Swine Flu: Run for your life!

OMG! It's the swine flu! I'm so scared. I mean I spend most of my time in Mexico rolling around in the mud with pigs and cutting deals with rural pig farmers. It's almost as bad as the West Nile virus that killed hundreds of crows across the US. But it's not quite as bad as the avian flu that killed many Chinese chickens and caused thousands to be slaughtered by the government in the worst chicken holocaust since KFC was founded.

The authorities are cracking down.

But they're having some fun too.

The swine flu is worse than AIDS. At least people got AIDS from monkeys. I mean, I know it's an ethical question that no one wants to talk about, but is it better to touch monkeys or pigs? Perhaps Michael Jackson has an answer. I like monkeys better, but that's just a personal preference. There are a lot of sick pig obsessed whack jobs out there.

I know what you're going to say. "But these people didn't get it from getting jiggy with pigs. Pigs are just genetically similar to humans and so the disease was easily communicable." I'm not buying it. Sounds like something a pig lover would say.

Cookies N' Cream

We all enjoy our guilty pleasures from time to time, and for you calorie counters out there, mine has more than you eat in a whole day: BYU Creamery Cookies n' Cream milk. It's delectable. It's delicious. It's guaranteed to make you smile and probably get fat. That is why moderation is key. And to moderate, only buy and drink it when you see it. And, for more moderation, don't hang out in the drink section of any BYU affiliated food store on a regular basis. I follow that last one about as well as Toto followed Dorothy on the yellow brick road (always, unless there was an interesting scarecrow to pee on). And I know what you might be thinking, "But aren't you a chocolate milk guy?" Oh, you know me too well. But, for some reason I like the Cookies n' Cream variety better than the chocolate stuff from BYU creamery. And, I can give you a reason why:


Nowadays you may have noticed that chocolate milk is 'reduced fat' everywhere. WTF?! If I have made the decision to drink chocolate milk I want the f-ing fat (f-ing stands for fattling). And, to counter this, I drink the cookies n' cream stuff because I at least think it has more fat. Whether that is true or not really doesn't matter to me.
I just know I feel like a Satan Pig when I drink it. And, I think from time to time we all should allow ourselves a moment or two a day, or a week to let our inner Satan Pig out.