Engaged people and ridiculous pronouncements

Having been through the whole "engaged thing," and having heard advice from every qualified individual I know, as well as being in a marriage prep class at school, I find it interesting how newly engaged couples (and particularly the girl) will say things like, "I've met the perfect man." Or, "How lucky I am to be married to a guy who's perfect in every way." Or something to that effect. They put those kind of phrases in their facebook statuses, paint them on their car windows, or gloat about it to their friends.

What ever happened to that very appropriate phrase that goes something like this: Before marriage keep your eyes wide open, and after marriage keep them half shut? Honestly, that euphoric puppy dog love phase can dupe you if you're not careful. You shouldn't just fall in love with your heart, and your eyes, or even just your soul. You need to fall in love with your brain too. If you think your partner is perfect already, you're probably drinking too much nyquil, or have only been in abusive relationships.

Perhaps you have met a great guy or gal. But they have faults. And, they may seem easy to overcome now because you aren't really together. You're just dating. There's no civil mandate that joins you. But, I guarantee that even the simplest of things can and will become big issues if you don't address them now. So just remember that self-induced delirium doesn't produce the best matches. Use your brain. And open your eyes. And, after that, God Bless.

Facebook, girls, and my friend "Phil"

Well, I have a whole list of topics to write about for the next few days, but when I showed the list to my brother he said, "Meh." 

So I asked what I should write about. He said, "Girls." With no further elaboration, I really didn't see myself writing anything worthwhile today.

However, I will make this as interesting as possible. Let's start off with a hypothetical situation in which a "friend of mine" might find himself currently. Let's call him Phil. 

So Phil is interested in this girl. He's only spoken to her on one occasion, and has only seen her in passing since then. Phil is an avid baseball fan and decided to watch a certain game on Sunday night instead of going to a function that would have helped him see this girl again. Thinking that perhaps another week would go by without him having an opportunity to get her number, he did something he finds quite tacky. Phil and this girl are friends on facebook. So, he writes her a note to the effect that he wanted to talk to her, watched baseball instead of going to the function, wanted her number, knew he could get it through other means, but wanted to get it from her (even if it were through facebook, which is regrettably lame). 

He sent the message Sunday evening. It is now tuesday. He has no desire to do a follow-up without a response, but still sees her from time to time in passing. 

What should he do?

Here are my thoughts. First off Phil, you're an idiot. You shouldn't have told her that you saw the game instead of going to the function. But even before that, if you know where she lives you should have gone over to her house and asked her out, used that as a pretext to get her number and voila! But, seeing that we can't do anything about what is past, you will have to a) wait for her response and if you don't get one, just pretend it never happened, or just say someone took over your facebook account or b) talk to her the next time you see her and ask her for her number (but don't bring up the facebook thing. If she does, just pretend that you don't know what she's talking about). If it works out, you got lucky. If not, well, my first comment stands.

PS - Enjoy this picture:

Jump Roper or Rope Jumper?

This is fundamental question that will determine the rest of your life:

Are you are rope jumper or a jump roper?

While some may think it purely a semantic difference, I beg to differ. On the one side, you are jumping the rope without controlling the rope, and on the other you are jumping and controlling the rope. 

A jump roper is completely independent. He swings his rope and knows exactly when to jump. He lives in his own bubble, or rope loop (which ever you prefer more). A rope jumper jumps the rope, but does not control the speed or arc of the loop. He is left to the whim of the the person controlling the rope, or the roper. But, the roper is also controlled by the rope jumper. If there is no rope jumper he has no purpose. And, the rope jumper can opt not to jump if the roper goes to fast or is inconsistent. So perhaps the rope jumper has more power than it seems.

And, for the record, this is all literal. There is not an ounce of analogy that can be taken out of this. We are controlled by schoolyard games. Jump rope is their king. It governs our life. You can either embrace it, or it will embrace you (and the kind of embrace will be a deadly bear hug). Hahahha (read as if it were a maniacal laugh)

The Gym (and the fakers)

Picture taken from this blog

The gym is a great place to go to get in shape.  It is however, not the only place, and I think some people will never figure that out.  I go to the gym 3-5 times a week to lift weights and occasionally use the cardio machines.  I always go with my buddy Todd, unless he makes an excuse and runs out on me (which unfortunately happens a lot). But we generally have a good time.  We have set routines, jokes, and it is a very worthwhile workout.

But the things we've seen there are pretty funny. You can pick out the pretenders. When a kid shows up with his friend with socks up to his knees, about as bony as a skeleton, and proceeds to the largest dumbbells on the bench, I can't help but chuckle. And then there are the pretty boys. They show up with their designer shorts and t-shirts, roll up the sleeves and just stare at their arms as they do curls. The narcissism is very entertaining to watch. The real gym goers stick with scrubby clothes, and beat the sh*t out of their bodies with the weights. That is Todd and my game. And, a gym visit of course wouldn't be complete without some ridiculously inappropriate comment about sweat, someone's mom, or homosexuality.

Some of the most memorable moments about the gym generally involve breaking something. My brother and Todd have both smashed their cell phones with me.  My brother did it when he put his cell phone next to the bench, did a couple sets, then dropped the weights.  The weights then bounced onto his phone, rendering the screen inoperable.  The funny part was, he talked about it before he did it, and tried to put his phone far enough away from the blast zone. The problem was that we were doing incline, so the weights bounced more than if we had been doing reps with a flat bench. Todd crushed his phone when we were throwing boulders in my front yard for a St. Patrick's Day party.  And, one time when Todd and I were at the gym we saw a kid slam down the dumbbells from an incline bench and shatter the mirror in front of him. I'm glad I've been around to share these retarded moments.

But getting back to pretenders.  My advice is to either learn how to work out right, or go running or play tennis.  The gym is for real deal workouts.