Greatest Invention Since the Watering Can!

Throughout the history of mankind there have been great inventions. Man is an innovative, enterprising, clever being. Yet, man has made many silly inventions. Chin rests so you can sleep standing up, glasses with funnels for putting in eye drops, fake breasts for men who also want to nurse their kids, chopsticks with a built in fan to cool your noodles all come to mind.

Great for those long metro rides.

Because I'm too stupid to put them in my eyes directly and I like to waste money on bad eyewear.

He's a natural.

Then the fan fell into her soup spewing the scalding noodles all over her face.

However, as it turns out, today man has made a real breakthrough. Miraclegro in conjunction with Scott's Lawn products and world renowned geneticists are heralding the latest and greatest invention in landscaping since the watering can. Yes, they have invented self-trimming hedges.

These hedges come in all shapes and sizes, and will trim themselves according to your command. They're great for any special event, or just for fun.

Some are concerned that it will take work away from professional landscapers, and will ruin an art form that so many people in Disney World and Country Clubs have cultivated for years. But most are excited. Like me. Trimming the hedges is not that fun. Now they can trim themselves. However, I worry that they might start trimming other things. Like my cat. Little Shop of Horrors comes to mind.

Writing with My Left Hand

Well, it's true. As promised, I am typing this entire post with only my left hand. I suppose it just makes it more interesting (read 'more of a hassle') for me to do it, and really makes no difference to you, given that there is no noticeable difference to you the reader. However, the probability of anyone caring that I do this is low. But then again, the probability that I care about that probability is zero. That is why I generally don't listen to anything said by a person speaking to me who says, "The probability of...happening is..." because I just don't care.

Here are some pictures:

I will karate chop you!

Silly hat, dogs are for kids.

Of course, the bathroom design hat! Why didn't I think of that?

That's how we do it Mr. Cleese.

This rabbit is Scottish.

Ha. So true.

Japanese Tetris

Hopefully not too many of you are stressing out about tax day tomorrow. If you are, I have something that will make you smile. You may have seen it before, but seeing it again has the same effect. I am, without further ado, going to culturally enlighten you with perhaps the funniest Japanese game show ever contrived. Forget about Samurais, Ninjas, rice paddies, sushi, or the emperor. THIS is what Japanese culture is all about:


And because one clip is never enough:

A Day in Pictures

So today I'm not writing a blog post. I'm painting a strange mosaic with unrelated and ridiculous pictures. Some are funny, some are just sick. Enjoy.

This walrus is ashamed. Clearly he's overweight.

My only friend.

This makes more sense than you know.

A good friend of mine

I never saw it coming. Came out of nowhere.

G.I. Joe!

I did.

Oh Silly Hans, you're so silly. 

This is what the Yankees do to people

Sick.

He's an erudite ape.

Drunken pony rider

Drunken bulldog who happens to wear Calvin Klein

Bizarre.

This is how to walk a dog. Not lazy at all.

This is definitely not lazy.

Normal.

Augh!

What a handsome face

A real man's man.

HA.

Reminds me of a buddy of mine.

George Clinton, your hair is awesome. And, your awesome is hair.

Delicious.

If you don't get this watch Dune. This is friggin' hilarious.

I hope my children make podcasts.

Aww. Corn dogs are so cute.

He's having so much fun.

Freckled People Enlist Animal Help to in Takeover Bid

As you know from a previous post, freckled people are taking over the world.

The freckled people have now enlisted the help of several ingenious animals and people on their quest to take over the world. Here are some of them: