Bill's Story: Chapter 3

When I went to get the paper this morning I saw my neighbor Ted. Typical right? Except he was squatting and hunched over something by my garbage cans. When I yelled "Hello Ted", as is my custom, he glared at me and made a hissing noise. I think he's probably a zombie. He was either eating a rotten bag of potatoes or a small child. I don't know how any of that got in my garbage. I take solace in the fact that at least he's not a raccoon. My dog Trevor got bitten by a couple raccoons last week. Doctors told me he has rabies. I know better. Trevor is now a raccoon zombie. I'm pretty sure both he and my neighbor are plotting to eat me. And then steal my flat screen TV.

Beware the Wrath of TJ

You know it. I know it. They know it. But who are "they"? And why do they know it? That's not important. We must face the facts. Two dollar bills aren't really that cool.

Yeah sure, they serve as currency when you're stupid/smart enough to forget that they're collectibles and can possibly get you two things out of the vending machine at the same time, but they have the least flattering portrait ever made of Thomas Jefferson on the front. Couple that with the wrenching guilt you feel whenever you run out of cash and are left with only a two dollar bill, and want to spend it, but at the same time know you will be the laughing stock of the town for years to come if you do. It's a lose lose. If you don't spend the bill, TJ wins. He's laughing at you with that smug little "I hate sitting for portraits" grin. If you do spend it, you also fail - at life.

The only way to avoid being in the clutches of an annoying paper icon that really isn't worth much, but that for some reason you think is worth something, is to run whenever you see a two dollar bill. Run faster than Usain Bolt and that guy from the movie who could run faster than a cheetah. Two dollar bills are a plague. You don't want the plague. I don't want the plague...and they certainly don't want the plague. So do us a favor. Don't touch two dollar bills. It's healthier to sniff glue or rub yourself down with pigeons. Just saying.

The Christmas balance: Stressing out with exams vs. Enjoying the Holidays

With each final I finish, a new weight seems to lift off my shoulders. I am not slouching as much, and I am starting to realize that I'm taller than I thought. 

For students all around the world December is a bittersweet month. On the one hand Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years and all of those holidays tend to brighten our spirits, and move our thoughts from our troubles. However, on the other hand we have finals, papers, and the culmination of a semester's worth of studies to deal with. So while we smile at the thought of going home for the holidays, enjoying the food, time off, and warmth and love from our families and close friends, we also cringe and stress out about exams.

Well, I have no quick fix. If you forget about the exams and embrace the holidays your scores will suffer and you'll probably screw yourself over for the future. If you forget about the holidays and just concentrate on the exams you'll probably go insane and end up eating your hand or falling into a trance while staring at your computer screen. So I recommend a balance. Everyone's is different. Just remember, "stressed" is just "desserts" spelled backwards.

Just don't eat your hands.

Now Hiring: Somalian Pirates to write my blog

I know, I know. I was a little slow on the draw today. I'm posting this and it's almost 7pm. Well, I have a good excuse. I was writing a paper all day. And, I have another 3 to go before the week is out. The good news is that the big ones are pretty much out of the way. 

In other news, I thought it was funny that Al Gore is being sued by the man who founded the weather channel. He's got a great voice (the weather channel guy, not Al Gore). Here's the link.

I'm going to apologize in advance for any extremely brief and/or unentertaining blog posts in the coming week. The planets are aligning, Space invaders are en route, France is taking over England, Dogs and Cats living together....MASS HYSTERIA! That and it's the last week before finals, and the week in which all of my papers are due.

I might hire a group of illegal immigrants or Somalian pirates to write my blog. 

I am Victorious.

VICTORY! Well, for now at least. Here's the breakdown of my day.

7:00am - Woke up

7:30am - Woke up

8:00am - Woke up (for real)

8:02am - Wanted to take a shower but couldn't, someone was in there

8:05am - Dressed and finished French shower (smelling like roses, but still being as filthy as the Seine River)

8:06-8:45am - Intermittent reading for 9 o'clock class, as well as reading of todays news and eating random stuff and halloween candy

8:45am - Walked to class

9:00am - Got to class just as the bell rang

9:00am-9:50am - Tried to stay awake in class. Started off great for the first 10 minutes (Being close to the front didn't help)

10:00isham - Got home with intention to nap until noon, but got distracted by life

10:45am-12:05pm - Sort of napped, yelled at a showering brother listening to Phish, put on headphones and listened to ambient sounds and the ocean.

12:06pm - Ate some ham, cheese and spinach tortilla sandwiches. Washed them down with milk

12:35pm - nowish - Wrote a ridiculously long paper for a class midterm with interruptions (friends, emails, facebook, this blog, etc.)

Current Time: 5:48pm - VICTORY. Well, for now.

Homework left to do: Shoot myself.

Papers, Papers, Everywhere!

I've been writing too much lately. But, it's really not going to stop any time soon. I've written a big chunky delicious paper each of the past two days (and I should have written two yesterday, but I didn't) and I have another paper twice as big to write for Thursday. I'm a bit light-headed from staring at my computer screen, not getting decent sleep, and some weird bug that's going around.

But who cares! I already wrote a post about how inebriation has helped some artists create better art. So maybe the same goes for me....I lkmef rn.kv krn.kv....pokpwd?.........l;;;;;;;;ytffffffffffffffffffgtrdcrttttttttdxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Ok. Perhaps not.

And who drooled on my keyboard?

Recycle, reuse...and eat napkins

There are many things we are doing these days as a society to reuse, recycle, and whatever that other 'r' is. And each day a new method comes out. Today is one of those days. I know some of you like skim milk because it has significantly reduced fat content. I know some of you only buy organic yogurts and vegetables. I know some of you only eat lentils. Well, on another eco trend, the new substitute for butter is....yellow paper.

Don't laugh. It's true. There is now a very affordable brand of paper with a distinctly yellow shade that fits ever so nicely on your bread rolls and baked potatoes. But, that's not all. In another effort to provide people with opportunities, another useful substitution for wonder bread is...napkins. Believe it or not, but they both have the same nutritional value. And, napkins can also be substituted for iceberg lettuce in salads. Isn't that great?! We have so much to look forward to! So many options. I can't wait to sit down at the table and put a couple slices of bread in my lap and eat my napkin sandwich.

Good bye Semester!

Relief. Euphoria. Exhaustion. Gladness. A bittersweet farewell. Well, mostly sweet. These are a few of my favorite things at the end of a semester. Just a few short hours ago I finished a paper. The paper was not all that well-written mind you, but I got it done. That's what matters. That, and there are no more papers until next fall. But, while I live in peace for this moment, finals looms on the horizon like those deep purple and black storm clouds that stroll in uninvited on a beautifully sunny spring day. I think some of you, if not all might be able to relate. But, why must it be so bittersweet? I mean I should be able to clap my hands together and sing Hallelujah and do back flips (I'm working on the back flips...maybe for graduation, if that ever happens). The semester is done! Shout from the bell tower! Run around Notre Dame with Quasimodo! Victory!

Ah, but then we miss our new friends, our old friends, and perhaps on occasion, even a teacher (cough). We miss the monotony of hours of class and going in and out of consciousness in class, or checking facebook during an important lecture. We miss the soothing ring of that bell when we get into class just in the nick of time. We miss those people in the front row who always know the answer and contribute such wonderfully pertinent things to class like their trip to Maui last winter and how much their cat barfed the night before. We miss it all. Oh the memories. Let us revel. Thank you for letting my parents spent thousands of dollars on this wonderfully life-altering and mind-numbing education. I am so looking forward to Grad school.