Strapped for cash: Using homemade barter currencies

Given the current economic climate, a lot of people are strapped for cash. More often than not, this poses a problem. However, it's not a problem for Mrs. Margaret Maylindropper of Altamonte Springs, Florida. For several months now she has been without cash, but has managed to stay afloat by paying everything from her bills and mortgage to her gasoline refills with meatballs.

"I make a zesty meatball. They are extra tender and juicy. No one can resist them. Some people want my meatballs more than cash. In fact, some of the neighborhood kids have set up lemonade stands and the girl scouts just wait outside my house with cookies in hopes that I'll buy some with a bag full of meatballs," said Mrs. Maylindropper.

Mrs. Maylindropper is not alone. Her other neighbor, who chose only to reveal himself as Fred, has also switched to a barter currency. Fred offers foot massages and pita bread. One foot massage is equal to two pita breads. Unfortunately, his pita bread isn't as desirable as his neighbor's meatballs. And, his gas company has claimed his foot massages aren't really that great.

"Look, I'm doing what I can. I can't please everyone all the time. My hands get sore. But hey, I think it's a better idea than what I was going to do. I was going to do face painting and body art," said Fred.

Many in the community are relieved that Fred chose pita and foot massages instead. Melanie McGruber had this to say, 

"Last Halloween he tried to paint me. He had a roller and a can of spray paint and asked what I wanted to be - either a mermaid or a fence. I just couldn't decide, so he made me into a merfence."

The resourcefulness of this community is suburban Florida is commendable. Perhaps the country could learn a thing or to from Mrs. Maylindropper's meatballs and Fred's pita. If you don't have money, don't sweat it, unless, you're using that sweat to make meatballs.

The Government Bails Me Out

Well, I'm sure you're all well aware that the government bailed out AIG with 85 billion dollars of worthless paper, then came back and made it $150 billion. Then, congress passed the $700 billion dollar TARP (Troubled Asset Relief Program) initiative to bail out almost any bank and lender with a good enough reason to stick its hand into Uncle Sam's pocket. Well, the government has just bailed out Citigroup with another $300 billion, and Obama has said he will pump in another $300 billion in another recovery plan when he takes office. That brings the tally (not including the other money appropriated directly by the treasury that didn't get as much press) to $1,450 billion. That's almost 1.5 trillion dollars. And, most people are saying that no end is in sight. When all is said and done the government of the US may have pumped in over 5 trillion dollars. 

But here's the kicker. The government has now decided to bail me out. I will get $70 billion. They say it's the largest bailout of a private citizen in our nation's history. 

The reason I deserve it is because if I don't get this bailout I will not be able to remain solvent. I personally backed over 40,000 mortgages in the US with my steely grin and chutzpah. But, in these uncertain times that's apparently just not good enough. Some who own my mortgages were going to default (Edna and George, Jay and Carla, Betty and Fred I'm referring to you in particular you pansies). 

In exchange for the money I've given the government a 30% stake in me. Good news? I still own myself. Mostly.

And you thought your money was worthless before this economic downturn. Ha. Quickly, start buying up gold coins! Or go on a quest like Super Mario, Sonic, or play Zelda.

Bailout=FAIL.

I got word just now that the bailout proposal has been rejected by congress. I am elated. Federal funds should stop going to bailout private firms. They failed. I did not cause their failure. Neither did millions of other Americans.

Congress is just trying to cover their own stupidity. Since 1992 democrats have been pushing mortgage lenders to make high risk loans to the poor. Well guess what?! In a pinch, they can't afford them, and many of them were paying next to nothing anyway. We, as Americans need to think more about living within our means. If I cannot afford something I should not be able to buy it. But the government barged in and said credit scores don't matter, incomes don't matter, everyone DESERVES a loan. Well, we can see what happened following that mentality.

I am not holding the financial industry and mortgage lenders blameless, but it was DC that caused this problem, not NYC. NYC just exacerbated it on the false pretense that the housing bubble would never burst. Many saw this coming for years. Prices don't always go up, and debts have to be paid.

It's true, regulation is needed. We can't allow anymore high-risk loans. But, we must allow private firms to bailout the market, not the government. And short selling is not the problem. The idea that stopping short selling will help the market is asinine. Just enforce the laws on the books that call for transparency.