Facebook Events I Decline

As some of you know, I am no longer in Utah. One boon to come from this move is that now when I get invites to random parties and events in and around Utah on facebook I can unhesitatingly decline without feeling the least bit of remorse. This has been the case for any events I was invited to by friends in New England for the past couple of years, but now it is true of Utah. Unless the event is held in cyberspace, Brazil, Hawaii, or some other place I actually have an interest in visiting I probably won't be there. Speaking of which I wanted to invite you all to my latest event:

Party in Brazo-Hawaiian Cyberspace!

When: Right now

Why: Shut up

Food: Will be delicious

Who: Everyone. Even dead people and zombies

Tag Line: Because she'll only turn 21 once...

RSVP: Yes or No. If you say "maybe," you're not coming.

This wormhole in cyberspace will take you to:

This beach. And this is where we're having the party.

10 Ways to be Successfully Lame

Here is a list of 10 ways to be successfully lame:

1. Rake up your neighbor's leaves, put them in your yard, and then leave them there all winter.

2. Write a blog post describing 10 ways you can be successfully lame.

3. Tousle your hair with gel or wax into some random position just because you can.

4. Don't go to a friend's party because 'You don't feel like it,' or because you want to go to another party with a bunch of random people you don't know or care about.

5. Abscond with someone's forks and don't give them back for a month, and never, at any point claim responsibility even when they know it was you.

6. If you have a name other than Bill, rename yourself Bill.

7. Make a habit of smelling your feet all the time. If they smell gross, do it again.

8. Shoot down anyone's idea of fun (This includes any time anyone suggests anything that does not involve chilling).

9. Lease or buy a car way out of your price range (Preferably an import). Hock family heirlooms if possible.

10. Don't read this.

Happy New Year, New Month, New Day, New Hour...

I'm sure you've read about new year's resolutions, lists of bests and worsts of the past year, and all that mumbo jumbo on other blogs. Well, I'm not about to be one of those other blogs. 

It is indeed a new year. 2008 has left us. But honestly, so what? It happens every year. One year goes and another one comes. It's really not any more exciting than the calender turning from March to April. In fact, I have end of the month parties regularly. I get bags of balloons, confetti, party hats, noise-makers, and random circus animals at the end of every month. I often invite long estranged or hardly related family members to these parties, and any other random people I can find in the neighborhood. 

And, if end of the month parties were not enough, I also throw end of the week parties, end of the day parties, and end of the hour parties. Some turn out to be bigger than others, but all are worth it. It's fun to celebrate turning a new leaf. Whether that leaf is an hour, a month, or a year, all I can say is it's fun.

I'm also celebrating the end of this blog post. Come join me.

I am a feminist

(These ladies pushing for women's rights look a lot more like Palin, than Hillary - baby and all)

Let me just start by saying, the Los Angeles Times is the most biased newspaper in America. Secondly, aside from the fact that it rarely seeks to be even remotely objective in its 'news reporting,' the quality of its news, sources, and even opinions leaves much to be desired.

I was reading an editorial from the LA Times this morning. It started off with a sneering remark from Gloria Steinem in reference to Sarah Palin: "Here's the good news: Women have become so politically powerful that even the anti-feminist right wing - the folks with a headlock on the Republican Party - are trying to appease the gender gap with a first-ever female vice president." NEWS FLASH to Steinem: You don't have to be a democrat, or a liberal to be a feminist. SECOND NEWS FLASH: You don't have to be a woman to be a feminist.

But if that were all Steinem had said I may have just chuckled, but she decided to hit the same old talking points about Palin. She's inexperienced, she is from a small state, her record. All of her points have been addressed thoroughly. Don't tell me Biden has more experience. If we're comparing legislative experience to executive experience she wins. And, executive versus legislative is like apples versus oranges. And, personally I think Palin will win any debate with him easily.

But let me get back to my news flashes. I am a devout feminist. I believe that women not only can do the jobs that men do, but should and can many times do them better. I also believe strong women who know what they want are the most attractive people the human race has to offer. Now, it is true that I am a registered republican. However, that is more for convenience than anything else. I more closely affiliate myself with the Libertarian party, and the conservative branch of it. More John Stuart Mill than Barr. But, as a republican I am painted as some chauvinistic, overweight, white, CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Guess what folks? I'm not. I am probably only one of those things, and being white isn't a crime yet in this country. And, I might get fat someday. But generally speaking, the republican party is made up of average everyday Americans who simply believe in limited government, strong families, religious freedom, free markets, and moral consciousness. Most people who have studied the history of the world, politics, and the United States know that our roots in this country go back to classic 19th century liberalism, which is almost a mirror of those attributes I just listed. 

We trust the government, but keep it in check because we don't entirely trust it. It needs to protect us from foreign oppressors and injustice, create a some what decent and functional infrastructure, but otherwise stay out of our business. That is the American way. Sometimes we forget that, and believe the government should rock us in our cribs in our infancy and then hover over our bedsides at death. That cradle to grave mentality is irresponsible and wrong. We have agency, our own minds, opinions, and capabilities. The government is just a framework. 

But, before I get too far along with my praise for the ideals of our forebears, let me return to feminism, and equality. Question: Which party freed the slaves? Answer: The republican party. Question: Which party founded the policy idea of environmental responsibility and the national park system? Answer: The republican party. Question: Which party put the first woman on the supreme court? Answer: The republican party. Question: Which party put more minorities in its Presidential cabinet for the past 3 decades? Answer: the republican party. Hmmm. So how is it that the democrats somehow get to lay claim to environmentalism, minority rights, and women's rights? The Answer to that is obvious. They like to take hold of the republican party's good ideas, then say the ideas were their's to begin with.

Well, I don't think America is stupid enough to be duped into believing that. All I want people to do this election cycle, and every other that follows it, is to be completely informed on the candidates, look at their proposals, and think which will do the better job at keeping America American. I tend to think the democrats are pushing for America to become another European country. In my opinion, that's a terrible idea. 

Summer Weddings

So far this summer I have been to, or been invited to some ten or so weddings. I think that is great. It's nice to see friends move on to a new stage in their lives while I remain the rock in the river. I don't budge. But at any rate, I have certainly had the opportunity to think about the subject quite a bit. I think about it when I attend the receptions, do the whole receiving line thing, and partake of their food and dancing.

In Utah, from what I have seen so far, people stick with efficient, low-budget receptions. People tend to have their reception in some big hall they rented out with some decent decorations and generally some ice cream, sweets, or cake, with a receiving line of some kind and the cutting of the cake, bouquet, and garter being affairs that get drowned in the mayhem.

I must say, 'just cake' receptions kinda suck. I mean, I know I'm there to show solidarity for some friends, but I think food at a wedding reception makes or breaks it. I honestly don't think it matters if you have ten to even twenty different varieties of cakes or ice cream. When I come to a wedding reception I expect at the very least some little sandwiches or shrimp cocktail. And lemon water is pretty weak, even if you have the option to have orange, cucumber, and strawberry water. I think fountain drinks, juices, smoothies, etc. are not a bad call. I know some of you may be thinking I'm picky, but I think of it like this:

You get married (hopefully) once in your life. So, you want to get it right, and pull out all the stops. So, for future reference, if any of you reading this come to my wedding (whenever that happens), there will be a full wet bar, lobster, clams, steak, shrimp, sushi, sandwiches, soup, salad, along with much merriment. I know some of you probably think I don't have much say because I'm not the bride, but there are some things I will not budge on. And those are food items. They must be plentiful and good. I think that's only reasonable. If I want good gifts, I should throw a sweet, top notch party.

Independence Day

There are floats, parades, rodeos, mud wrestling bouts, pie-eating contests, flags, salutes, hot rods, hot dogs, hamburgers, fireworks, fire crackers, bands, orchestras, random government officials, and of course, much merriment. And that's it. It's all about the fun. It's all about the noise and rowdy exuberance.

The only reason we celebrate independence and years of strife, conflict, blessings and freedom is to have a decent excuse to throw a rager. We, as Americans need to party. We need a national birthday party complete with all the grandiose things and plenty of our rugged American shadiness. We need the Boston Pops playing as the Charles River lights up from firework barges. We need excess grilling, more burning of wood, charcoal, and anything that will make a fizzle. We need exotic dancers twirling patriotic batons and cowgirls decked out in Mary Kay and ribbons.


We deserve it. God bless America.