NCAA March Madness: Fouls are for pansies

(Yes, this picture is entirely irrelevant)

Not surprisingly I'm going to go a little counter culture today.

March madness is pretty fun. Yeah, it's crazy to see all the upsets and tons of basketball with really amazing feats of athleticism and drama. However, on the other side, I hate to break it to all of you, but basketball is not a manly sport. At least at the NCAA and pro level. It's a sport for pansies. I hope there are a lot of people up in arms about that comment. But really, when you think about it, there are few other sports where the entire game gets put on hold for some egalitarian fairness rule where some guy who brushes by some other guy gets called for a "foul". Game stoppage every 3 seconds is not fun to watch, and, it doesn't encourage competitive physicality but instead encourages competitive acting. 

You've probably all heard about "flopping" in the NBA. That's where some guy drives to the hoop and the center or whoever is trying to stop him falls to the floor in some melodramatic effort that looks like he's been shot point blank by a tank. Generally, the guy driving doesn't even touch him. The aim is to get take a charge and get the offensive "foul". Well they've tightened things up a little bit in the NBA, and the refs are now calling bluffs. That means spectators (like me) get to watch a real freaking game instead of a Shakespearian play. Unfortunately however, college basketball has not been so liberal with their acceptance of physical play. Honestly, I don't care which team the call favors, I just want to watch the game.

But, let's just put it into its larger context. Yes, I called basketball a sport for pansies. I will stick with that. It's not manly (unless we're talking Shaq or KG). I mean, imagine if they called fouls like they do in basketball in soccer. They'd have a penalty kick every other change of possession. Imagine if, instead of giving yardage penalties every time some guy grabbed a jersey or was called for pass interference in football, they instead gave the other team the chance to make a 30 yard field goal. Or, on the most extreme end, imagine if every time some UFC fighter drew a little blood they stopped the fight, bandaged him up and let him hit the other guy two times in the face. Yeah, then all sports would begin to suck. So basketball leaves something to be desired. I mean if I wanted to watch competitive acting, I'd go to a thespian tournament. I came to watch a sports game.

(And Yes, you may have noticed the theme. I'm calling Manu Ginobli a HUGE pansy.)

Armageddon!

I've heard a lot of people talk about how Armageddon is at hand because of the global financial collapse, pirates, Jesus moving into the White House, and even 200 narwhals getting trapped by encroaching winter ice. Well, I'm feeling a bit left out of the mix. So, I'm joining the chorus that believes Armageddon is upon us. Why, the moon even is turning red (when I look through my 3D glasses).

Here are some reasons to believe the end is near:

1. There is a huge pile of leaves in my front yard and no trees nearby

2. The entire BYU campus is being taken over by deer and quail

3. I don't have a car

4. global cooling - Narwhals trapped in ice and citrus crops plagued by frost

5. global warming - the Sahara desert is taking over the world

6. Androids are taking over (Haley Joel Osment)

7. Hillary Clinton is going to be Secretary of State

8. My room mate is a pirate

9. My front door is broken

10. I nearly choked on a granola bar the other day

11. Chavez is my next door neighbor

12. The book Twilight was made into a feature film

13. Sylvester Stallone made another Rambo film at 60 years old

14. No American in their right mind would by an American car

15. Iran is rounding up spy pigeons to be executed (last year it was squirrels)

16. Pandas are biting people who want to hug them

17. The new James Bond movie wasn't as good as the last one

18. Harry Potter is on the Queen's short list as "heir apparent"

19. I asked for my eggs to be over easy and they were scrambled

20. Hillary Clinton will be my boss if I get into the Foreign Service

21. 1 out of every 5 people have had their brains removed by video games

22. The East is relevant again in the NBA with: Boston, Cleveland, Detroit, Orlando & Indianapolis

23. Michael Jordan is doing Hanes commercials with Charlie Sheen

24. Obama is eating more corned beef

25. The Weather Channel is laying people off

26. Kids are getting arrested for farting

27. The astronauts fixing the space station can't even drink their own urine when they want to

28. Walmart is not having success in Russia

29. Martha Stewart might get a Presidential pardon

30. Val Kilmer is well over 200 pounds:More incriminating evidence

Nina's Original

There is a little pizza place not from from my house. It sits right next to an oh so popular hot dog stand called J-Dawgs. The place is called Nina's Original. And believe me, it speaks volumes about the place.

Nina's Original is an escape. An escape to my true home, the east coast. In particular, at least in this case, New York. You see, Nina and her husband who run the place are New Yorkers, and so is the pizza. The pizzas are made right there just like you were eating a pie in Brooklyn. The diameter of each pie is at least 2 1/2 feet, the crust is thin and the toppings to choose from are many and distinct.

When I drop by I am greeted by my name, usually strike up a conversation about anything that's on my mind, and Nina makes me feel at home. I generally order by the slice, putting on sweet and hot sausage and onions with some pineapple, or some other great combination, and I finish it off with a smooth Chinotto.



True to their Italian form, Nina's carries San Pellegrino sodas. They have Aranciatta (an light orangish beverage), Limonata (a lemonade type beverage), and Chinotto (a slightly aged, cultured taste, orange beverage). My preference as of late has been the Chinotto, but I'd say it takes a bottle or two to acquire, and you have to shake it up first. But, believe me, it's well worth it.

In the back of Nina's Original they have a Projector and cable so you can watch movies and whatever game is on. And in fact on one of the nights during the NBA finals when my TV was missing the AV cables (thanks to a brother of mine), I went to get some pizza and share my plight with Nina and her husband. They were all too kind and first offered their projector and room after some people finished a movie, but then seeing that it might take a while, they tried to scrounge up some AV cables for me. After they couldn't find them in the restaurant they said they could run home and get them. I of course was grateful for their efforts, but declined. However, the story tells quite a bit about the character of Nina and her pizza place. They are courteous, down to earth, helpful, and my kind of people. And, even better, they serve great pizza.