I'm the fastest man in the world.

So a lot of people ask me: "How did you become the fastest man in the world?"

My response is simple. Practice.

But when I say "practice", I don't mean "practice running", or "practice running fast". No. I mean "practice being the fastest man in the world". Start from there. You have to be it before you're it. Got me?
Here are some other pointers if you hope to one day become a thousandth as fast as me:

1. Outrun and then chase down an antelope, and devour it.
2. Outrun and then chase down an antelope that a cheetah is already chasing, then devour the antelope in front of the cheetah and then devour him if he doesn't like it.
3. Get some colored rocks and a slingshot.
4. Start running as you hear the snap of the slingshot and beat the rocks to whatever target you've shot them at. Colored rocks make it more fun.
5. Get to know some people at NASA, and then race the space shuttle (Bring a cape so you can keep chasing it while you are flying in the upper stratosphere...if you haven't caught it by the time it escapes earth's orbit, you've lost, and you'll never be as fast as me).

This is the last guy I beat. Look, he can't even chase down a ring. And he needs to hold the word 'flash' in his hand to remind himself of the shell of a superhero that he now is thanks to me.

That is all.

PS - Usain Bolt only competes against humans. Weak sauce.

Do you eat rocks?

Here are some strictly hypothetical questions for you:

What if rocks tasted good and had nutritional value? Would you eat them? Would you grind them into powder and pour them on your cereal?

Some rocks of course, are edible, and nutritional, but the taste leaves something to be desired (that something is probably real food). However, the rocks that you can eat do not by any means taste good, and if they are eaten whole, they'll be the last thing you ever eat (teeth are nice to have, but rocks and teeth don't get along as well as they should).

Whether you think eating rocks is a bad idea, good idea, or something you are currently doing while reading this, you have at one point or another eaten rocks in your life. The denials have started. But really, you have. Every time you have a beach picnic. Every time you eat near dust, and whenever you have a vitamin, or vitamin enhanced orange juice or cereal. The first two seem obvious, but the second two not so much. The fact is, zinc, calcium, copper, iron, etc. all come from rocks, and get into our food. With good and bad results. The Romans liked rocks with lead in them, and even made pipes out of the stuff. 

So be careful when eating rocks. You can't avoid eating them, so just be careful. And eating them is sometimes just as rewarding as throwing them.