Easter Text Messages

So today is Easter Sunday, and I am Christian. So, it's an important holiday to me. And, apparently it is also important to other people. While some people in the Philippines are flagellating and scourging themselves, some even doing mock crucifixions and resurrections, my friends just send me text messages. I think that's nice. And, not quite so messy. Fortunately I do not have any friends who have sent me videos of themselves reenacting the passion of Christ. However, what is one to do when receiving a mass text that says, "Happy Easter!" with possibly a million smiley's after it? Here is a similar conundrum:

The Metaphor of the Pet Fish

Try to pull a life lesson or sophisticated metaphor out of this:

At the beginning of this semester my brother agreed to take care of three guppies when a girl he hardly knew said her landlord wouldn't let her have them. So, we, or should I say I, ended up caring for these fish. I kept their tank clean, changed their water, fed them, and did all the normal fish care essentials. Unfortunately, I had to leave for winter break. While I gorged myself in holiday dinners and moped around my parent's house, the fish were back at school, all alone. I told a friend of mine to feed them and water my plants, and thought not much of it.

Then I returned. One of the fish was dead. Another was doing strange acrobatics and water Tae Bo that led me to believe he was also near the end of his days with us. A few days later he died. They were of course given their due respect with a proper fish burial, involving a net and a toilet. So now I have one fish. He has remained chipper, and one might even say "plucky." He eats well, swims well, and seems to enjoy being the king of his domain. 

So I suppose my question is this: Which fish are you? 

Are you like my last remaining fish who held on with faith until after the master returned and still lives in harmony on his fish throne?

or

Are you the fish who died before his return?

or

Are you the fish who held out long enough to see the master, do some stupid tricks to either save yourself or impress me, and then die shortly thereafter?

Peter Pan Complex

Just recently it was discovered in a suburb of London that Peter Pan is in fact real. He did not get married, does not actually have a family, and the Hook movie was a nice idea, but completely false. Peter Pan is still a 12 year old boy who wears green tights and a Robin Hood attire. He was spotted last tuesday evening by a resident at 54 Kensington Street, in (name not disclosed), just outside of London. Apparently a large 'firefly' was described as having attached itself to his leg or buttocks and was tussling with him mid-air. At first, the resident said that she thought it was a ghost, but then, to her relief, she recognized him as Peter Pan.

He was said by the resident to have endorsed the lifestyle position much maligned by a majority of Christians. While watching the cheerful and infamous character, she heard him say, "Hey wench! Eat drink and be merry! Here's some pixy dust!" Thinking it was a drug reference, and having had some difficulties of her own with local law enforcement, the resident declined and said, "Grow up!" Peter Pan guffawed and flew away (supposedly to Neverneverland).

However, since news of the encounter has spread there has been a new revolutionary movement sweeping through this suburb of London. Most people tend to get excessively drunk, smashed, or otherwise incapacitated and then proceed to jump off of park benches, trees, roofs, and statues. When they are accosted by police, they generally say, "I don't want to grow up." Many have been caught making lewd gestures in public, digging holes in the middle of parks for 'buried treasure,' and having an increasingly difficult time settling down in meaningful relationships or careers. But surprisingly few have been held on formal charges, and many of the local police force have joined in the merriment.