Punching Frozen Meat, a Decent Past Time

It was glorified in the Rocky movies. It never became much of a trend. But now it's on the the rebound. You guessed it, punching frozen meat. While initially the idea of smashing your fist against a rock hard side of beef isn't all that appealing, it turns out it has amazing psychological benefits. Dr. Kroger of Smith's Academy in Plympton, Massachusetts had this to say:

"Many of my patients suffer from anxiety, stress, and bouts of depression. I used to prescribe medication and talk therapy, but last weekend I was watching Rocky, and I stumbled upon a new idea. Instead of trying to alter their dopamine levels with drugs, I could let them regenerate themselves through violence. When I saw Rocky punching that meat I thought, 'Perfect, this is a match made in heaven.'"

Although Kroger's new treatment is highly experimental, it has already been hailed by some as a miracle cure. One of his more serious cases, involving a patient who asked not to be named, praised Kroger's meat punching tactics saying, 

"I used to have horrible daydreams of pink elephants sitting on my head. They would do it for hours and I could only flail my legs and arms in anguish, but now I pretend that the frozen meat is the pink elephant. I can see his cheeky little smile, but he can't sit on me now. Sure, I've broken a few bones in my hand, but hey, no more elephants are sitting on my head."

Stories like this are not uncommon. Apparently punching frozen meat allows the stressed patient to release in a way that in the past was thought only possible with chemical alteration. It has brought a new hope to many.

Dr. Al Murphy, of Sarasota Springs, Florida, had this to say:

"I have tried to find the perfect substrate for my patients to punch out their anger and stress for years now, but I've never been quite satisfied. Pillows didn't give back enough. Concrete gave back to much. Abusing small rodents never felt right. But punching frozen meat, it's like a revelation. I've prescribed punching frozen meat to almost half of my clientele. 

Whether or not the treatment will remain effective for long periods of time is hard to say, but for right now, there's a new hope. You may want to buy your frozen meat to punch before the big rush. Prices are still reasonable with the economic funk the US is in, but as the crisis deepens, demand promises to be higher.

The Christmas balance: Stressing out with exams vs. Enjoying the Holidays

With each final I finish, a new weight seems to lift off my shoulders. I am not slouching as much, and I am starting to realize that I'm taller than I thought. 

For students all around the world December is a bittersweet month. On the one hand Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years and all of those holidays tend to brighten our spirits, and move our thoughts from our troubles. However, on the other hand we have finals, papers, and the culmination of a semester's worth of studies to deal with. So while we smile at the thought of going home for the holidays, enjoying the food, time off, and warmth and love from our families and close friends, we also cringe and stress out about exams.

Well, I have no quick fix. If you forget about the exams and embrace the holidays your scores will suffer and you'll probably screw yourself over for the future. If you forget about the holidays and just concentrate on the exams you'll probably go insane and end up eating your hand or falling into a trance while staring at your computer screen. So I recommend a balance. Everyone's is different. Just remember, "stressed" is just "desserts" spelled backwards.

Just don't eat your hands.

Stop the melodrama!

Melodrama. Ideally, given how it sounds, it should be a moderate or 'mellow' type of drama. Of course even more ideally, it would be nice if there was no drama at all. But alas, melodrama disappoints. Again. And again.

In my family, I am proud to announce that we are very good at melodrama. Molehills become mountains, mice become elephants, and a stain on a shirt becomes a ruined life (there is oxiclean).

Generally, most of us in my family are pretty chill. I would even say 'mellow'. And some of our coping strategies, like mine are: "I'm not dead, I'm moderately healthy, I have friends and family, and I'm doing the best I can right now with what I've got." Then there are other strategies like this one: "I need everything in my life to run like clockwork; because I have absolutely perfectionist standards nothing ever goes right and I will take my self-induced stress out on everyone." It is very difficult to choose which is more healthy. I prefer the latter. Why? Because I can compare it to my life and breathe easy. 

I don't like to see people stressed out, and I don't like to see people suffer (especially close family), but it is nice to see that I have developed successful life-coping skills. Armageddon is not upon us because we are 6 minutes late to lunch, or if we get stuck in traffic. Life happens (while we are making other plans). Now, that does not mean we all should be lazy and unproductive, but it means we need to have balance. When some load of crap gets piled on our plate, instead of whining about it, pouting, and throwing a hissy fit, we can grin resourcefully and dump it on our garden, using it as fertilizer. As cliche as it sounds, when life gives you lemons, squeeze them in the eyes of someone who is stressing out for no reason, and laugh at them. Then maybe you'll start a fight with them - win or lose - they will probably forget about what was stressing them out in the first place.

I do not believe in the library.

That's right. I do not believe in the library. I don't care how many times you clap your hands to bring it back to life...it is dead to me. Everyone at BYU has this special love affair with this building chock-full of old dusty volumes and over-sized potted plants. But for me, I am better off at home. I know, I know...studying is so much easier at the library because it is quiet and every resource you could ever want is at your fingertips...but to me it is an austere, cold, callused voluminous beast that swallows peoples' souls. I, of course probably have an advantage. My room mates are hardly ever at home when I need to write big papers or study, so I don't have a whole lot of distractions. That, and I don't mind being distracted, and actually find that I am happier and do better work when I have people to talk to that I know, comfortable couches to sit on, and access to Red Sox games, ESPN and my enormous front window. I feel at home, because, well, I'm at home. Now, I'm not saying that studying at home is the best strategy for everyone, but if you can, do it.

Stress

Stress. The beautiful word, so maligned and so absurd, raises our blood pressure and pumps adrenaline. It can make us panic, and even make us manic whacks.

Stress. Believe it or not can be necessary and even therapeutic. Without it, people would be apathetic and would have no drive to complete all the necessary tasks at work, at home or elsewhere.

Stress. It is present in everyone's life, whether they admit it or not. Now, just because it exists, doesn't mean you need to let it get to you. You can always maintain a calm front, but don't tell me you're never stressed.

Stress. It is the friend of vacation planners, and relatives you never see, as it plagues you until you take that break.

Stress. The word rhymes with mess, less, chess, dress, confess, caress, bless, and redress.

Stress. Makes your heart beat faster, makes you nervous, not unlike someone you have a crush on. Maybe you have a crush on stress.