The Greatest Past Time: Sleeping

While you can be sure that baseball is a great past time, I would suggest there is an even better one. One that many people seem only to be able to dream about while awake. This marvelous past time I refer to is sleeping. It is truly a difficult one to master for many. There are however, many child prodigies out there who seem to drop their heads, close their eyes, and start REM at will. What is their secret? Why do so many people who enjoy the past time have such difficultly mastering it?

Well, it's the same as baseball. There are only so many Jake Peavys, Pedro Martinezes, Alberto Pujols and Babe Ruths. In fact, some of our greatest sleepers come around only once in a generation. Some of our greatest sleepers are, however, unfortunately less appreciated and far more scrutinized than anyone entering the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. Those who have this amazing God given skill to sleep and sleep well are often called lazy and unproductive. Usually, I would suggest, out of jealousy. Why can we not appreciate it? Because we want it for ourselves. We cannot enjoy a sleeper's gift the way we can a great baseball player's gift. But, perhaps in the near future, with all those crazy dream and sleep scientists out there, we will be able to experience the beautiful sleep of a true sleeper. Sure, we'll have to be conscious to enjoy their subconsciousness, but hey, it's a step in the right direction.

With greater empathy and insight we might even be able to posthumously admire the former sleeping greats. Here are a few: Ben Franklin, Ronald Reagan, King George III, Harriet Tubman Jimmy Kimmel, Franck Bouyer, Harold M. Ickes, and Lenny Bruce. You may have noticed that some of them are not dead. Even better. We can still appreciate them and further the great past time of sleeping with stars of today.

Here is a link explaining some of these famous narcoleptic's challenges.

New Sleep Aid: Sleep in a Can

Have you ever found yourself unreasonably tired or restless? Do you find it difficult to sleep, or to even find time for sleep when you want it? Well worry no more. From the makers of 'good times in a box' comes something that will make all your sleeping problems go away. They call it 'Sleep in a Can.' It comes in 6 ounce, 8 ounce, and 12 ounce canisters along with a handy spray nozzle. It has been endorsed by the American Sleep Society (ASS) and got a five star rating from the Unique and Probably Not Real Invention Society. 'Sleep in a Can' also comes in different flavors: night terrors, nightmare, falling into an endless chasm, ponies and rainbows, you failed your math test, and yellow.

The six ounce can goes for about $5, the eight ounce for $7, and the twelve ounce for $10. The superpak goes for $40, but gives you a month's supply and saves you $2 a can. And the testimonials are resoundingly positive. John Ungerbrook, an insomniac from Raleigh, North Carolina, says:

"I don't remember life before sleep in a can. Seriously. I don't remember it. I think I was employed somewhere with people and stuff."

Randy Fitzburg of Pocatello, Idaho, had this to say:

"My favorite flavor is yellow. I can be driving down the interstate, listening to my wife talk about her day, or staring at my computer screen, then, I pop open my 'Sleep in a Can' and I'm wading in a sea of yellow. All the sounds are yellow. The cars and trees are yellow. My wife is yellow. My brain is yellow. I can actually see my yellow brain!"

Martina MacDraw from Ceder City, Iowa, says:

"I used to never sleep. My husband's snoring made me deaf in my left ear. But I bought the superpak of 'Sleep in a Can' and now my husband is losing his hearing from all of my snoring, along with all shrieking and yelling that I do. My favorite flavor is night terrors. My husband has even threatened to divorce me. I haven't been more rested in all my life."

To see more equally convincing endorsements go to www.sleepinacanforlife.com. But before you do, get yours today! Dial now! (559)123-4567! Operators are standing by to help you sleep.

***This product is highly addictive. It is not recommended for people with children (because you might be tempted to sell them into slavery to buy this product). It is also not recommended for pregnant women, fat men, people who look like ducks, unfashionable people, nerds, goobers, athletes, or anyone named Fred. Batteries not included.