Showing posts with label Dr. Pepper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dr. Pepper. Show all posts

Friday, September 9, 2011

Low Fat, Low Cal...Taste Debatable

So you may have, from time to time, gone down the aisle of your preferred grocery establishment in search of a sweet treat like chocolate milk...only to discover they only offer "reduced fat" or "low fat" chocolate milk. To me, that is disappointing. Even tragic.

Sure, that cow on the bottle looks happy, but in truth he hates himself.

Similar things happen when you're looking for ice cream, candy, and even soda. You've got coke zero, diet coke, stevia sweetened ginger beer, candy with no sugar or trans fats. On the one hand you could get fat (if you go with the regular), while on the the other hand you could get cancer (with all the phenylalanine and like diet sweeteners).

I mean, if you're looking to eat something sweet and satisfyingly delectable, you probably aren't too concerned about the fat content. And if you are, please go eat some quinoa, buckwheat, amaranth, and then go do your yoga/pilates/tai chi and leave the fat foods for those of us with the restraint to enjoy them without forcing them to become crappy. Or just leave them for the fat kids who don't care.

So do I.

And so does this guy.

I didn't make you fat America. You made you fat. Like that grammar? I like my regular, whole milk chocolate milk. I like my regular, delicious food. I don't like diet anything. I don't like fat free, sugar free whatever. And guess what America, I'm not fat. I have it both ways. I have my cake, and eat it too (But actually I'm a bit particular with my cakes. I'm not a cake guy. I like pie. If I have to eat cake I like angel food cake or that dark chocolate mousse cake...or ice cream cake). I digress...

The point is this: If you want to lose weight, be aware of what you're putting in your body and how much exercise you get. Eat fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and get fresh air and sun and work out as often as possible. And, it's not about losing weight, it's about being healthy. But you won't do it by eating tons of diet stuff. That's the problem. People go, oh, they're "mini" cupcakes, or it's "diet" and proceed to eat the whole bag, box, or case. So, to avoid that, don't eat diet stuff in the first place. Smaller regular food portion size is better than larger diet portion size.

Not everyone is going to be a nasty, emaciated, twig-type, and that's ok. In fact, it's probably good. I should never have something stuck in my teeth, look around for a toothpick, and find you to be a suitable substitute.

She drank the wrong kind of chocolate milk.

It's also ok, and even good to splurge every now any then. As long as butter pecan ice cream and cupcakes don't become your staple food items, and you don't eat your cereal with Dr. Pepper instead of milk, you'll probably be ok. Don't quote me on that though. I know some people who have Dr. Pepper fed intravenously into their arms and they do fine.


And the moral of this diatribe: EAT UP FATTIES!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Corn Dog Diet

Corn dogs: neither corn on the cob, nor a dog. Sure they contain corn, and hot dogs, but that just opens a whole new can of worms. Hot dogs aren't made from dogs either. In fact they're made from excess pig parts that no one else wanted. So why not call a hot dog a "hot cylinder of pig entrails," and call a corn dog a "cylinder of pig entrails wrapped in processed corn bread." Mmmm. Just makes the mouth water. But, even knowing all that, and renaming it, people would still buy them. Why? Because they taste good. Sure, they might give you a coronary, but what doesn't these days? I mean you can have heart problems from eating hamburgers and french fries for crying out loud. You can become sterile from staring at a microwave, or get brain cancer from using your cell phone too much. So, why not indulge in a corn dog? Might as well.

I know I won't turn one down when I'm offered one. 
But, speaking of corn dogs, I have a friend who loves them. He in fact lives off of them. I'm not kidding. He eats a steady diet of corn dogs and soda. And yet, he manages to remain quite trim and full of vim and vigor. Some of you may envy him, and rightly so. He is a man of men. God of corn dogs. A brilliant anomaly showing just how good processed food and American consumerism can be to one person. This is why I suggest the corn dog diet. I do not suggest it for Jewish people, unless they can find corn dogs that are made of lamb, but for all the other heathens I whole-heartedly endorse it. This is how the corn dog diet looks each day of the week:

Breakfast:

Microwave 2 corn dogs
Remove ketchup bottle from refrigerator
Remove 2 liter bottle of root beer from refrigerator
Eat corn dogs with ketchup
Pour a glass of root beer
Refill glass as needed

Lunch

Microwave 3 corn dogs
Remove ketchup bottle from refrigerator
Remove 2 liter bottle of root beer or coke from refrigerator
Eat corn dogs with ketchup
Pour a glass or root beer or coke
Refill glass as needed

Dinner

Microwave as many corn dogs as you want
Remove ketchup bottle from refrigerator
Remove 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper from refrigerator
Eat corn dogs with ketchup
Pour a glass of Dr. Pepper
Refill glass as needed

Repeat Daily.





I hope I have not sent too many of you to your unwitting and unfortunate demise. Good luck.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Delta Swindlers

Well we're going to have to get a little more regular again on this blog. I can make the excuse that I've been traveling, but that's pretty lame because you can usually use the internet just about anywhere. It comes down to priorities. And this blog was just not one of them as I was in Brazil, and as I am now up in my hometown of Duxbury, Massachusetts. 

I got back friday afternoon and left the airport shortly after noon. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. I had a flight that was supposed to get to DC just after 10am. In Sao Paulo I got into a Delta line that I thought was destined for my connection in New York. After waiting about 10 minutes I asked one of the airline people if it was the line for New York. To that my response was, "No that line closed already." So I said, "What are you saying? I'm still here before the flight has taken off, I was misled to think this line, which is apparently for Atlanta, was for New York, and now you're telling me I can't get on my flight?" Then she said, "Well you can either leave the airport, or go to the Delta desk and see if you can still get on your flight." So I went to the Delta desk. The guy there informed me that I had to be there an hour before take off to check in, and that I missed the plane. Then I said, "First off, I was here prior to the hour, I was misled into thinking I was in the right line, and...the plane that you say I cannot board is still here." Well, that got me nowhere. He said he could re-route me through Atlanta, putting me on stand-by for a $250 flight change fee. Whoopee! Out $250 because of their stupid system and mistakes (All these conversations took place in portuguese - angry, ill-tempered portuguese).

Turns out Delta is pretty sleazy. What they do with this 'lock the flight an hour prior' allows them to have extra space on their plane so they can swindle more people who show up late for an earlier flight into paying more to get to their destination. For instance, I was quote on quote "late" for my flight to NYC, so for another $250 they could put me on standby for Atlanta. Those who missed some other flight prior to NYC, who were on standby got my seat. Those who foolishly didn't know about the hour before lock down with Atlanta lost their seat to me and others like me - for a hefty price.

So I had to do some things before I left DC, and didn't end up leaving until 3:30pm to drive up to Boston. On a friday, that is probably the worst possible time to leave. I got stuck in between DC and Baltimore for 3 1/2 hours. A trip that should take 8 hours took me close to 11 hours. But, two Dr. Peppers, singing along to my new Brazilian CDs, and talking to myself for an hour and a half kept me from driving off the road. Mind you, the flight from Brazil was 9+ hours and then another 2 from Atlanta to DC. I was running on dregs. But, all in all good times. I went to my buddy's wedding on Saturday, and I've been visiting old friends around Massachusetts this weekend.  Good times.