New Study: Eating ice is good for you

After a ten year study scientists and dentists alike from the Smile Happy Council have come to the conclusion that eating ice is not so bad. In fact, eating ice can be a good thing for your health. Some of the reasons cited were as follows:

* Eating ice reduces boredom 

* Eating ice also improves jaw strength

* Eating ice reduces stress

* (Most dentists agree) Even if the ice breaks your teeth, they can be fixed for a nominal fee 

* Eating ice can be a good way to start social interactions with people you do not know

* Eating ice can be a good way to get people's attention

* Eating ice is great for movie sound effects

* If you are agitated at a loved one, eating ice near their ear is a creative way to reprimand

The study had a sample size of 15,000 ice eaters and 15,000 non-ice eaters and was carried outfrom 1999 to 2009. Dr. Klenners, who led the study, had this to say:

"Ice eating has been in my family for generations. It's a family past time really. I started the study to see if it had benefits and to dispel myths about eating ice. I think the results are going to surprise some people. Now instead of 'an apple a day' people might start with 'a tray of ice cubes a day.' It's just wonderful. And such a social activity. I even do it with my dog."

The team who worked on the study highlighted the importance of social interaction with ice eating. Of all the 15,000 ice eaters studied, only 5% said they did it in private. One such outlier, Bob Barnes had this to say:

"I'm ashamed of the way it crunches. Everybody stares at me. I usually just grab a tray of ice and munch it in the closet. That way their beady little eyes aren't glaring at me or my ice."

It was also determined that Mr. Barnes is somewhat of a schizophrenic. Most people who ate ice did so in public so they could share with friends and "spread the joy" of eating ice to those they loved. Some scientists thought this might be a subliminal type of indoctrination strategy, but Margaret Johansen, ice eater extraordinaire, had this to say:

"Eating ice takes the edge off for me. It's like eating something and punching a wall at the same time. That, and if I eat it just before eating super frozen ice cream it makes the experience so much easier. I also love having friends over when I eat ice. We can all sit around in a circle and vent with a bowl of ice in the middle. The crunch soothes as we let it all out."

Margaret's story was in fact not all that uncommon. While women in the study connected their ice eating to stress reduction, men tended to do it because it was "fun" or "crunchy." Sam Steuer, a Packers fan, said, 

"Eating ice is awesome. It's like eating rocks made of water....frozen water. And, when me and my buddies get together for tailgating at Lambeau field sometimes all we have to drink...er...eat is buckets of ice. It's what makes us men."

The new evidence of the social, physical, and psychological benefits of eating ice are astounding. Over time the Smile Happy Council hopes to push more ice onto the menus of public schools, local franchise restaurants, and make it more available at grocery stores. Certain wholesale food companies are already toying with the idea of novelty ices with fun shapes like penguins and balloons. Where it all will lead, nobody knows, but, happy chewing!

The Humanity of a Baboon

Baboons.

We rarely think of them, and when we do it is in a trifle and demeaning way. If our friend or sibling does something untoward or infantile, we might call him or her a baboon. Well, perhaps no longer.

A new study from San Diego State University claims that baboons have more humanity than we give them credit for. In fact, they might even be more human than we are ourselves. Head researcher for SDSU Dr. Julie Hammond said:

"I know as humans we generally find staring rude, but baboons have taken it to another level. If you stare at a baboon it is seen as a threat. He'll kill you. Perhaps that sounds draconian, but baboons seem to be more socially conscious and polite because of it."

The main baboon in the study goes by the name of Rupert. And, just to mess with him, this reporter stared at him from behind. After about 15 seconds Rupert lashed out and began banging ruthlessly on the cage.

"Rupert is a special baboon. He has a sixth sense when it comes to people staring at him. He can tell from a mile away. He can even tell if some inanimate object is staring at him. Why, just last week he put the smack down on his stuffed teddy bear," said Dr. Hammond.

When I asked Julie why Rupert is alone in a cage by himself she said:

"Rupert is a little beyond the curve for baboons when it comes to reinforcing social norms. He's so human-like in that respect."

When I pushed her further she said:

"He got a funny look from his grandmother. We called her Miss Loulou. He ate her alive and then urinated on her dead body."

That being said, I thanked Dr. Hammond and decided not to stare at Rupert again. But, to show that there was no hard feelings, I left him a banana. Rupert shrieked at me.

"Oh, he's allergic to bananas. And he got into a fight with one last week," said Dr. Hammond.

Election fatigue, again.

Politics.

The study of politics is a very important subject, that has unfortunately been smeared by hypocrites who paint themselves as angels and in truth are demons.  

People cringe when they hear the word, and often absolve themselves from conversations touching on anything even remotely related to their perception of what it is. However, politics are a part of our day to day life, our conversations, relations, and all interactions. There are the politics of the family, the politics of our immediate social circles, the politics of our home towns, the politics of our states and nations, and international politics. But what fatigues us is not its study, but rather the corruptive nature of competitive "balance of power" politics.

Most people at this point in the presidential election are fatigued. They are fatigued by the attempts of both candidates to paint the other in a negative light, using flimsy arguments and half-truths. Both are equally guilty. In commercials aired by both candidates, allegations have been made that cannot be completely dismissed, but cannot be completely denied. And, unfortunately, this is why they continue to distort facts. If they both can claim transparency, and be nothing but opaque, why should they stop, if it will win them the election? 

People in general do not want to do a lot of research by themselves to determine which candidate most closely adheres to their personal beliefs. They want it easy. They expect that campaign commercials, CNN and Fox will fill them in enough. Well, good luck with that. Here's a link provided to me by a commenter on my previous post that debunks and rates the truthfulness of different campaign smears from both candidates. Whether it helps or not I do not know, but I hope so.

I do not believe in the library.

That's right. I do not believe in the library. I don't care how many times you clap your hands to bring it back to life...it is dead to me. Everyone at BYU has this special love affair with this building chock-full of old dusty volumes and over-sized potted plants. But for me, I am better off at home. I know, I know...studying is so much easier at the library because it is quiet and every resource you could ever want is at your fingertips...but to me it is an austere, cold, callused voluminous beast that swallows peoples' souls. I, of course probably have an advantage. My room mates are hardly ever at home when I need to write big papers or study, so I don't have a whole lot of distractions. That, and I don't mind being distracted, and actually find that I am happier and do better work when I have people to talk to that I know, comfortable couches to sit on, and access to Red Sox games, ESPN and my enormous front window. I feel at home, because, well, I'm at home. Now, I'm not saying that studying at home is the best strategy for everyone, but if you can, do it.