The Art of Jaywalking

People and animals the world over have been doing it since the Romans first came up with decent roads. Yes, that's right: Jaywalking. Why, even dinosaurs did it while migrating across Pangea (especially the diplodocus, he had no respect). However, as risky as it can be, it doesn't seem to be going away. In fact, I'd say it's a rather celebrated past time. Perhaps not quite as celebrated as baseball in America, but more so than the birthday of a family's middle child. Some people are better than others, (as evidenced by the unfortunately high amount of pedestrian casualties), and some animals are better than people. Therefore, there is even another tier within the jaywalking clique that is even more exclusive. It is reserved entirely for giraffes.

Enjoy the art of jaywalking:

No officer, I do not drink and drive.

A free tattoo? Sweet.

Egret, please show some common decency. This is not a marsh. Cross the road in the designated area.

INSOLENT CAMEL! No jaywalking, or strutting, or whatever it is you do.

Why don't you write a song about it.

You just couldn't wait could you? Over eager maybe?

Giraffe, how dare you! I told you to go to the giraffe X-ing.

Oh, now I'm convinced.

Ok man, this time you've gone too far.

I hear this little jaywalking  incident didn't go over so well. You've gotta pick your moments.

Seriously giraffe?! You're out of control.

What?! Cross-dressing man nun jaywalker?

Pedestrians Get the Shaft

Some of you may think you remember a time when people could walk around on sidewalks, go shopping, jogging, etc. without fear of reprisal. Well, that was a dream. Pedestrians are an endangered species. 

Case in point: "There I was, walking along taking in the scenery on a beautiful spring day when all of a sudden I hear 'On your left' and then blacked out. I woke up in a puddle of my own blood on the sidewalk. Gawkers and rubberneckers abounded. Turns out it wasn't blood. It was my slurpee. Even worse. Why did I black out? It was a cyclist."

This story comes from Ben Frinetti of Georgetown, DC. As you can see, pedestrians' turf is being encroached upon. And, even worse, their slurpees are under attack. This is inexcusable. Why in the world does a cyclist need to use the sidewalk? Last time I checked it wasn't even legal, but only tacitly allowed. Remember all those 'Share the road' bumper stickers cyclists used to have on their cars? Yes. That is correct. Cyclists use the same road as cars. That means the pedestrians get the sidewalk. Novel concept I know. Maybe it's only going to happen in a dream world. Or....

I could start the Pedestrian Patrol of America or PPA for short. I could hand out tickets to cyclists using sidewalks. Not only would I make a couple extra bucks, but maybe, just maybe I could make a difference. I could start up the PPA academy, get federal funding from the Obama Administration, and maybe even inspire a series of comedy films. Maybe Kevin James would be interested in playing a role. Everyone in the PPA would be guaranteed a segway equipped with two huge canisters of NOS. We're talking pimped out segways with flames on the sides, super shocks and armed with tasers, pepper spray and rubber riot bullets.

Perfect. Let me know if you're interested.

Wait a second. Maybe this issue is deeper than I thought:

That was me before the PPA let me live again (above)

Robin fell and the man on the ledge died because the PPA was not in his city: