The Greatest Mom to Ever Live

This mother's day, just like every past one everyone out there (at least in the US) is grateful and gushing for their mom. Some are just kind and appreciative. Others are more hard core. They brag and say things like: "My mom is the best in the world." Not bold enough I say. Because, truth be told, my mom is the best in the world, hands down. But she's better than that. She deserves more than the accolades of this world. My mom is the greatest mom in the universe (parallel or otherwise existing). This judgment is not subjective. Sorry other moms.

Here's where you want a pedigree or a list of what makes her great. I don't think that is necessary. Just bottle up all the best characteristics that humanity can provide and put them together and there you go. She's never led my astray and her love and kindness are unwavering beacons. She is always serving, always loving, and finding ways to improve herself and the lives of others. I find no fault in her.

Mom, I hope you liked the flowers, chocolate, breakfast and the past quarter century as my mom. I know I can be a handful. But would you have wanted anything less?

Honoring a great man

He was a great man. He always remembered people's birthdays. He sent thank you cards for everything. He was patient with children. He looked both ways before crossing the street. He danced in a way that was neither too provocative nor too prude. He always cleared his plate. He washed his dishes. He didn't pick his nose in public. 

He was a great man.

Yet, no one liked him. He wasn't edgy enough. He didn't cheat on his girlfriends, and he refused to tease people. His sunshiny face and bubbly demeanor even pissed off Sesame Street Characters not named Oscar. He was too perfect. He was an outcast among the Muppets, and Barney cringed when he saw him at PBS awards benefits.

He did what society asked of him, and society hated him for it. In essence he was society's b*tch. 

Good bye friend. You were one of the greatest men to ever not live.

Inducing deep thoughts and vomiting

Sometimes I wonder, "How can I best engage my readers? What polemic or ridiculousness will incite them to continue reading this? What topic will induce deep thoughts, and which will induce vomiting? Can I get both?"

I know when I look for things to read I generally like good titles. Like this one:

Jogger runs mile with rabid fox locked on her arm

or this one:

Dried Mushrooms may slow global warming

Whether I strike a chord with people, or just offend them, I want them to keep reading. I want them to think. I want them to get red in the face or flustered. I want a reaction. An anemic people produce nothing great. I want people to strive for greatness. They need to be charged. They need to believe in themselves. Of course I disagree with people. Even the most similar of people disagree from time to time. But that's not the point. I just want people to think. To react. To internalize. To digest. To push for change, or to hold on to tradition. I want them to do something, or do nothing, but for a reason.

And with that, here is a funny, but irrelevant clip from a British sketch comedy show called Man Stroke Woman on BBC3.