We just met; now let's get married.

Ok I really need to share something that troubles me (and that is putting it lightly). The reason mind you, is because I am concerned for others' well-being (I know that might be hard to believe).

Let me explain what I find ridiculous in the past couple of weeks. For those of you who don't know, I am a Mormon and I attend church in a BYU 'singles ward' out here in Utah. A ward is comparable to a parish in the Catholic church, like a local group. Now in the Mormon, or, LDS church we have a lay clergy, meaning everyone has a calling and no one gets paid. One calling in our ward is one that entails creating a weekly newsletter called 'The BYU 57th Ward Weekly.' In the past it has had little interviews with people in the ward in the 'Getting to Know You' section as well as articles about new events and even dating advice columns and cartoons. However, for the past couple of weeks the only stories being printed have been engagements. Not that engagements aren't newsworthy, but the sheer volume is incredible. There have been over the past two weeks 5 announcements. Now I think that is great. For some. But some of the stories frighten me. One such story is as follows:



"Conveniently, Bo Curly's* car broke down. It was convenient because then Barbara Ann* gave him a ride home. He asked for her number and called her. She didn't call him back that night, but he called her the next morning anyway. They started dating, and although Barbara knew "it would work out" within the first several days of their relationship, the two dated for a month and a half before Bo proposed. Courtney Ann, as Barbara's roommate, sister, and sole local representative of the Ann family, sanctioned the marriage before Bo took definitive action. She even got to see the ring first.

Barbara knew Bo was going to propose. She even "stopped strategically" several times on a walk with him one night to give him the opportunity. Finally, when the two got back into the car, she gave up. It was just going to have to wait another day. As she started to walk away, he called her back and proposed."

What I love most out of the article is "although Barbara knew it would work out within the first several days..." To be honest that frightens me. Not that I don't believe it's possible, but highly improbable and possibly a delusional or delirious reaction. I sincerely hope they both find absolute bliss together, but I worry that they jumped the gun, maybe just a smidge. And the article was not the least bit romantic, but pretty robotic (ooolala robot love)...I just hope that was because of the author and not the actual story. But if that weren't enough here's another one:



"On August 22, Kate Rigadoo* and Frank Bebop* will be married in the Portland temple, the same temple where her family was sealed eight years ago. Kate and Frank both work at BYU Laundry. One day she went to the back looking for window cleaning supplies, and she needed help finding them. Frank came to the rescue with a friend of his; during conversation with Kate he learned that she had served a mission. The two struck up a conversation about their missions. Kate was sick for the next week, however, and was unable to attend work; Frank thought she had quit. When she returned to work, he came to find her. They went out that Friday and were exclusive by Sunday. Six weeks later, Kate and Frank were sitting in her apartment, talking and laughing after a long day. He paused in the conversation and asked, "Will you marry me?" "Yes," she replied. He double checked: "Really, you'll marry me?" They kissed, and then he got down on one knee and proposed again in Chinese. The next day, after they had picked a date, he proposed yet again - commitment style this time. "Will you marry me on August 22 at 3:00 p.m. in the Portland temple?" She has said yes every time."

The part I love about this one is "they went out that Friday and were exclusive by Sunday." That is awesome. I mean wow, they were so in sync. There's no way that any other time was needed. It was fate.

If these stories trouble you, then thank you for being reasonable. If you think they are cute and special, I kind of question your sanity and sense of normalcy. At any rate, I wish them all the best, and am sure as hell not going to follow their lead. I know God made the world in 6 days, so marriage in 6 weeks is not a biggie. Not at all. It's not like that decision is going to affect the rest of your life, or as Mormons believe, the rest of eternity. It could be a starter marriage...to get more experience maybe. Yeah, that's it.

*Names have been changed

The 'Ubersexual' in all of us

Can a man truly consider himself manly if he engages in certain activities? Are there certain things that are just taboo? Where does one draw the line? Let me give an example.

Let's say I know a guy named Fred. He had a floral design class this semester at college. Not only this, but he enjoyed it, and likes arranging flowers. Now, if that were all I'm sure we could easily look over his flower arranging fetish, but he also writes poetry, and even has a poetry blog. And, he likes to cook. Hmmm.....is he borderline metro? Let's look at the wikipedia definition:

"The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis – because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference. Particular professions, such as modeling, waiting tables, media, pop music and, nowadays, sport, seem to attract them but, truth be told, like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere.

For some time now, old-fashioned (re)productive, repressed, unmoisturized heterosexuality has been given the pink slip by consumer capitalism. The stoic, self-denying, modest straight male didn't shop enough (his role was to earn money for his wife to spend), and so he had to be replaced by a new kind of man, one less certain of his identity and much more interested in his image – that's to say, one who was much more interested in being looked at (because that's the only way you can be certain you actually exist). A man, in other words, who is an advertiser's walking wet dream."

Well I'm pretty sure Fred goes to the gym and uses moisturizer creams, but does this make us question his sexuality? Perhaps not. Perhaps he took the floral design class because he knew the ratio of girls to guys would be 20:1 and he wanted to look more caring, affectionate and get a few more dates. Perhaps he writes poetry to emulate one of the most notorious lady's men of all time, Lord Byron, and perhaps he cooks because he enjoys a good meal every now and then. Hmmm. Even if these justifications were true, it leads one to wonder. Maybe he's just ubersexual. Never heard of it before? Here's the definition:

The word "'übersexual" (from German über = above, superior and Latin sexus = gender) was claimed to be coined by the authors of the book Future of Men (O'Reilly, Matathia, Salzman, 2005). It is a variant of metrosexual. The word seems to have been inspired by the phrase "uber-metrosexual", used by the creator of the metrosexual Mark Simpson to describe David Beckham. Salzman appropriated Simpson's work on the metrosexual in 2002 to sell another book.

Simpson has pointed out that the book contains several deliberate misrepresentations of him, his work, and the history of the metrosexual.

Many of the "top ubersexuals" named by Salzman, such as Bono, Bill Clinton and George Clooney were on her list of "top metrosexuals" in 2003.

The authors of Future of Men argue that the übersexual is not derivative of the metrosexual man.

The future of men, proclaim the authors, is "not to be found in the primped and waxed boy who wowed the world with his nuanced knowledge of tweezers and exfoliating creams. Men, at the end of the day, will have to rely on their intellect and their passion, their erudition and professional success, to be acknowledged and idealised in contemporary society. Called the 'übersexual'—-a degree of greatness and perfection, an acknowledgment that this is an evolved species of man—he is so perfect as to leave little margin for error and fallacy."

Some, including Simpson and Armistead Maupin, have suggested that behind this confused/confusing marketing-speak there was something rather simpler going on: a homophobic attempt to stop the metrosexual being so "gay". Or, as Salzman herself put it proudly, the ubersexual (unlike the metrosexual) "doesn't invite questions about his sexuality".

Simpson has argued that from the beginning the appropriation of the metrosexual concept by American marketers such as Salzman in 2003 was always about trying to straighten him out. His original definition of the metrosexual was sexually ambiguous, or at least went beyond the straight/gay binary; marketers, in contrast, insisted that the metrosexual was always "straight" – they even tried to pretend that he wasn't vain.

However, they failed to convince the public - hence the uber-straight ubersexual.

Despite a large global PR push for their 'new', completely 'non-gay' metrosexual, and a slavishly uncritical press which failed to notice that the list of top ten ubersexuals was largely the same as the one's they'd been printed two years previously for top ten metrosexuals, the 'ubersexual' failed to catch on with the public and was stillborn, as Salzman has admitted herself.

That's it, he's ubersexual. Let's cut to the chase. The author of this blog post is Fred. And on a the occasion of a friend's graduation party from college he dressed up in a very well tailored pin stripe suit, hand-woven silk tie and polished black shoes with Armani cologne. This is when his friend's mother declared him an ubersexual along with her son who had just graduated. Intrigued I of course had to do some research before accepting the title. Then along came wikipedia. I suppose now I must agree.

Potato Fun

As many of you may be aware, I have as of late been on a strict potato diet. And, by strict I don't mean just potatoes although that is generally what 'strict' implies. I have been eating them just about everyday with ranch and BBQ sauce or butter and salt and pepper and it's been a welcome food for many reasons, most of all taste. Potatoes contain iron, vitamin A, C and some Bs as well as protein. They say eating a lot of them will make you fat, but I tend to think the contrary is true. In fact, I think I have lost fat since I went on my potato diet. However, there always is a but. As cheap, delicious and even healthful as potatoes are, they have their drawbacks. And some might know the biggest one. Flatulence. Now I'm sure there are those of you who love flatulence and having the ability to make your own body tuba music, but for those of us who every now and then like to sit down with friends and maybe even go on the occasional date, it's not quite so appealing. I honestly don't know what it is that make potatoes so gas prone, but I know that they are and if you're going to eat them, you must live with the consequences. While of course a gaseous exclamation every now and then certainly can ease your troubles, I prefer to quell the beast whenever possible. But, at least for now, at the current rate of my potato consumption my room mates and friends are probably just going to have to buy more scented candles and incense.

I do not believe in the library.

That's right. I do not believe in the library. I don't care how many times you clap your hands to bring it back to life...it is dead to me. Everyone at BYU has this special love affair with this building chock-full of old dusty volumes and over-sized potted plants. But for me, I am better off at home. I know, I know...studying is so much easier at the library because it is quiet and every resource you could ever want is at your fingertips...but to me it is an austere, cold, callused voluminous beast that swallows peoples' souls. I, of course probably have an advantage. My room mates are hardly ever at home when I need to write big papers or study, so I don't have a whole lot of distractions. That, and I don't mind being distracted, and actually find that I am happier and do better work when I have people to talk to that I know, comfortable couches to sit on, and access to Red Sox games, ESPN and my enormous front window. I feel at home, because, well, I'm at home. Now, I'm not saying that studying at home is the best strategy for everyone, but if you can, do it.

Snow on April 11th

All I have is an acronym: WTF. So much for global warming. I am ready to welcome it with open arms. Seriously. Winter's grasp is so strong it has killed spring so far. Killed it. It was snowing last night and this morning with random flurries throughout the day. I want heat. Bring on a new medieval warm period like during the Renaissance! I want sunshine. I want to be able to cook eggs on the asphalt. I want more UV and sun cancer! Bring on the sun. We need more flatulent cows, more diesel fumes! Let's accelerate this thing!

Good bye Semester!

Relief. Euphoria. Exhaustion. Gladness. A bittersweet farewell. Well, mostly sweet. These are a few of my favorite things at the end of a semester. Just a few short hours ago I finished a paper. The paper was not all that well-written mind you, but I got it done. That's what matters. That, and there are no more papers until next fall. But, while I live in peace for this moment, finals looms on the horizon like those deep purple and black storm clouds that stroll in uninvited on a beautifully sunny spring day. I think some of you, if not all might be able to relate. But, why must it be so bittersweet? I mean I should be able to clap my hands together and sing Hallelujah and do back flips (I'm working on the back flips...maybe for graduation, if that ever happens). The semester is done! Shout from the bell tower! Run around Notre Dame with Quasimodo! Victory!

Ah, but then we miss our new friends, our old friends, and perhaps on occasion, even a teacher (cough). We miss the monotony of hours of class and going in and out of consciousness in class, or checking facebook during an important lecture. We miss the soothing ring of that bell when we get into class just in the nick of time. We miss those people in the front row who always know the answer and contribute such wonderfully pertinent things to class like their trip to Maui last winter and how much their cat barfed the night before. We miss it all. Oh the memories. Let us revel. Thank you for letting my parents spent thousands of dollars on this wonderfully life-altering and mind-numbing education. I am so looking forward to Grad school.

Wazzup Dude? How are you?

The ways we communicate are many and intricate. From town to town, county to county, state to state, or nation to nation there are variations in inflection, nasality, dialect, and language. For the purpose of this post I'd like to address a some what common trend. You may see it as a bad thing, or a good thing, or you may not care either way.

The simple fact is, wherever you go in the United States, you run into a preponderance of colloquialisms, slang, and mumbling. Personally I find myself more drawn to the mumbling (It is the perfect way to say something offensive without anyone really perceiving it except your closest mumble-translating friends). But, the far greater concern is not the mumblers, although perhaps we should enunciate more clearly.

The real problem is everyone who overuses the following words: stuff, things, dude, yeah, sweet, cool, crap, ya know, like, etc. Rarely, if ever does anyone truly use any of those words correctly in day-to-day speech. What it could represent is a dumbing down of the American-english vulgate. Or, perhaps the spread of MTV and surfer culture has made a massive juggernaut movement. I happen to be part of the surfer culture, but, contrary to what you might think, not all are sun-crisped air heads. In fact most are not. But, even though they may have MBAs or be CEOs and lawyers...they still love to use the words brah, dude, whoa, wazzup, gnarly and the like. This lingo has its proper time and place in my opinion. On the beach, at the board shop, on a surf trip, in the ocean, at the X games, etc. But, this language has made its way into Universities and the workplace and places that one might have thought could be safe, or even immune.

However, what helps it gain momentum is instant messenging, text messaging, and the ever-growing need to be cool and maintain a "I'm smart, but I don't need to use good grammar or complicated language to communicate." With the information age, it becomes easier to talk to one another in a variety of ways, but we also tend to communicate in the most base and easy way. Why? It's less time consuming. It's much easier to send a text that says "Wazup bro? R U goin 2nite to that thing?" than "Hey Tom, how are you? Are you going to the Maroon 5 concert?" And, some might think the second form makes you sound like a pompous dork. Why should we need to punctuate? Who cares about grammar? I got the point across didn't I? Yes. Yes you did, but I can't say I could vote for you for public office, or feel comfortable about sending my kids to a school where you teach. I doubt there is much we can do about the trend...unless we decide that we want to take the time to speak and write well without being ashamed of it.

The cool kids with the sweet lingo don't get the important jobs that go places or change the world. The stubborn people who like books, reading, writing, and public speaking get them. Talk amongst yourselves.

I'm famous!

Everybody these days is famous in the blogosphere. Wow, just writing the word blogosphere makes me feel like some cultish cyber-weirdo (well, maybe I am). Some of you may never know. And, then again, some of you are probably just nodding your heads in agreement.

So, back to the point. With the advent of blogs, podcasts, social networking sites and the like, people who otherwise would have slid under the proverbial rug, are running the world. Some people, and occasionally I find myself falling into this category, prefer to get their news from blogs rather than CNN or MSNBC. It's almost like a total system upheaval...and, I kinda like it. But that being said, with the good blogs come the bad/mediocre/crap blogs.

Now, as much as I would like to think that there are lots of good ones, the truth is that most probably suck and are poorly edited (Some of you are thinking, "Yeah like this one"), but believe me, there are worse. And, I really don't think I need to give to a list of them, they're easy enough to find. But, even though people now publish through RSS feeds everything from their baby's first poopy diaper to diatribes about the weather, they aren't really published columnists. Much less authors. And, although some are, rarely are they even AP contributors. Often they are computer savvy college kids, bored teenagers, soccer moms or the unemployed. But, even though everyone chips in their two cents, the colorful myriad of poetry, satire, ramblings and photo journals is enough to cause one to be ecstatic. Or crazy. Or both. I am not some amazing author. Clearly. I have fun with it. But I guess we just need to be more discerning, because, most people can't write for beans (or any other food-like substance). Just because I have a blog, you have a blog and my friend's dog has a blog doesn't mean we're awesome...well, if you're the dog, maybe it does.

Useless Facebook groups: Boycotting Oil Companies

Here is the link to a facebook group, that, like so many others is trying to solve a complex problem with an over-simplified solution. The problem, as is deemed by the creator of the group is that gas prices are way up, and the only way to bring them down is to boycott the largest supplier of gasoline in the US, Exxon/Mobil. I could go into much more detail about how the dollar is still sliding, inflation is up, and the FED is doing a terrible job trying to keep a weakening economy afloat....but let's just keep to the basics. Here is what I posted when I added this group:

"Ok, I only joined [this group] because the logic is flawed and I'd like to tell you all to WAKE UP! Exxon/Mobil sets its prices based on the price per barrel they pay to OPEC. Therefore, the real problem is what the Saudis, the Venezuelans and the Iranians are charging, not our American companies. You want cheaper gas?! Allow drilling in ANWR, and allow us to use our own resources so we're not so dependent on OPEC."

So, to bring this to a hopefully more hopeful conclusion, perhaps I should make a group that pushes for more development of our domestic resources, green energy and more hardline negotiations with the countries that make up the cartel that is OPEC. But, more than likely people would find that group too complex, and settle for the useless boycott. It never has anything to do with what is the best way to get things done; people just like to do whatever sounds cooler. That says a lot about America. And people in general. Maybe I should just play some Bob Marley and get stoned and forget about life for a while. At least then I could wake up happy and talk about Sheriffs, love, and not rocking my boat instead of facebook oil boycotts.

Wake up to the chant of CHANGE (with no direction)!

Wake up people! Seriously. Now that we've had a couple months of a prolonged democratic nominating contest, you can see the candidates so much more clearly. The contrasts are telling. I will refer to Obama right now.

In the beginning, I'm sure you well remember his constant mantra of CHANGE! CHANGE! CHANGE! My question, is I think very relevant. Remember that quote that "The only constant in this world is change"? Well at least that hasn't changed. So then I ask, what's the big deal? From the looks of things, Obama talks out of one side of the mouth, while mumbling something unappealing an unintelligible on the other side. By that I mean he calls for us to rise above partisan politics all the while toting the most liberal voting record in the senate for 2007.

Then there's the fact that his preacher, Jeremiah Wright, whom he never really distanced himself from, thinks black people are the only people who are worthwhile. You should listen to his sermons on youtube.com, it's all about how the white man has it out for the black man, and how the black community must rise up against the evil white wave. Please. How is this a new kind of non-divisive politics? It's that whole concept of unity through disunity that I guess I never got. Sure. Lets favor one group over another to compensate for years of inequality the other way. Bring equality through inequality! Fight fire with fire! Genius. But I digress.

Obama is eloquent. Obama is charismatic. Obama has a decent image. Why? Because eight months ago, no one knew he he was. Now they do. How fortunate for the voters. Not so fortunate for him. Turns out he's got a closet loaded full of skeletons. And, on top of it, he has no real leadership experience. Two years in the Illinois senate and two more as a junior senator does not make you qualified to be leader of the free world. He might as well do one of those Holiday Inn Express commercials. I can see it now, the President of the EU comes to the White House to shake his hand and he starts talking about his new golfing buddy Raul Castro and how he will solve all our problems with universal health care...and then on top of that balance the budget with more taxes...then the President of the EU says, "Who are you again?" And Obama says, "Well I'm just a junior senator from Illinois that bribes people to vote for me with Dave Matthews Band tickets, but I also stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night." Classic.