Living the Beach Life.

So I was at the beach all day yesterday so I didn't write anything. You can call it a lame excuse, but I'd call it a much needed diversion. I surfed a bit, became a sand person, had a delicious chocolate shake and sandwich, and used up an entire tank of gas in between my house and Assateague Island State Park. So all in all it was pretty friggin sweet. And yes, that is technical jargon.

To make it up to you, my readers I am posting a clip and a picture. Here you go:

This kid is real. Not a muppet, puppet, or a zombie.

It was me.

Strapped for cash: Using homemade barter currencies

Given the current economic climate, a lot of people are strapped for cash. More often than not, this poses a problem. However, it's not a problem for Mrs. Margaret Maylindropper of Altamonte Springs, Florida. For several months now she has been without cash, but has managed to stay afloat by paying everything from her bills and mortgage to her gasoline refills with meatballs.

"I make a zesty meatball. They are extra tender and juicy. No one can resist them. Some people want my meatballs more than cash. In fact, some of the neighborhood kids have set up lemonade stands and the girl scouts just wait outside my house with cookies in hopes that I'll buy some with a bag full of meatballs," said Mrs. Maylindropper.

Mrs. Maylindropper is not alone. Her other neighbor, who chose only to reveal himself as Fred, has also switched to a barter currency. Fred offers foot massages and pita bread. One foot massage is equal to two pita breads. Unfortunately, his pita bread isn't as desirable as his neighbor's meatballs. And, his gas company has claimed his foot massages aren't really that great.

"Look, I'm doing what I can. I can't please everyone all the time. My hands get sore. But hey, I think it's a better idea than what I was going to do. I was going to do face painting and body art," said Fred.

Many in the community are relieved that Fred chose pita and foot massages instead. Melanie McGruber had this to say, 

"Last Halloween he tried to paint me. He had a roller and a can of spray paint and asked what I wanted to be - either a mermaid or a fence. I just couldn't decide, so he made me into a merfence."

The resourcefulness of this community is suburban Florida is commendable. Perhaps the country could learn a thing or to from Mrs. Maylindropper's meatballs and Fred's pita. If you don't have money, don't sweat it, unless, you're using that sweat to make meatballs.

I have a dream of using the bathroom in freedom

Generally, I try not to be too crude or dumb sounding when I write this blog, and, I hope this post is no exception. However, just now I decided to share something that might be a bit crude. I have lived off and on in a rented place for all of my college experience. There are many things I will miss about college, the places I've lived in, people I've met, etcetera. However, there are some things I will certainly not miss upon graduating from BYU and leaving rented housing. One such thing is not being able to use the bathroom because a room mate has conveniently read my mind and snuck in right before I was able to make it there. It makes no difference how badly I needed to use it. My palm reading, tarot card reading, or bathroom fortune cookie always screws me over.

On more than one occasion I have forgone my morning shower. On more than one occasion I have had to go on campus to do my business because all the bathrooms were occupied at home. On more than one occasion I have had to leave my wet bath towel on my bed in my room because the second I left the bathroom someone charged in and locked it. Bathroom freedom has almost reached mythic status in my life. It seems I can only attain it at the hours I least need it.

But I have dreams. They say everyone does. My dream is to be able to use the bathroom whenever I need to go. My dream is to be able to shower on demand. My dream is to be able to walk into the bathroom with the fresh smell of anything but what I am typically subjected to (I would settle for gasoline or mild skunk). In my dreams the bathroom is a special place. It is a sanctuary of sorts where I am king of the porcelain throne, and no one objects. My subjects are full toilet paper rolls and clean lids, and some appropriate bathroom literature. 

But for now it is but a dream.

Abu Dhabi buys New York.

Well here's some good news for those of you who think there isn't any: Abu Dhabi, the massive middle eastern investment firm, has just bought the Chrysler building in New York. Yippeee!!!! There's nothing better than abusive sultans and their buddies who live off oil largesse buying up art deco icons that dominate the New York skyline, while most of their fellow countrymen starve. It's just so thrilling. I hear the next thing they're buying is the Washington Memorial. It will look so nice with an onion head hat on top of it (I always worried that someone would get hurt with that pointy spire).

But, I saw this glorious day coming. The Manhattan GM building was sold off to the Kuwaitis and Qataris weeks ago. I love it. With our real estate slump, these guys are a Godsend. I hope they replace the horse cops in New York with camel cops. That will be great. And maybe they'll sell flying carpets on street corners...and crazy gypsies will tell Shaharazade and her 1001 Nights to passers by. Living the dream New York. Living the dream.

Useless Facebook groups: Boycotting Oil Companies

Here is the link to a facebook group, that, like so many others is trying to solve a complex problem with an over-simplified solution. The problem, as is deemed by the creator of the group is that gas prices are way up, and the only way to bring them down is to boycott the largest supplier of gasoline in the US, Exxon/Mobil. I could go into much more detail about how the dollar is still sliding, inflation is up, and the FED is doing a terrible job trying to keep a weakening economy afloat....but let's just keep to the basics. Here is what I posted when I added this group:

"Ok, I only joined [this group] because the logic is flawed and I'd like to tell you all to WAKE UP! Exxon/Mobil sets its prices based on the price per barrel they pay to OPEC. Therefore, the real problem is what the Saudis, the Venezuelans and the Iranians are charging, not our American companies. You want cheaper gas?! Allow drilling in ANWR, and allow us to use our own resources so we're not so dependent on OPEC."

So, to bring this to a hopefully more hopeful conclusion, perhaps I should make a group that pushes for more development of our domestic resources, green energy and more hardline negotiations with the countries that make up the cartel that is OPEC. But, more than likely people would find that group too complex, and settle for the useless boycott. It never has anything to do with what is the best way to get things done; people just like to do whatever sounds cooler. That says a lot about America. And people in general. Maybe I should just play some Bob Marley and get stoned and forget about life for a while. At least then I could wake up happy and talk about Sheriffs, love, and not rocking my boat instead of facebook oil boycotts.