Pedestrians Get the Shaft

Some of you may think you remember a time when people could walk around on sidewalks, go shopping, jogging, etc. without fear of reprisal. Well, that was a dream. Pedestrians are an endangered species. 

Case in point: "There I was, walking along taking in the scenery on a beautiful spring day when all of a sudden I hear 'On your left' and then blacked out. I woke up in a puddle of my own blood on the sidewalk. Gawkers and rubberneckers abounded. Turns out it wasn't blood. It was my slurpee. Even worse. Why did I black out? It was a cyclist."

This story comes from Ben Frinetti of Georgetown, DC. As you can see, pedestrians' turf is being encroached upon. And, even worse, their slurpees are under attack. This is inexcusable. Why in the world does a cyclist need to use the sidewalk? Last time I checked it wasn't even legal, but only tacitly allowed. Remember all those 'Share the road' bumper stickers cyclists used to have on their cars? Yes. That is correct. Cyclists use the same road as cars. That means the pedestrians get the sidewalk. Novel concept I know. Maybe it's only going to happen in a dream world. Or....

I could start the Pedestrian Patrol of America or PPA for short. I could hand out tickets to cyclists using sidewalks. Not only would I make a couple extra bucks, but maybe, just maybe I could make a difference. I could start up the PPA academy, get federal funding from the Obama Administration, and maybe even inspire a series of comedy films. Maybe Kevin James would be interested in playing a role. Everyone in the PPA would be guaranteed a segway equipped with two huge canisters of NOS. We're talking pimped out segways with flames on the sides, super shocks and armed with tasers, pepper spray and rubber riot bullets.

Perfect. Let me know if you're interested.

Wait a second. Maybe this issue is deeper than I thought:

That was me before the PPA let me live again (above)

Robin fell and the man on the ledge died because the PPA was not in his city:

Tasers don't work on raccoons.

This is a legitimate news story that I had to share. You'll learn things. Important things that will help you later in life:

Raccoon unfazed by cop's Taser during wild chase

Oct 23, 3:40 PM (ET)

DALLAS (AP) - Police learned something during a frenetic burglary call to an elderly couple's home: Tasers don't work on raccoons. Police arrived with guns drawn after receiving a 911 call from an 85-year-old man who heard noises near his front door Tuesday night. Officers surrounded the house but pretty quickly - in the words of the police report - "determined the suspect was a raccoon."

In the meantime, the masked burglar apparently made its way into the house through the chimney. And that's when things got really interesting.

With officers in pursuit, the raccoon took off through the house, ripping up Venetian blinds, pulling down drapes, knocking over a lamp and toppling a flowerpot. Finally, Officer Daniel Ek tried to let it out the back door when the suspect apparently turned threatening.

"While unlocking the back door, the suspect ran at Officer Ek," the police report says.
Ek used his taser, but the raccoon ran up the chimney with the stun gun's prongs in its back. An animal control officer tried unsuccessfully to flush it out with ammonia, homeowner Bill Hyde said in Thursday's editions of The Dallas Morning News.

A neighbor helped secure the front of the fireplace to keep the raccoon from returning. The next morning, when the neighbor returned to put a cap on the chimney, the raccoon had escaped.
"He got away clean," Hyde said.