Greatest Invention Since the Watering Can!

Throughout the history of mankind there have been great inventions. Man is an innovative, enterprising, clever being. Yet, man has made many silly inventions. Chin rests so you can sleep standing up, glasses with funnels for putting in eye drops, fake breasts for men who also want to nurse their kids, chopsticks with a built in fan to cool your noodles all come to mind.

Great for those long metro rides.

Because I'm too stupid to put them in my eyes directly and I like to waste money on bad eyewear.

He's a natural.

Then the fan fell into her soup spewing the scalding noodles all over her face.

However, as it turns out, today man has made a real breakthrough. Miraclegro in conjunction with Scott's Lawn products and world renowned geneticists are heralding the latest and greatest invention in landscaping since the watering can. Yes, they have invented self-trimming hedges.

These hedges come in all shapes and sizes, and will trim themselves according to your command. They're great for any special event, or just for fun.

Some are concerned that it will take work away from professional landscapers, and will ruin an art form that so many people in Disney World and Country Clubs have cultivated for years. But most are excited. Like me. Trimming the hedges is not that fun. Now they can trim themselves. However, I worry that they might start trimming other things. Like my cat. Little Shop of Horrors comes to mind.

Humor My Rant

I am really angry. I don't know who to be angry with. I guess I am just mad and all general directions. If you are still reading, here is the story. . . .

The day that Jeff lost his job, we got a letter from the high school band letting us know about the spring trip. The temporary itinerary included things like Disney World, Wet and Wild theme park and The Blue Man Group. Four fun filled days in the sun of Florida for my 16 year old and his band geek friends. Jeff and I were both in the band and we know how awesome the spring trips can be. I went to Florida, Myrtle Beach, Montreal, and Atlanta each year of my high school experience. I LOVED the spring trips. So of course I wanted my son to have the same rights of passage that I enjoyed in my youth. However, the cost of the trip was about $500 for the parents to pony up. I told Sam that we would commit to the trip but that he would have to work to defray some of the cost. The boy has done NOTHING. AND I found out this week that because he didn't participate in the citrus fundraiser, there was a buy out cost of an additional $160.00. So on top of the $400 that I have already paid, I got a notice that the trip has increased in cost and I owe an additional $465 by the beginning of next month.

Who should I be mad at? Well, I am mad at myself for not putting the screws to my son. I did make him apply for 2 jobs which he never followed up on. I am mad at my son for having seemingly no ambition. I am mad at the band for making such an expensive band trip and then forcing families to participate in the fundraisers or have a $160 buy out fee. Now, I don't know what to do. I guess I'll be mad for a bit. If you have any suggestions on how best to use this opportunity to teach my son a lesson about responsibility, let me know.

Good Vibrations

I'm picking up good vibrations. 

There is a weird vibration from time to time that surges through my house. It shakes the floor, the windows, and consequently me and the furniture. And, of course it can only be one thing:

Someone is tunneling under my house. And, that someone is probably a spy. Just like the British and Americans did in Berlin under the wall to listen to the Russians in East Germany, someone is listening to me. And, aside from being worried, I'm actually quite flattered. 

I think that I should pretend that I don't know the spy is there. What I will do is make delicious pastries, roast beef, throw parties, and tempt the spy to come out of hiding. I'll make references to free extra passes to Disney World, extra sky miles to that I can't use to go to Australia because I'm busy, and a new dodge viper I won that I'm going to give to a charity as a tax deduction. If the spy is sane, he or she won't be able to resist.