A Day in Pictures

So today I'm not writing a blog post. I'm painting a strange mosaic with unrelated and ridiculous pictures. Some are funny, some are just sick. Enjoy.

This walrus is ashamed. Clearly he's overweight.

My only friend.

This makes more sense than you know.

A good friend of mine

I never saw it coming. Came out of nowhere.

G.I. Joe!

I did.

Oh Silly Hans, you're so silly. 

This is what the Yankees do to people

Sick.

He's an erudite ape.

Drunken pony rider

Drunken bulldog who happens to wear Calvin Klein

Bizarre.

This is how to walk a dog. Not lazy at all.

This is definitely not lazy.

Normal.

Augh!

What a handsome face

A real man's man.

HA.

Reminds me of a buddy of mine.

George Clinton, your hair is awesome. And, your awesome is hair.

Delicious.

If you don't get this watch Dune. This is friggin' hilarious.

I hope my children make podcasts.

Aww. Corn dogs are so cute.

He's having so much fun.

Notice my haircut! Vanity.

When I get a haircut, I don't really do it for myself. If I can still see, it's good enough. But, - and this came as a surprise to me as well as it might to you - other people care. They like it when I'm neat and preened and looking like a super metro or some guy out of the fifties (like Dennis the Menace or Leave it to Beaver). And I'm not going to disappoint. I like being whipped around like a Hebrew slave. It keeps me in shape, hauling all those sandstone blocks with a perfectly styled coiffeur. I have to maintain balance, and constantly check my hair in bathroom mirrors and car windows. I do it for the people. I'm not vain. I just give the people what they want. They want a slick doo. Well I can deal with that.

I used to only do it for weddings, graduations and church, but now I see I can cow tow to the pressure of the masses and have my fo-hawk or messed up look and become a savior to the people. I mean, let's be honest, people are mostly ugly. And, if I can make this world a more attractive place by getting a haircut and styling my hair like a Hollister model, then I'm gonna do it. I'm in it for the ugly people. Like Roseanne, Rosie O'Donnell, Danny DeVito, Joe Pesci and maybe a friend or relative of yours. I'm that altruistic. I'm in it for the little guy. I'm in it for the bald guy. I'm in it for people with nappy hair. I'm in it for you.

I Love Big Hair

One of the joys of life that is simple and yet wonderful, but often overlooked for "more important things" is BIG hair. I know you're probably all thinking Afro puffs and dreadlocks or even Goldilocks. Well, I'm being more general. More basic. More obvious. I love big hair.



I know many of you women have discovered, after cutting all your hair off, that you are no longer referred to as "hot" or "beautiful" but rather as "cute." And in my mind...rightly so. The only ladies that can pull off the no-to little hair look are cancer patients and Halle Berry. For the rest of you, keep your beautiful cascading locks of loveliness. If it's too much for you to handle, and you wish you had been born a boy, so you wouldn't have to be the object of ridicule or the Goddess of Pantene Pro-V or Herbal Essence shampoo, tough luck.



Flowing locks though, do not have to be just for women however. Remember Duncan McLeod? The Scottish Highlanders are famous for their big hair. And guess, what?! I am one. So I am allowed, and should even be encouraged to grow my coiffeur even longer. That being said, let us remember Fabio. I can't believe it's not butter, and I can't believe you still haven't cut your hair after all of these years. Remember how he was riding a roller coaster at an amusement park and got hit in the face by a goose? That was a great story. But his hair saved him. It always did. It took the attention away from his squashed face and put it on his gorgeously conditioned golden locks.



You might ask yourself, what brought this post on? Well, yesterday I was transfixed when I saw a big haired Goddess walking down the street. I felt it only right to pay tribute.