My Friend's Foolproof Plan to Get into Law School

My friend Travis had a funny idea of how he plans to get into law school that I thought I would share:

I have thought of a foolproof plan to get into the law schools that might not otherwise accept me.

Step 1: I will feign my own death. I'm imagining the scenario something like this: I go on a road trip that takes me through some very rural areas during a blizzard. The car breaks down, and I start wandering aimlessly in the snow. The falling snow covers my tracks, making it impossible for the rescuers to find me. They conclude that I froze to death somewhere. Something like that. In reality, I had a friend follow me, and rode back to their house with them, where I will spend the next couple weeks hanging out in the basement and reading Calvin and Hobbes.

Step 2: I make sure that someone notifies all the schools I applied to. They also request that the schools notify them about the acceptance decision, so that they can say, "He had just been accepted to Harvard Law" or whatever, in the eulogy.

Step 3: The law school admissions people, moved to compassion, decide to grant my posthumous admission. I'm dead; what harm can it do?

Step 4: I miraculously reappear, alive, with a remarkable story about being rescued by a family of wolves during the blizzard and living in a cave for a week, answering the Call of the Wild.

Step 5: The law schools feel obligated to let me in, since they said they had admitted me.
It's foolproof! Nothing could possibly go wrong!

Let me know if you have a free basement I can borrow. And lots of Calvin and Hobbes books.

The Noble Snow Chicken

Today I am dedicating this blog post to a truly noble beast that no one gives its due. It is often referred to as the "snow chicken." And, given that it is winter and there is still snow in front of my house I thought it only fair to give this animal a little honorable mention. Another name it has is the ptarmigan. The 'p' that starts its name is just for show, so it is pronounced "Tar-mig-an." See, the bird is getting tricky already.

The reason the ptarmigan is so tricky is because he has to be. He is the official game bird for Newfoundland and Labrador in Canada. So, he's always on the run, usually being chased by backwoodsy types with enormous fur coats. Fortunately, in other places he is more respected, and not made the Josey Wales type. In Nunavut Canada he is the official bird (that seems nicer than official game bird). In America he is called the partridge, and even plays an integral part in Christmas music as you can recall from the Twelve Days of Christmas.

But one good reason we can admire this noble snow chicken is because of his actions. The male ptarmigan's song is a loud croaking (not unlike the Budweiser Frogs) And, if that weren't enough, it turns out that they can be surprisingly tame and approachable. If you don't like the idea of a guard dog, perhaps you should get a snow chicken to croak at would be robbers. Furthermore, they are rough and tumble birds only living in harsh climates like the mountains of Scotland, the Pyrenees, the Alps, Bulgaria, the Urals, the Pamir Mountains, the Atlay Mountains and Japan. They are in essence the mountain men of the bird world.

I personally plan on owning a snow chicken. I will probably get him a spike collar and call him Bruno. 

Non-existent Utah snow removal

It has not stopped snowing here in Provo. It began yesterday. Bear in mind, I like snow. In fact, I would not mind if there were a blizzard outside. Basically, as long as it's in the right season I'm down with it. But, there is something I find a bit ridiculous about this snow and Utah. As most of you know (or perhaps you have no idea), on license plates out here in the great state of Utah there is a phrase. It says "The greatest snow on earth." Now, I'm not about to dispute that, but I do find a bit lacking for a place that had the winter Olympics in 2002 and a slogan like that to not have sufficient snow removal services.

For the past two days the streets have been caked with powder, slush, and ice. Occasionally plows come out and do their job, but their service is infrequent at best. Now, to juxtapose that with snow removal in Massachusetts - where at the first sign of a winter storm plows are grinding the pavement with sparks flying - Utah is inept. I really don't get it. Maybe they pay the plow drivers more in Massachusetts. Maybe they have more plows, sand, and salt in Massachusetts. I do not know. All I know is that if Utah is going to say it has the "greatest snow on earth," it better have the greatest snow removal services on earth to match it. I mean, it's not like Utah is not familiar with snowy streets. If they were going to take their slogan seriously they should have diamond snow plow blades encrusted in gold, to plow that beautiful Utah powder. Will it happen? Yes. When I become governor (which will be never).

Questions to distract you from Holiday Stress

(This is what might happen to you if you read this)

I have decided to write a list of questions for my readers to answer. It could provide a little break and distraction from christmas shopping, finals, work, or anything else that you'd rather not do or think to much about. Here they are:

Would you rather have cold hands and warm feet or warm feet and cold hands?

Which to you like to watch more, rain or snow?

Which do you like to hear more, rain or snow?

Where is your happy place?

What time is it?

What is your favorite Christmas song?

What is your favorite Christmas singer?

Would you rather die choking on dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

How many times have you injured yourself while decorating for Christmas?

What is the capital of Uzbekistan?

Did you know that mistletoe is actually poisonous?

Have you ever eaten Santa's cookies before he got there?

What did Santa do to you when he found out you ate his cookies (ignore if you're a good kid)?

How many pairs of slippers do you own?

Have you ever found coal inside them?

Did you ever want a power wheel for 5 straight years and never get one from Santa?

Do you wish you could have snow and warm weather at the same time (If yes, then I can recommend a few cities near volcanoes)?