March Madness Eat Your Heart Out.

This is the month that will change your life forever. It is March.

As some of you know, every March they (they being colleges that are decent at basketball) play a tournament called March Madness. But, as interesting and life-changing as that can be, this March there is a different event for men and sports enthusiasts alike. It is called....

MARCHSTACHE MADNESS.

This is the proposition:

Grow a mustache this month. Then, after galavanting, schmoozing, and having the greatest time of your life, send in a picture to the facebook event (Side note: join it first).

Here's the event

And here are some staches:

Ghandi. Oh yes he did.

A severely overweight president (but the 'stache was somewhat slimming Mr. Taft)

I love this picture. It's like the cat staged it and Dali is shocked.

Wyatt Earp. BAM.

Ballsy move.

What?! Michael Jordan too? Yeah he did.

Magnum P.I. (if you grow the 'stache, the TV stardom, sports car, and ladies follow soon after)

Greatest quarterback of all time

Greatest quarterback facial hair of all time.

DITKA!

This is not actually Groucho Marx. This was me at a party last year.

In case you forgot, Ghandi, again.

Yesssss!

I always ask myself if Nietsche was cross-eyed every time I see this picture.

Clooney. That's ammunition for all the anti-stache ladies out there.

C'mon Tyrone, it'll be fun.

Rollie Fingers

I have that same shirt. Why you always raiding my closet Hogan?

Boggs with his arms doing the mirror that his 'stache is doing.

This is how I dress when I go to the gym.

I think he'd look like a monkey without facial hair.

Once again. The all-time greatest.

NCAA March Madness: Fouls are for pansies

(Yes, this picture is entirely irrelevant)

Not surprisingly I'm going to go a little counter culture today.

March madness is pretty fun. Yeah, it's crazy to see all the upsets and tons of basketball with really amazing feats of athleticism and drama. However, on the other side, I hate to break it to all of you, but basketball is not a manly sport. At least at the NCAA and pro level. It's a sport for pansies. I hope there are a lot of people up in arms about that comment. But really, when you think about it, there are few other sports where the entire game gets put on hold for some egalitarian fairness rule where some guy who brushes by some other guy gets called for a "foul". Game stoppage every 3 seconds is not fun to watch, and, it doesn't encourage competitive physicality but instead encourages competitive acting. 

You've probably all heard about "flopping" in the NBA. That's where some guy drives to the hoop and the center or whoever is trying to stop him falls to the floor in some melodramatic effort that looks like he's been shot point blank by a tank. Generally, the guy driving doesn't even touch him. The aim is to get take a charge and get the offensive "foul". Well they've tightened things up a little bit in the NBA, and the refs are now calling bluffs. That means spectators (like me) get to watch a real freaking game instead of a Shakespearian play. Unfortunately however, college basketball has not been so liberal with their acceptance of physical play. Honestly, I don't care which team the call favors, I just want to watch the game.

But, let's just put it into its larger context. Yes, I called basketball a sport for pansies. I will stick with that. It's not manly (unless we're talking Shaq or KG). I mean, imagine if they called fouls like they do in basketball in soccer. They'd have a penalty kick every other change of possession. Imagine if, instead of giving yardage penalties every time some guy grabbed a jersey or was called for pass interference in football, they instead gave the other team the chance to make a 30 yard field goal. Or, on the most extreme end, imagine if every time some UFC fighter drew a little blood they stopped the fight, bandaged him up and let him hit the other guy two times in the face. Yeah, then all sports would begin to suck. So basketball leaves something to be desired. I mean if I wanted to watch competitive acting, I'd go to a thespian tournament. I came to watch a sports game.

(And Yes, you may have noticed the theme. I'm calling Manu Ginobli a HUGE pansy.)

What is your perspective?

How important is perspective? How important is attitude? Can one overcome the other? Are they the same?

I would insist that we all have different perspectives on life, politics, religion, sports, family, banana cream pie, teatherball, compost piles, milk jugs, and Marfan's syndrome. We develop our perspectives from within and without. We can only partially affect them. We don't choose what we see, or even always in what light we see it, but our attitude can spin it for us, and even change reality as we know it. Here are a few good examples to frustrate you:

Is it a cube? Is it a box? Are you a cube? A box? Or a square? 

The answer is yes.

On which set of stairs do you find yourself? Do you even take the stairs? Did you know that going up stairs is better on your knees than going down? Are you bald with no face like Escher's people in this drawing?

Are you looking at the painting? Or is the painting looking at you? Or are you looking at a painting of someone looking at a painting that is also looking at him, and possibly you? Do you prefer nyquil or codine?

Think about it. Just like the Flight of the Conchords prescribe.

The Good Things of Ohio

Some of you may remember, with some bitterness and dismay, the post I wrote a while back about the good state of Ohio. To understand my rationale for bludgeoning the good name of the state, I must just say my Celtics were not doing so hot in a seven game series against Cleveland. However, I foolishly did not remember all of the good people I care for and appreciate that have lived there or call Ohio home.


There are many good things to come from Ohio. One of which is a man named Ross Mangum. Ross was born in the Ohio cradle of love, not far from the garden of Eden. He was nurtured by Cyclops wet maids who rode unicorns (and his loving family, who may or may not have known about the cyclops). Ross grew up near Ohio State University, and has close ties with it. His father is a professor there, and that in turn with his proximity to the school created an unwavering devotion to the school, and consequently its football and other sports programs. He is currently studying neuroscience at Brigham Young University, and heads the BYU chapter of the Alliance of Students Against Poverty (ASAP). He is an extremely bright fellow, with a knack for soccer, and a love for Brazil, having served a two-year mission for the LDS church there. Currently he is a research assistant in Scotland, solving all the mysteries of the human genome and probably cloning lots of sheep. Ross is one good reason to like Ohio, but there are many others.

Let me list them:

Bryant Angelos
Soon to be Mary Angelos
The Bergins
Sea World
Sandusky
High Speed Tech Corridor
Jack Nicklaus
Neil Armstrong
The Wright Brothers
The Cardinal (State bird)
Columbus
Beaver Wars
Cleveland
Cinncinati
Toledo
Akron
Dayton
Automobile plants: Jeep, Honda, Ford, GM
Rubber
Steel
Wright-Patterson Airforce Base
NASA
Cornbelt
Healthcare

There are obviously many other things that I could list, but those should be good enough. The two Angelos family members and the Bergin family should be enough, but you don't necessarily know them. So take your pick (flight, steel, rubber, cars, Beaver Wars), they're all good options. I don't think anyone could still exist without Ohio's contribution to our country and lives. And by exist, I mean live in any meaningful way. Oh, and if you don't know anything about what I listed, look it up on wikipedia, because I don't have the time or patience to write it all out, and I want you to have the wonderful discovery experience I just had with Ohio.