The Whole Grain Conspiracy

There is a common misconception that exists in our society. This misconception has gone too far, pushing some people to the brink of starvation and unemployment. You may have guessed it already. "Hay is for horses."

In fact according to recent Harvard study, hay is not just for horses. Hay is a fabulous source of fiber, is low in cost, and is widely available. For decades the hay industry has been stifled by this harmful myth of hay being 'just for horses.' Many within the industry believe it was an insidious lie promulgated by the makers of oatmeal like Quaker, and Carnation Instant Breakfast. Bill Turley, a hay farmer from western Pennsylvania has been trying to undercover what he calls "the hay hater conspiracy" for years.

 "I'm just trying to make an honest living. I sew my fields, and reap them when they're ready. My hay is some of the finest you can buy, but for some reason people only want to buy it for their horses. Little do they know that sheep, goats, cattle, and even people can eat it too. Why, every morning I wake up to a steamy bowl of haymeal and radish drink. It's delicious. I might look like I'm 35, but I'm 72. It's all because of the hay. But no, those stupid oatmeal quakers have to shrink my market with the whole 'hay is for horses' campaign."

Mr. Turley has brought up his concerns before, even picketing by his town hall with signs strapped to himself and some of his farm animals. The signs are more clever than one might expect from a hay farmer. On his sheep the sign says, "Baaaaai like hay too." On his cows, taking from the Chick-Fil-a commercial campaign, is written "Eat more hay." But, his own sign is more direct with the inscription, "Eat haymeal for breakfast! Screw the Quakers." It might be easy to see why he has lost some supporters. Confused quakers who live next to his farm now refuse to do business with him. When he tried to explain they just threw instant oatmeal in his face.

"It's a tough rode I travel, but I believe deep down that one day hay will take its rightful place on the throne of whole grain foods," said Mr. Turley.

I think we can all agree that Mr. Turley's cause is a noble, but hard one. The misconception is so widespread that even his horses get ornery when he reaches in their feed bags for a handful of hayliciousness, even nipping him and stomping around their corrals in angst. 

Good luck Mr. Turley.

Juggling=transcendental truth

I was talking to a friend yesterday about life, the universe, and everything and she mentioned that she was taking a yoga class (a university course). I said, "That's cool, but what's with the lacrosse balls?" She then replied that she was trying to learn how to juggle. I said, "What does juggling have to do with yoga?" She then said she didn't know, but that she had to learn for the class. I proceeded to question the logic, so she then blurted out, "It's transcendental." To which I responded, "WHAT?! Juggling is transcendental? Who told you that? That's crazy."

Or is it? Maybe juggling is the one thing I've been missing in life. Maybe juggling is what will help me discover that higher philosophic truth that has been alluding me all these years. Maybe juggling is that one small piece of the puzzle that Plato, Aristotle, Descartes, Hume, and Heidegger missed. I should have known. 

By throwing balls (or any other object) in the air we focus not on a single ball, nor on all the balls, but on the action of maintaining the balls airborne. We must focus, but not too much. We need to see the whole and the parts - simultaneously. It is a hermeneutical circle. To understand the whole we must understand the parts, and the meaning of the parts in sequence. Wow. 

I bet that juggling is only the beginning. I bet that there are amazing truths to be discovered in playing catch, jumping jacks, doing crossword puzzles, or eating oatmeal. And, now that I know the sources of all meaning, I can finally write the definitive work on universal truth.