The Most Stylish Letter of 2009!

Every May 19th a select pool of typographers, etymologists, linguists, poets, English professors, scrabble players, and people like me is narrowed down to an elite committee of judges to rank the letters of the American Alphabet according to their stylishness, and award the Most Stylish Letter of the Year Award*. In recent years the Most Stylish Letter of the Year Committee (MSLYC) has only consisted of one judge, due to the lack of responsiveness and heavy scheduling burdens of others chosen to sit on the committee. 2009 was no different for the MSLYC, and I am still the only one judging the Most Stylish Letter of the Year, but that hasn't changed the quality of this year's top contestants.

Cue (Q) and Ef (F) both showed promising early leads in the 1st rounds of judging, and some pundits had projected top five finishes for the Consonants. However, during some negative campaign ads the Q camp really worked hard to paint F as the demoralizing grade of failure in the classroom, and even used phrases such as "That's Effed Up" during rallies, subtly reminding the crowd of what F has stood for in the past. Strangely enough, that phrase increased F's popularity among certain demographics, including teenagers, sailors, and anyone who has seen "The Boondock Saints." Q lost considerable support when an F campaign spokesman spun the ads as "attack ads." The comment that really left Q in a quagmire came at a phonics fundraiser when F said, "What's up with the dependency on 'you' (U)? There's nothing stylish about that [...] the neediness is just pathetic." The slurring ended with less-than-lowercase ratings for both letters.

The vowel campaigns were unsually strong this year across the board, from A, E, I, O, to U, and employing a new slogan this year: "Always Y." Why (Y) fought fiercely to avoid being labeled a "flip-flopper" by either the Vowels or Consonants. Y's campaign also made great use of it's descender, the part of the lowercase letter that extends below the "v" where the two lines meet. O has been the most successful of the vowels, as a six time Top Ten Finisher, consistently campaigning on simplicity and pure curvature. However, this year Cee (C) and Ess (S) borrowed the approach, and left O way behind in almost every poll. Not even the corporate endorsement from Google ("O puts the 'ooooo' in Google") seemed to help. Without any particularly creative ideas to gain attention, O completely floundered this year, which left E and Y as the top contenders for the Vowels.

At the very top, competing for first place, Zee (Z) and Ecks (X) put on the most entertaining of letter duels. The two former-champion Consonants have been trading titles for the last nineteen years of this competition, with twelve wins for Z and seven for X. At the last debate between the two nominees it was no surprise to see the Xylophone and Xena: Warrior Princess jokes again. X responded without missing a beat, pretending to snore, "Zzzzzz... haven't you got any new material?" Z bantered back immediately, "Zilch."

So without any further ado, it's time to announce the The Most Stylish Letter of 2009...



X!

On behalf of the MSLYC, I'd like to thank all twenty-six of our entrees this year, and invite them all to return for next year's competition. Congratulations, Ecks!

*The May 19th contest was first founded to commemorate both the beheading of Henry VIII's second wife Anne Boleyn in 1536, and John Quincy Adam's signing of the Tariff of 1828, protecting US wool manufacturers. You can learn more at the following link: the following link.

Sasquatch runs for Mayor!

Even as everyone doubted him, he came out to support democracy.

Sasquatch. 

He is now running as mayor of backwoods town in Montana. The residents are a commune of hermits. Yes, I know it sounds oxymoronic, but they all live alone in their respective caves, trees, underground burrows, or abandoned mine shafts and they only know of each other's existence by passenger pigeon. And, only discovered Sasquatch's existence after several of their passenger pigeons did not return. Having eaten several pigeons and leaving hairballs in front of the homes of the local hermits, he was lauded. Almost every hermit was pleased with the Sasquatch's efforts to make them more fundamentalist. They felt their pigeon communication was making them less of the true hermits they believe themselves to be. 

His campaign has been completely funded and run by a man who goes by the name Samuel "Guffnupper" Harrison. No one in the community knows who Guffnupper is, but they appreciate his efforts. "Sasquatch don't speak anglesh, and don't like people en pigeons en stuff en he don't care  if he wins, so he's the right guy fir the job." so says Guffnupper. The campaign's main tenets are apathy, reclusiveness, and hairiness, all of which are undeniably qualities that Sasquatch possesses as do his constituents.

Sasquatch's recent endorsement videos:

Cold One

Flaming Bag

Warm water

Shaving Cream

RC plane

Upset at Presidential Campaigns and plugging myself.

This Presidential election season has not inspired me. I suppose it's not obligated to do so, but I would even go so far as to say I am beyond fatigued at this point, and indeed disappointed. The methods employed by both campaigns were shoddy and only they only feigned accountability and decency from time to time. The press pretty much shot itself in the foot with its fiendish diagnosis of one side, while almost entirely ignoring anything even remotely detrimental from the other. I believe in tough journalism, but it needs to be equally tough and effacing for both parties. Our press has become so sensationalized and subjective it has caused an uproar among its own. 

Here's a great article on it from ABC news columnist Michael S. Malone.

That being said, I will be glad on November 5th. I will be able to write about other things. I will be able to write about defiant garbage collectors, toothpaste, writer's block, provo dating scenes, manly men, global cooling, cranberries, eco-cars, wo-men, girlfriends, new housing market options, potatoes, the Chinese, taking naps, etc., etc., etc.

Yes, I just plugged my own blog. And, I'm patting myself on the back now. Thank you. 

Election fatigue, again.

Politics.

The study of politics is a very important subject, that has unfortunately been smeared by hypocrites who paint themselves as angels and in truth are demons.  

People cringe when they hear the word, and often absolve themselves from conversations touching on anything even remotely related to their perception of what it is. However, politics are a part of our day to day life, our conversations, relations, and all interactions. There are the politics of the family, the politics of our immediate social circles, the politics of our home towns, the politics of our states and nations, and international politics. But what fatigues us is not its study, but rather the corruptive nature of competitive "balance of power" politics.

Most people at this point in the presidential election are fatigued. They are fatigued by the attempts of both candidates to paint the other in a negative light, using flimsy arguments and half-truths. Both are equally guilty. In commercials aired by both candidates, allegations have been made that cannot be completely dismissed, but cannot be completely denied. And, unfortunately, this is why they continue to distort facts. If they both can claim transparency, and be nothing but opaque, why should they stop, if it will win them the election? 

People in general do not want to do a lot of research by themselves to determine which candidate most closely adheres to their personal beliefs. They want it easy. They expect that campaign commercials, CNN and Fox will fill them in enough. Well, good luck with that. Here's a link provided to me by a commenter on my previous post that debunks and rates the truthfulness of different campaign smears from both candidates. Whether it helps or not I do not know, but I hope so.

Obamamania!

You know what I've heard from the McCain camp, and numerous non-American press outlets? I heard that Obama is getting more publicity from the media than McCain. I am shocked. I mean, it just doesn't make sense for the press to be chasing around a handsome, young, energizing mulatto from Chicago's south side. They should be chasing a battle-worn, cranky, white septuagenarian like McCain.  

The statistics are pretty interesting though. In the past month, of the new stories regarding Presidential candidates, 77% have been about Obama, with only 33% about McCain. That disparity is a tad disconcerting. And, many in the press have been blatantly open about their lack of objectivity, saying, as Chris Matthews did, that they have "felt a tingling sensation go up [their] legs" when hearing Obama speak and campaign. It would not be quite so funny if it weren't actually happening. But, at the same time, most American news is nothing but sensationalism passed off as journalism. And that's one reason I read more news from Britain and other countries.

However, I can't help but think I am only contributing to the Obamamania by mentioning him in my blog as much as I do. I try to get both McCain's name, and Obama's in the same post, or in the same sentence (like this one), but it can be tricky. They are trying to outmaneuver each other using the press.  Well, I won't be bought. The fact is, regardless of the press's favoritism of Obama, the polls have remained relatively the same. Obama has a slim 2-3% point lead and it hasn't changed much at all for a few weeks. That should be comforting to McCain, and a little sign of trouble for Obama. Either way, I think it will be a fun race to watch in these upcoming days and months.