IBM is not Smarter.

The IBM "smarter" commercials are ironically stupid. Why? Because I have never (to this point in my life anyway) met a smart energy grid, traffic light, toll system, tree, rock, or otherwise inanimate object. Yet somehow, IBM's magicians can make things with no sentient ability not just sentient, but smart.

But, I suppose that wouldn't be too hard to fathom from a magician (who used to make computers and is probably allergic to rabbits), except that they claim to make these inanimate things more than just smart, but smarter. Smarter grocery stores? Trains? Classrooms? Shipment? Smarter than what? When the one guy says "smarter water", it makes me want to buy some. Seriously. I would love water to think and be smarter. It doesn't need to be smarter than me, but smarter in general would be fine. Oh wait...there is already smart water. Sorry IBM. You missed the boat on that one.

And smarter medical records? I dunno man. I don't think that would be good. Imagine the mayhem. Not only do they have your health information on them, but they tell jokes about your health problems with witty sarcasm and sass. Or, they mess with you by showing your weight as 140 one day, then 210 the next. Or, maybe they grow legs, become "super-genius-schizophrenic-smart" and start to jump out of windows and burn themselves. Then what good are they?

What I would prefer is a smarter IBM. Or perhaps, a smarter IBM marketing strategy. Like maybe just saying: "Look man, we're IBM. We do stuff" or "IBM, the people that used to make computers, but now do mostly consultant work" or "The best part of waking up is IBM". All "smarter" alternatives that get the message across and are attractively self-depricating. That's a company I can get behind (and kick).

That Swedish lady freaks me out every time.

Good times

So I did an image search for 'good times' and here is what I got:

He's definitely having a good time. I can't say the same for the horse.

Perhaps they had some good times before this. Or maybe this is 'good times' in comparison to the rest of their lives.

Jimmy Walker always has a good time. I mean, his finger is a stick of dynamite, and there's not much better than that.

I think this is pretty accurate.

Such good times.

Good times the TV show!

Good times mean different things for different people. Different strokes.

George Clooney always has a good time.

BINGO! Oh the good times.

"I'm a weird pedo-sausage freak" good times.

Of course. A rusty old truck. What could be better times?

Magical good times.

Sick pimp mobile good times.

Multiple Santas are always a good time.

Nap Time!

Nap time is a magical time. It's a a healthy blast to that age of teething, oral phases, blocks, fire trucks, high chairs, bouncy door harnesses, and a time when the most pressing item on the agenda was pulling the dog's tail or eating lint.

Well, naps have not lost their importance in my life, even as my life has become more complicated (I now don't own a dog, and have substituted lint for pens). I am bad about getting to bed at a regular time, and even if I do, sleep is an uneven proposition that doesn't always come when I want. So, the only way to make up the lost hours, days, or even years is to count sheep on my couch at some point during the day. 

And that's what I'm going to do after I write this (After I finish finger painting and dipping my graham crackers in milk).

How does he do it?

Oh no. I've actually run out of things to write about. This is the end!!! No more happy thoughts. Lost, Lost, Lost...

I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, and the hard place is another rock. Below me is a bottomless chasm of nothingness. I can't hang on much longer...

And look at that, I managed to squeeze out a couple sentences about not being able to come up with anything to write. I'm amazing. No, really.

I have talked to a couple friends of mine (some more friends than others), and they ask me from time to time, "I read your blog and I love it. How do you keep it fresh? Where do you come up with that stuff?"

Quick answer: Magic.
Real answer: Satanic rituals.
Another answer: Mexican jumping beans.
Bonus answer: I don't actually write my blog, it writes me.

So there you have it.