The Gym (and the fakers)

Picture taken from this blog

The gym is a great place to go to get in shape.  It is however, not the only place, and I think some people will never figure that out.  I go to the gym 3-5 times a week to lift weights and occasionally use the cardio machines.  I always go with my buddy Todd, unless he makes an excuse and runs out on me (which unfortunately happens a lot). But we generally have a good time.  We have set routines, jokes, and it is a very worthwhile workout.

But the things we've seen there are pretty funny. You can pick out the pretenders. When a kid shows up with his friend with socks up to his knees, about as bony as a skeleton, and proceeds to the largest dumbbells on the bench, I can't help but chuckle. And then there are the pretty boys. They show up with their designer shorts and t-shirts, roll up the sleeves and just stare at their arms as they do curls. The narcissism is very entertaining to watch. The real gym goers stick with scrubby clothes, and beat the sh*t out of their bodies with the weights. That is Todd and my game. And, a gym visit of course wouldn't be complete without some ridiculously inappropriate comment about sweat, someone's mom, or homosexuality.

Some of the most memorable moments about the gym generally involve breaking something. My brother and Todd have both smashed their cell phones with me.  My brother did it when he put his cell phone next to the bench, did a couple sets, then dropped the weights.  The weights then bounced onto his phone, rendering the screen inoperable.  The funny part was, he talked about it before he did it, and tried to put his phone far enough away from the blast zone. The problem was that we were doing incline, so the weights bounced more than if we had been doing reps with a flat bench. Todd crushed his phone when we were throwing boulders in my front yard for a St. Patrick's Day party.  And, one time when Todd and I were at the gym we saw a kid slam down the dumbbells from an incline bench and shatter the mirror in front of him. I'm glad I've been around to share these retarded moments.

But getting back to pretenders.  My advice is to either learn how to work out right, or go running or play tennis.  The gym is for real deal workouts.

Narcissism

In recent weeks, narcissism has come back into fashion (not that it was ever out).  People all over the world are becoming their own Barbie.  Everyone has their own method for preening and gawking at themselves.  Some go to the gym for hours not just to lift weights and run on the treadmill, but to watch themselves do it in the mirror and see their rippling muscles bulge in the rhythm of popular classic rock songs.  Some people go to tanning salons, pools, or spas, and follow their visit by a self-stare down in the mirror.  When they look in the mirror they see more than themselves, they see a raw power that they own and control, and love.  It is perhaps a trend you might want to start.

People have begun to neglect their friends, pets, house chores, work, school, and other obligations because they seem more content to stare at their image in the mirror or in a car window, fixing their hair and making their clothes fit just right.  Some people have taken it to other extremes.  The blind are not left out on this.  They cannot see themselves, so instead, many of them record themselves talking about and to themselves, so they can later listen and admire their own voices and the amazingness that is only theirs.  

So loneliness has finally been cured.  For sure there is always at least one person who will love you, and, you have complete control over that person.  Give yourself a hug, a pat on the back, or rub your own head (and then fix your hair afterwards), because hey, you deserve it.