-Must be able to find creative ways to misspell a generic product name for trendiness/trademark purposes, such as replacing "c" with "k," "s" with "z," and "ph" with "f."
-Must look for opportunities to rhyme, use alliteration, create sappy puns (is there another kind?), and be competent in the reworking of clichés to include product promotion.
-Must be able to figure out a clever, memorable 6-10 letter word or phrase for an 800 number.
-Must be able to translate... or know someone who can... yeah.
There is a segment of our population in the United States that does not receive their due acknowledgment and respect on a regular basis. I'm not talking about some disaffected social class or an obscure party, I'm talking about our veterans. Citing the famous creed of couriers in the ancient Persian Empire: "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds." The same and more can be said for those who have served our country in some military capacity. However, these men are delivering a lot more than mere postage. What the US soldier offers is freedom, justice, and security. If it were not for our military we might very well live in a totalitarian state run by the Nazis. If it were not for our military, much of New York City's skyline would be demolished. If it were not for our military we would not enjoy the amazing economic prosperity and opportunity that we do abroad. We owe these valiant public servants an enormous debt of gratitude for selflessly giving of their time, talents, and often lives for the safety and liberty of this nation.
That being said, I wanted to promote a cause that I find not only admirable, but wholesome, worthwhile, and fun. Here's the press release for this year's National Memorial Day Parade:
"NATIONAL MEMORIAL DAY PARADE IN DC MAY 25TH
DC SCHOOL MARCHING BANDS, GARY SINISE, MILITARY BANDS,
ERNEST BORGNINE, LEE GREENWOOD
WASHINGTON, DC -- The National Memorial Day Parade presented by the American Veterans Center will take place Monday, May 25, 2009 at 2:00 PM Constitution Avenue between 7th and 17th Streets NW.
Join more than 250,000 Americans in honoring those who have served and sacrificed in the fifth annual National Memorial Day Parade. Marching bands, veterans units, and uniformed military personnel from around the country will march down Constitution Avenue in the largest Memorial Day parade in the nation. The parade will feature a special tribute to the U.S. Navy, and include Navy vet and Oscar winner Ernest Borgnine, fellow actors and veterans' supporters Gary Sinise and Joe Mantegna, and music star Lee Greenwood. Also participating is Edith Shain, the nurse from the famous World War II “V-J Day in Times Square” kiss photograph. For more information, visit www.nationalmemorialdayparade.com.
For nearly 70 years, Washington, DC—our nation’s capital and headquarters of our military—was without a parade on the Armed Services’ most sacred day. In 2005, the American Veterans Center decided to bring this great tradition back to the nation’s capital by creating the National Memorial Day Parade. While each war and each branch of the military is honored in full, each year the parade highlights one branch of the military. The 2009 National Memorial Day Parade will have a special focus on the Navy, with distinguished Navy personnel throughout, and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff ADM Michael Mullen as reviewing officer. The parade will be televised live to our service members around the world on The Pentagon Channel and locally on NewsChannel 8."
I urge all those who can attend to do so. Remember it's on the 25th of May at 2:00pm. It will be a great event for friends and family.
Here's a clip from Gary Sinise thanking the troops:
And another covering last year's parade and Mr. Sinise's thoughts:
Tonight at 10:30pm my brother and I are holding gladiatorial games at our house. I have thus far put 2 benches, 4 chairs, and a tent on the roof for viewing of the 'arena.' It should be a very exciting and abusive event. We will have 2 on 2 battles, the individual tournament and chariot races. And, as my brother is going back to Mexico and Haiti to make more documentaries for humanitarian projects, people are asked to bring a little contribution if possible to help the people of those regions. Proceeds will go to covering some of my brothers limited expenses and anything beyond that feeds the hungry.
But, I want to point something out for a moment. Gladiatorial games originally were dreadfully horrid affairs with carnage, death, and debauchery. They were something the Romans did to entertain their citizens so the government could sway public opinion in their favor and get people to look away from their frequent ineptitude. However, as we have our event this evening, we do it for a charitable cause. To elucidate the plight of the voiceless. To feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and bring peace to the war-ravaged nations and peoples of the earth. So while the event is violent, competitive, and even fun, the effect is peace, unity, and love. Just an interesting juxtaposition.
So spaghetti. I've decided it's overrated. Seriously. Americans need to branch out every once in a while. Like maybe try linguini, fettuccine, pappardelle, tortellini, ravioli, vermicelli, rigatoni, mostaccioli, manicotti, strozzapreti, radiatore, cavatelli or even campanelle.
And no, I didn't just copy those all from a list on wikipedia (ok, I did for some). But the point is, spaghetti is not the best pasta. It is the most consumed, that I will say, but I will never say it is better than half, or even a majority of the other pasta options. And, you don't have to use just RED sauce. There are pestos, and white sauces that are fabulous. And, stop eating sauce out of the bottle or can all the time. It usually tastes like tomato paste with a little oregano and basil. At least add some flavor to it if you have to use the pre-made crap. And, don't be afraid of cooking your noodles with tons of virgin olive oil and a teaspoon or two of sea salt. I promise you won't regret it. And balsamic vinegar isn't bad in there either. So enough with the cooking lesson.
It's true Americans could eat a little less KFC (JLo likes it), Burger King, Arby's, Carl Jr.'s, and frozen dinners. But isn't it fun to be slovenly? It's too much work to microwave a potato, so I think I should go to a place where it's pre-sliced, and deep fried so that it has no residual potato taste left. And corn dogs are better than eating a pot roast; and they're way cheaper. And with corn in the title, it's like I'm getting a two for one deal: a hot dog AND corn. I'm a friggin genius.
But then on the other side, I could sit around and eat just yogurt and lentils. Ah, then I'd be happy. And my farts would smell like gum drops I bet. I could frolic in a meadow with 12 necklaces around my neck and another 45 around my waist and read poetry to the squirrels. They would love me and bring over acorn tea and massage my feet with their bushy tails. Ah yes, and for breakfast we could eat amaranth and buckwheat and take rodent-sized dumps in the woods, or just go number 1 out the side that should be for number 2.
So perhaps the middle...is......No, it's not better. I'm living with the squirrels. And they better like fettuccine better than spaghetti.
Wouldn't the world be a better place if we all got rid of our leather, and wore some nice lace? Wouldn't it be nice if we could wile away the hours and days frolicking in the meadows, picking flowers and running up and down the beach like in that famous film from 1981, Chariots of Fire? Ah, it would be so perfect and serene. No one would talk loudly or bicker over Red Sox v. Yankees, or how raving mad Osama bin Laden is...they would be calm, composed and apathetic. Oh apathy! How you make us so carefree!
Why should we curl up in huddled masses under school desks when tornados and atomic bombs come hurtling our way? Let us stand up on the desks and embrace the world with arms wide open saying: "Oh Captain, my captain." We should have an international hug day where we go over to Saudi Arabia blow kisses to the Islamic Fundamentalists and hug the sectarian conspirators. Then they would see we're all in it for the peace and harmony, and they can do what they want, we'll still love them and live in our peaceful oblivion. That'll show 'em. Give peace a chance.
We need more of those simple-minded, inebriated, sweet love fests on the national mall like those of yesteryear. Where are all those wonderfully stimulating mind-altering drugs the CIA was so keen on using for their mind control studies? We need more of that. Fill up my bottle and we can dance in circles in the sun for days at a time and never find out which way is up or down. Munching on scones and sipping lemonade we can giggle and jest and live carefree. The man will be all by himself in his office with the blinds blocking the window, and the lights off, behind his computer, grumbling about the sunshine, but we, we will be free.
Michael Powers is a fairly cultured American with an eye for seriousness, but willing to entertain the occasional dabble into the surreal and the inane. His writing focuses on news, random stories, politics, and social issues with his own brand of cynicism, but always with a humorous or optimistic outlook.
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