before Bo took definitive action. She even got to see the ring first.

Barbara knew Bo was going to propose. She even "stopped strategically" several times on a walk with him one night to give him the opportunity. Finally, when the two got back into the car, she gave up. It was just going to have to wait another day. As she started to walk away, he called her back and proposed."

What I love most out of the article is "although Barbara knew it would work out within the first several days..." To be honest that frightens me. Not that I don't believe it's possible, but highly improbable and possibly a delusional or delirious reaction. I sincerely hope they both find absolute bliss together, but I worry that they jumped the gun, maybe just a smidge. And the article was not the least bit romantic, but pretty robotic (ooolala robot love)...I just hope that was because of the author and not the actual story. But if that weren't enough here's another one:



"On August 22, Kate Rigadoo* and Frank Bebop* will be married in the Portland temple, the same temple where her family was sealed eight years ago. Kate and Frank both work at BYU Laundry. One day she went to the back looking for window cleaning supplies, and she needed help finding them. Frank came to the rescue with a friend of his; during conversation with Kate he learned that she had served a mission. The two struck up a conversation about their missions. Kate was sick for the next week, however, and was unable to attend work; Frank thought she had quit. When she returned to work, he came to find her. They went out that Friday and were exclusive by Sunday. Six weeks later, Kate and Frank were sitting in her apartment, talking and laughing after a long day. He paused in the conversation and asked, "Will you marry me?" "Yes," she replied. He double checked: "Really, you'll marry me?" They kissed, and then he got down on one knee and proposed again in Chinese. The next day, after they had picked a date, he proposed yet again - commitment style this time. "Will you marry me on August 22 at 3:00 p.m. in the Portland temple?" She has said yes every time."

The part I love about this one is "they went out that Friday and were exclusive by Sunday." That is awesome. I mean wow, they were so in sync. There's no way that any other time was needed. It was fate.

If these stories trouble you, then thank you for being reasonable. If you think they are cute and special, I kind of question your sanity and sense of normalcy. At any rate, I wish them all the best, and am sure as hell not going to follow their lead. I know God made the world in 6 days, so marriage in 6 weeks is not a biggie. Not at all. It's not like that decision is going to affect the rest of your life, or as Mormons believe, the rest of eternity. It could be a starter marriage...to get more experience maybe. Yeah, that's it.

*Names have been changed