You're squeamish. Squeamer.

Urine. Bladder. Buttocks. Infection. Flow. Blood.

That wasn't so bad now was it? Urine is liquid gold. Your bladder may be small, but at least most of us have one. Are your buttocks too big, too small, or sweaty? We've all been there. How about infections?! They're so nice when they're over.

A lot of people I know are squeamish about these things. But being squeamish is not like being Amish. You can't claim it as a religion. All I can say is, "You're not alone, but get over it, and don't use that as an excuse." You shouldn't be afraid of talking about such things, or other sex related, and bodily related functions. That's life.

I'm not suggesting that talking about your urinary tract infection is the best wedding reception dinner conversation, but it shouldn't be something that makes you blush with the right crowd. And, I would suggest that that crowd is bigger than you think. People like to be helpful. Just watch me - Here's a sure way to urinary tract, menstrual, and even mental health: cranberry juice. It's like the miracle fruit. Loaded with anti-oxidant, free-radical blasting power, those tart little berries from the northern hinterland can pack the right punch in so many ways.

So, if you want to talk about your unmentionable problems, I have no problem with that. You should be tactful, but you shouldn't be embarrassed.

Omnibus Post: Touching it all

This week has been a blog post explosion. This will be my seventh. And, I'm going to address a number of issues. First, I have ads on this site. You might have noticed that. Feel free to click on them if you're interested. Window shopping doesn't cost a thing. I promise. I know not all of you out there are interested in mormon dating, lingerie, dog food or Barack Obama t-shirts, but maybe you'll find something that strikes your fancy. Maybe a site where Obama is eating dog food in one of his own t-shirts, on a date with a mormon while wearing lingerie. Weirder things have happened.

Second, I want to say that manly men still do exist, although they are scarce. And, you do not have to move to Montana or Texas to find one. Massachusetts is chock-full of them, as is Virginia, West Virginia, New York and any other place in New England. You've got a great history there. That's right, the men from those states defeated the British, the greatest empire since Rome. What did Texas have to beat? A bunch of straggly Mexicans. Not so impressive. Another reason the east and New England is better than either of the aforementioned states is because of our proximity to the ocean and the fact that we know how to live in it. The ocean makes up 2/3 of the globe, and Texans and Montana residents are land-lubbers.

Third, I do not have a great affinity for Cleveland right now. I am watching the Celtics vs. Cavaliers and we are down by 11. I effing hate Lebron, Varejao and all of their spot up jumping a-holes. It's our home court. We better eff 'em up good. As I have been typing we just cut it down to 6. Yeah B. There is no excuse for a loss. I want to crush those midwesterners and their aspirations to climb out of the mediocrity bowl. Garnett needs to step up.

Fourth, Ikea furniture is a joke. Engineered in Sweden, made in China. Cheap all around. People think it's cool. People also think McDonalds is cool. From time to time people are right, but Ikea and McDonalds lack class. Not that I'm the king of class, but when I break a cup or plate made by Ikea I don't really feel bad. And, I kinda want to do it again. I support America. I buy American when possible. To be honest, I'd rather support the Vietnamese than the Swedish. That's why I buy CK, Dockers, Kenneth Cole and Hilfiger.

Fifth, if you're gonna have a wedding make sure it's not just cake. I don't care if you have 10 different kinds of cake. I, as a poor college student, go to weddings for the food. And, if it has to be cake, there better be an attractive woman popping out of it. I need to be honest. I'm glad my friends are getting married, but I want to see a couple steaks, shrimp or at least deli sandwiches. I went to one recently that had nothing but sugar and fluff. Gag. I promise my wedding will have good food (if I ever get married).

Sixth, I'm sorry this sounds like a column of straight up bitching. That's not my intention. I just want to give you a piece of my mind. A hearty, healthy, Campbell's Soup, manly man from Boston who loves America piece. Eat up.

I want a dog.

I've thought about this for years now. It has been pent up inside of me for longer than I can remember (and it's not an admission about being anything other than straight). I want a dog. All my life I have been able to have pets. I've had lizards, fish, birds, crustaceans, anemones, turtles, frogs, toads, and insects. I've had them all. I used to catch them in the creek by my house in Virginia, or buy them and make elaborate zoo-like enclosures with all of my allowance and landscaping money. But you know what initially caused me to have all of these exotic pets? It was because my mom was allergic to dogs. Somehow however, she allowed us to have a cat even though she's allergic to them, but her claim was that a cat doesn't need as much socialization as a dog. Which, in part, is true. However, it was tough. I mean you just don't get the same thrill and fun time playing with a 4 1/2 foot Savannah Monitor lizard or a Russian tortoise. A dog is man's best friend and no reptile or fish will be able to replace him.

All that being said, I've been thinking more about the prospect of owning a dog now that I am getting close to graduating from college and moving out on my own. However, I am sort of on my own, 2,000 miles away from the family, so I've been thinking, "Why not now?" Well, it just so happens that my rental agreement doesn't permit me to have pets, and if that weren't enough, my room mate Kevin claims that he "hates dogs." How can you 'hate' dogs? How can you hate anything? To hate, you have to have loved or cared for that which you hate in some way, and felt betrayed. Somehow I think it's more shallow than that for my room mate. I think he just wants to hate dogs to piss me off. And guess what? It's working. But, on a more positive note, the agreement I signed with my landlord expired and I haven't signed a new one. I still have a rental agreement, but it does not have anything on it that says I can't have a pet. And, what's more, we've been baby-sitting a neighbor's beta for a while now. Beta's are so close to dogs.



I'm really considering it. I've always wanted a bulldog.




It would serve as a good foot rest, door mat and a calm companion inside the house. But then I also like the idea of an active dog that can catch frisbees, outrun me from time to time and that I can wrestle with. Bulldogs don't strike me as that kind of dog. So I think maybe I should get two dogs. The bulldog for my down time and work around the house (of course he can play outside too), and maybe an australian shepherd or blue heeler for my more intense outtings.



I don't know. Maybe two dogs is too much. Maybe I should stick with one. I just don't know. I've never had a dog, so the whole dog world is new to me. I do know that having two would give them more companionship when I have to travel, or go to work, but still, I just don't know. Thoughts?

Running to nowhere

For those of you who truly know me, or even for those who only know me superficially, you may be well aware that I absolutely love cardio. Yes. Running is soooo fun. I love it. And, for those of you who actually nodded your heads in agreement, Thou knowest me not. Running for the sake of running has never really inspired me to do it consistently or in any real way. However, if I were to find an attractive running partner I might be obliged to take up the practice. But, bear in mind that whoever asks me to run with them is basically saying: "Let's date. I am into you."


Not all cardio however, is pointless. One example is ultimate frisbee. It is a game that you can win. You can interact with friends. You can jump, run routes, high five, give 'good games' to people. Ah yes. Ultimate. But, following the same logic, soccer, baseball (to an extent), basketball, surfing, football and other games are meaningful and get that heart going in a good way. All of them involve running (yes even surfing-you can run to the edge of the water). So why then just run? Well some of you might say that you can 'just run' by yourself and it's harder to organize a game of anything. Excuses, excuses. Running sucks by itself. If someone wants to run with me, that's one thing, but by myself I'd rather eat sand or shuck corn. Part of it could be because I have a bum knee that aches for days after any sort of substantial long distance running. Nah.

Stress

Stress. The beautiful word, so maligned and so absurd, raises our blood pressure and pumps adrenaline. It can make us panic, and even make us manic whacks.

Stress. Believe it or not can be necessary and even therapeutic. Without it, people would be apathetic and would have no drive to complete all the necessary tasks at work, at home or elsewhere.

Stress. It is present in everyone's life, whether they admit it or not. Now, just because it exists, doesn't mean you need to let it get to you. You can always maintain a calm front, but don't tell me you're never stressed.

Stress. It is the friend of vacation planners, and relatives you never see, as it plagues you until you take that break.

Stress. The word rhymes with mess, less, chess, dress, confess, caress, bless, and redress.

Stress. Makes your heart beat faster, makes you nervous, not unlike someone you have a crush on. Maybe you have a crush on stress.