Moon Water!

A self-made billionaire who goes by the name of Bubba Fat has embarked on a quest to re-christen the entire bottled water industry. 

Bubba Fat decided one day while rolling around in piles of his money and left over popcorn that he was thirsty (and also bored with his money). So, his logical deduction was to make bottled water. 

However, the idea that struck him was anything but practical. Mr. Fat didn't just want to dig a hole in some cave or spring and sell the water he found, he wanted to tap the new glaciers recently discovered by the Japanese on the moon. He recounted the story of his epiphany to me:

"It was a late night and I had just finished watching the movie Hot Fuzz for the 7th time. The money piles were making my back a little stiff and I felt itchy. I sat up and I felt this parched sensation in my throat, as if I had just eaten 3 buckets of popcorn without anything to drink. Well, my butler said that is exactly what happened and he offered me a bottled water. The stuff tasted like...well...water. And it bored me. So, I decided to start my own little bottled water company, with moon water!"

Moon water. That is the name Mr. Fat has decided to name his new company. When asked about logistics he said:

"Well, initially the Chinese said I was too fat to go to the moon, but then they said there could be a way. They said they'd take me up there instead of the orangutan they were going to send (he didn't pass the drug test), and they wouldn't even charge me. So, I told them I'd throw down a hundred million if they made me a giant hose connected to a tank with a heater."

Mr. Fat says that if the trip is successful he might even branch out to making a product called Real Moonshine. He said he could make it in his basement with a touch of weed killer, moon water, and his "special ingredient."

"The market for bottled water is still growing, even with the facts out there that say it's not as healthy or as green as tap water. People are enticed by the novelty. And if it's novelty they want, I think moon water wins. It even beats that 10,000 year old Alaskan stuff any day," said Mr. Fat.

Bottled water and liquor from the moon. Could life get any better? I submit that it cannot.

Zenon-phobic

I am Zenon-phobic.

That should not be confused with being xenophobic, which I am not.

Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century and Zenon: The Zequel and Zenon: Z3 are unfortunately frightening realities. It was Disney pop-culture's view of what the future would be like (as if their view of today wasn't scary enough). The made for TV movie is complete with a teenie-bopper named Zenon with her cliquish friends and reflective pleather outfits. She exclaims things like, "Zetus Lapetus" in place of our contemporary lingo of "WTF."

Here is the plot of Z3:

High achiever Zenon Kar is competing to win the Galactic Teen Supreme contest and celebrate at the Moonstock Festival in the year 2054. When Zenon wants to beat handsome competitor Bronley Hale, she runs headlong into Moon preservation activist Sage Borealis. Sage is desperate to keep the Moon from being colonized and exploited and wants Zenon's help. Meanwhile Commander Plank and Aunt Judy's precocious new foster daughter, Dasha is star struck by Zenon and finds it difficult to stay put and out of trouble. During the last competition to win the Galactic Teen Supreme contest, Selena appears and threatens to destroy the Lunar Base. It's up to Zenon to save them and the others from this new deity.

Wow. That's great. I want to shoot myself now. We sure wouldn't want the moon to be colonized and exploited, with all its biodiversity and critical resources. Come on! Everyone knows it's made of cheese. And it's not even good cheese. And what is this with galactic deity and the Moonstock Festival's Galactic Teen Supreme Contest? I thought Neil Armstrong put an end to that. I don't know. I just don't know anymore.

When mindlessness becomes devoid of mindlessness what is left? Zenon.

Olympics moved to moon

So China got the skies clear just in time for the Olympics. Supposedly. After taking half of the normal 3.3 million cars off the road and a little artificial precipitation, they have breathable air (or so they want you to think). The truth is, the IOC has recently agreed to host the Olympics on the moon. Even with all the capital improvements (like that giant bird nest stadium thing), and the demolition of entire swathes of neighborhoods to build random shops and venues in Beijing, the best option has been, and still remains, the moon. And as it turns out, the Chinese have laid claim to it as a former possession (even prior to Taiwan, although they still believe it is made of Cheese and sits on the back of a giant turtle). Apparently they'll even be there before the US returns, so the IOC decided we might as well hold the opening ceremonies there.

French President Sarkozy says, "This is a great decision, I've always wondered what would be the best wine with a moon landing." And I'd have to agree. I've always wanted to see the long jump from outer space, and swimming in near zero g.  I think the IOC has finally got it right for a change.

Chinese moon taken from this blog.