As you probably could have guessed, I am a fan of Flight of the Conchords (it took me 4 tries to type their name just now). However, my ability to type does not diminish my admiration for their cause. They just want do something special for all the ladies in the world. All it takes is a music video here, a blog post there, and we all can make a difference. I'm doing my part. And you can too. To help show your support for doing something special for all the ladies in the world post a comment below, or send a donation to:
This is quite possibly the greatest advertising campaign I have ever seen. Or, at the very least, one of the best to come along in a while. Dos Equis, the Mexican beer company, has this suave older man (the most interesting man in the world) always surrounded by attractive women, give tips on life, the universe, and everything. This is how you sell stuff:
The most interesting man in the world on pick up lines:
The most interesting man in the world on rollerblading:
The most interesting man in the world on the two-party system:
The most interesting man in the world on packages:
The most interesting man in the world on mixed nuts:
The most interesting man in the world on himself:
Some more background on the most interesting man in the world:
That was a lot of Mexican beer commercials. I'll have to post more later. Let me know what you thought. Maybe I'm alone in my appreciation for this commercial series. I hope not.
I'm sure that most people (aside from Hulk Hogan or Magnus Ver Magnusson from Met-Rx World's Strongest Man Competition) would not find a beefy, muscular woman all that attractive. It's just not something we're accustomed to see that often. It frightens us. It's like seeing a pink poodle mixed with a pit bull and getting some fluffy beast that kills but still gets fashionable haircuts. However, there is an all too common misconception that women tend to have about getting buff and weight lifting.
TOO MANY women believe that if they lift weights they'll turn into the muscle-bound poodle, or some sick Russian gymnast. FALSE. Lifting weights is a great way to stay toned and in shape, regardless of gender. Women very seldom get buff. You have to try really hard to get that way if you are a woman. Furthermore, the typical weight lifting that women should do on a regular basis is toning and strengthening, not body building exercises. What does that mean? It means that instead of lifting a lot of weight with few repetitions and sets, women should lift lighter, more manageable weights with a lot of repetitions and a higher number of sets. It's that simple.
So if I have to hear one more time from a girl at the gym say, "I don't wanna get buff," after I tell them they should lift weights, I'm going to do a lot more than roll my eyes. I'm going to judge her. Right then and there. Judgement. No, I won't condemn her soul, but I will label her in my mind as ignorant and try to enlighten her. Ladies, don't be that girl.
Here's probably one of the best songs you will hear today. I would argue ever. And, before I get too tangential, with some talk about chicken, hay, stimulus bills, or some the revenge of the nerds, I'm going to break it down. Now I do not profess to have anywhere near the ability of Bill Withers, but I want to assault your ability to read with a little abruptly disarming writing. I'm not a song writer, but my voice is not bad and I can play the cello, but, generally speaking that doesn't prove to be the best blog fodder. What does, at least for this blog, is satire, random issues, lists, crazy pictures, videos, and absurd pronouncements. Today I hope to quench that thirst for carefully articulated absurdity.
Today I will address several issues. Call it an omnibus post.
The first issue is how men and women speak. Yes it's hilarious to hear grown men who look huge say something, and then you realize they sound like they belong in the Vienna Boy's Choir. It is also equally disarming and scary (in a different way) to hear petite women with huge Bertha-esque pipes. But that is not the speaking I intend to speak (or write) about. No, I am going to talk about how men tend to be very visceral and detailed in their descriptions of women, while women tend to be very vague and purposely elusive when they describe men.
The reasons for this come down to differences in how men and women see, and are taught to see the world. When a woman describes a man, she tends to say, "He's cute," or, "He's nice," or something equally non-descript like, "He wears nice shirts." Now, this may not be the way all women describe every man, and indeed many women can be very descriptive, but on the whole, most of their vocalizations at least, tend to be mundane, and general. This is because women are taught to value men for their ambition, brains, wit, and things other than physical appearance (or, at the very least, pretend that that's all they care about).
The truth is, women are very concerned with looks as are men. But, maybe on the whole not so concerned as men. That has to do with our culture. Women are significantly more objectified than men. So men, on the other hand are extremely visceral (visually oriented) in their observations about women. A man will say uncouthly "She's got a tight butt," or "I like a woman with curves," or "Her lips are luscious." While some, if not all of these comments probably lack a great deal of tact in most situations, they are certainly more descriptive. And, although it certainly objectifies women, the men saying them are not entirely to blame.
In many instances, women have themselves to blame. Some can say they are driven to wear skimpy clothes by society and culture, and that it is too hard to find modest clothing that is fashionable, but when it comes down to it, it is a choice. However, and this may be where I raise the most ire, while I think men should be more careful with how they say things, I do not think they should be any less descriptive. And, on top of that I wish women were. While no one wants to be thoroughly diagnosed on his or her body image without any modicum of tact or censor (because we are in general fairly disparaging of ourselves without other people's help), being more to the point is nice.
For instance, if you've been working out at the gym for a while and have made noticeable improvements in your abdominal region or with your arms, legs or pectoral muscles, it is nice to feel legitimately validated. A guy is much more likely directly pin point another guy's calves and say, "Your calves are super toned, you're a beast," than a girl would be. So I guess if there's any lesson to be learned from this hopefully informative diagnosis, it is that men need to temper their descriptions a bit, and women need to be more descriptive. I don't care if he's "cute" "nice" or "fun." You haven't said anything about him.
Ok. Next issue.
Your versus you're. The first is a possessive pronoun. The second is a contraction combining the words 'you' and 'are.' Hopefully I am getting a resounding "duh" from those reading at this point. Unfortunately, while many may say "duh," even some of the smartest, and funniest people I know confuse the two, along with there, they're, and their, and all of those others. Now it's okay to flub up every now and then (the mafia will not kill you - right away anyway), but if it is a consistent problem I'm not about to blame public schools, although, I can.
When I see things written online like, "Your stupid" I laugh, wince, and then cry. I just cannot get over the irony. Here's a person making a declarative statement to in essence "put someone in their place" by calling them stupid, but in the same sentence, are sentencing themselves to the same stupidity. As soon as I see some response like that to anything I write online I really do not feel any need to respond. They have responded for me. But, as much as I relish in it, I really don't. It's painful. Like 'nails on a chalkboard,' 'passing a kidney stone,' 'having Jack Bauer torture me' painful.
And here's the last issue: Balloon animals, Babies, and cats. Why are they so funny?
I have always had respect for a certain member of my immediate family. He studied hard, worked hard, ate well (as in healthy food, not necessarily large quantities), and has for most of his life been admirably normal. Well, not normal, but admirably great in the normal way of being great.
Well, I have recently re-thought that admiration. You see, I was on facebook, as is my custom, and saw a few interesting photographs. This family member was tagged in them, but I couldn't really see him. Well, not as I expected to see him anyway. What I did see was a very top heavy woman with little poise and plenty of floozy mannerisms. What I saw was a drag queen.
I spoke to him about it and he said it was for a contest, and that he had won it. Well, as much as I like a winner, I don't know if winning that contest was really a win for him. His mentality was, "Well, if I was going to look like that I was going all out, and I was in it to win it, otherwise it would have all been for nothing."
Winning.
You chose winning over redefining your life-long image of masculinity. Thank you for that. You left me with great pictures to show your future children. I promise I will use them. Frequently.
This Presidential election season has not inspired me. I suppose it's not obligated to do so, but I would even go so far as to say I am beyond fatigued at this point, and indeed disappointed. The methods employed by both campaigns were shoddy and only they only feigned accountability and decency from time to time. The press pretty much shot itself in the foot with its fiendish diagnosis of one side, while almost entirely ignoring anything even remotely detrimental from the other. I believe in tough journalism, but it needs to be equally tough and effacing for both parties. Our press has become so sensationalized and subjective it has caused an uproar among its own.
(These ladies pushing for women's rights look a lot more like Palin, than Hillary - baby and all)
Let me just start by saying, the Los Angeles Times is the most biased newspaper in America. Secondly, aside from the fact that it rarely seeks to be even remotely objective in its 'news reporting,' the quality of its news, sources, and even opinions leaves much to be desired.
I was reading an editorial from the LA Times this morning. It started off with a sneering remark from Gloria Steinem in reference to Sarah Palin: "Here's the good news: Women have become so politically powerful that even the anti-feminist right wing - the folks with a headlock on the Republican Party - are trying to appease the gender gap with a first-ever female vice president." NEWS FLASH to Steinem: You don't have to be a democrat, or a liberal to be a feminist. SECOND NEWS FLASH: You don't have to be a woman to be a feminist.
But if that were all Steinem had said I may have just chuckled, but she decided to hit the same old talking points about Palin. She's inexperienced, she is from a small state, her record. All of her points have been addressed thoroughly. Don't tell me Biden has more experience. If we're comparing legislative experience to executive experience she wins. And, executive versus legislative is like apples versus oranges. And, personally I think Palin will win any debate with him easily.
But let me get back to my news flashes. I am a devout feminist. I believe that women not only can do the jobs that men do, but should and can many times do them better. I also believe strong women who know what they want are the most attractive people the human race has to offer. Now, it is true that I am a registered republican. However, that is more for convenience than anything else. I more closely affiliate myself with the Libertarian party, and the conservative branch of it. More John Stuart Mill than Barr. But, as a republican I am painted as some chauvinistic, overweight, white, CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Guess what folks? I'm not. I am probably only one of those things, and being white isn't a crime yet in this country. And, I might get fat someday. But generally speaking, the republican party is made up of average everyday Americans who simply believe in limited government, strong families, religious freedom, free markets, and moral consciousness. Most people who have studied the history of the world, politics, and the United States know that our roots in this country go back to classic 19th century liberalism, which is almost a mirror of those attributes I just listed.
We trust the government, but keep it in check because we don't entirely trust it. It needs to protect us from foreign oppressors and injustice, create a some what decent and functional infrastructure, but otherwise stay out of our business. That is the American way. Sometimes we forget that, and believe the government should rock us in our cribs in our infancy and then hover over our bedsides at death. That cradle to grave mentality is irresponsible and wrong. We have agency, our own minds, opinions, and capabilities. The government is just a framework.
But, before I get too far along with my praise for the ideals of our forebears, let me return to feminism, and equality. Question: Which party freed the slaves? Answer: The republican party. Question: Which party founded the policy idea of environmental responsibility and the national park system? Answer: The republican party. Question: Which party put the first woman on the supreme court? Answer: The republican party. Question: Which party put more minorities in its Presidential cabinet for the past 3 decades? Answer: the republican party. Hmmm. So how is it that the democrats somehow get to lay claim to environmentalism, minority rights, and women's rights? The Answer to that is obvious. They like to take hold of the republican party's good ideas, then say the ideas were their's to begin with.
Well, I don't think America is stupid enough to be duped into believing that. All I want people to do this election cycle, and every other that follows it, is to be completely informed on the candidates, look at their proposals, and think which will do the better job at keeping America American. I tend to think the democrats are pushing for America to become another European country. In my opinion, that's a terrible idea.
One thing that I've always found interesting: Every woman wants to go to Paris. It is like the world's Mecca for women to go to find themselves. I've had a lot of my lady friends go there recently. And, I have nothing against the city, but I get very skeptical about its mystique and amazingness when almost every ridiculously overt and entirely unmitigated and trusting endorsement comes from the mouths of women. And, generally they call it wonderful and exciting before they even set foot there.
The truth is, Paris is kinda cool, but very dirty. There are great museums, shops, gardens (but you can find that in other parts of France minus the filth, sleaze, and weirdness). I just think we should broaden our horizons a bit. Women need to stop letting their fantasies control them. Paris is the metrosexual son of King Priam without cajones that started the Trojan war by kidnapping Helen. Paris is the daughter of the Hiltons who has no taste or class, and no intelligence. Almost all the cities named after Paris in the US suck (like Paris Idaho). And Paris in France is only a little better than all those aforementioned Parises.
In the word 'women' there has always been an inherently and glaringly obvious warning to english speakers. That warning is found in the the first two letters: 'w' and 'o,' forming 'wo' or it's equivalent 'whoa.' Whoa comes from the Middle English whoo and who and came about in the 15th century. The first two definitions for whoa are as follows:
1. A command (as to a draft animal) to stand still
2. Cease or slow a course of action or a line of though: pause to consider or reconsider - often used to express a strong reaction (as alarm or astonishment)
So, when we say women or woman, men should stop and consider the rest of the word. It would do a lot of good for men in general to cease of slow a course of action or line of thought, or even consider or reconsider women more carefully.
I have on many occasions been alarmed, or astonished by women. And, unfortunately I neglected to whoa. I more often tended to woo. And that is the problem. Women are not to be trifled with. 'Women' the word, is a command: Whoa, men. Like, "Hold your horses, (because if you don't you're seriously going to regret it)." I'm not going to go into details, but I think in one way or another most of you will agree.
Picture of 'Birth of Venus' by Boticelli found on this site.
I am trying to limit my posting to 3-4 times a week, but sometimes I just really need to do it out of schedule. And, it helps when I think I have a good topic. Some of you might like it anyway. I'd like to delve into women's fashion for a moment. Wait, it's not what you think. I'm talking about women's fashion for men. That's right. I'm sure you've seen them, strutting their stuff down the street in women's country club shoes (keds and other canvas loafers) and sporting women's pants. So as not to appear straight up transvestite, the term to describe the pants is "skinny pants." That sounds so much better. I mean isn't that what all real men are really concerned with? Their skinniness?
To be honest and frank, as is my custom, I must attest to the fact that I have not yet experienced the supposed feminine joy of wearing skinny pants. They just look way to comfortable. And for me, with my svelt girlish figure it would just make me another piece of eye candy for those who prescribe to the emaciated Ethiopian refugee Abercrombie and J Crew models' look. And, I'm sure the pants would make my butt look big. But as for the black nail polish, eye shadow and whiney music; I'm all for it. I look sexy in dark hues and tears. And, so does anyone with a lot of emotional baggage, or feigned baggage. In fact, you can feign baggage so much easier when you look like a cross between scarecrow, Edwards Scissorhands and Marilyn Manson. I prefer Charles. But that is neither here nor there. And then you can scream your heart out to Fall Out Boy and lurk behind graffiti plastered back alley walls waiting for your friends to come hang out so you can talk about how horrible your day was. It's a dream life really. Ah, to live the Emo dream.
Michael Powers is a fairly cultured American with an eye for seriousness, but willing to entertain the occasional dabble into the surreal and the inane. His writing focuses on news, random stories, politics, and social issues with his own brand of cynicism, but always with a humorous or optimistic outlook.
I'm sure that most people (aside from Hulk Hogan or Magnus Ver Magnusson from Met-Rx World's Strongest Man Competition) would not find a beefy, muscular woman all that attractive. It's just not something we're accustomed to see that often. It frightens us. It's like seeing a pink poodle mixed with a pit bull and getting some fluffy beast that kills but still gets fashionable haircuts. However, there is an all too common misconception that women tend to have about getting buff and weight lifting.
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