The Most Interesting Man in the World: Best Advertising Campaign Ever?

This is quite possibly the greatest advertising campaign I have ever seen. Or, at the very least, one of the best to come along in a while. Dos Equis, the Mexican beer company, has this suave older man (the most interesting man in the world) always surrounded by attractive women, give tips on life, the universe, and everything. This is how you sell stuff:

The most interesting man in the world on pick up lines:

The most interesting man in the world on rollerblading:

The most interesting man in the world on the two-party system:

The most interesting man in the world on packages:

The most interesting man in the world on mixed nuts:

The most interesting man in the world on himself:

Some more background on the most interesting man in the world:

That was a lot of Mexican beer commercials. I'll have to post more later. Let me know what you thought. Maybe I'm alone in my appreciation for this commercial series. I hope not.

Funny Commercials and Terry Tate

And today, funny commercials: 

And more Terry Tate, office linebacker: 

Terry takes out a streaker:

Today's Topic: Enigma

What is enigmatic? What is infinite? What is real? What is surreal? I think Escher and Dali did a lot to help us (or confound us) with these questions, as did other artists. Whether it is art, or a secret algorithm machine controlled by the Nazis, every day there is something else that will confuse, surprise, astound, enlighten, or befuddle us. 

Yeah, he's pretty normal.

This is how Dali felt during the Spanish Civil War.

This woman looks like Shakespeare.

I worked on a mill just like this one time.

Apparently this is infinity. You can stop searching for it.

Convex or Concave?

This building would not pass any inspection

The original 'Enigma' machine.

Close up of the 'Enigma' machine.

Random panting having something to do with endless mirrors.

Sleep much?

Who are these people that take pictures of mirrors, part of their arm, and part of their waist?

The Internet is Sucking Out Our Brains.

(Yes, the brainsucking monster represents the internet)

Ok, I've milled this over a little bit.

Turns out, the Satire Report isn't generating the same kind of interest it used to. Some of this might be because I'm not longer in college or because most college kids aren't bored enough at school to read it (assuming they are my demographic), or because I just suck at writing. Perhaps I've lost my edge (assuming I ever had an edge). It might also be because I'm not as consistent as I once was (I'm willing to bet that's a large part of it). However, the truth is, most of the people who "visited" this site, just came for the pictures. People in the internet age don't have the attention spans to read whole articles (unless you have no life like me). In fact, most of my "readers" probably stopped reading this blog post after the first sentence (I know, unfair stereotyping, but c'mon, what did you expect?)

But there is a greater risk here. Sure, you might be disappointed if I stopped doing this blog (more likely you wouldn't care either way), but I think the person I would most disappoint would be myself. Why is that? Because I am unnecessarily addicted (connected, wired, glued, take your pick) to the internet. I spend WAY too much time reading articles, posting them on facebook, changing my twitter status, watching highlights and reading articles on ESPN.com, checking my mail, and basically living often times vicariously through online social networking mediums. What is happening? I'll tell you what is happening. The internet is sucking the life out of me. The online world is sapping my brain juice and feeding it to either the Matrix, the Deceptocons, or Bill Nye the Science Guy (possibly all of them).

(This woman is clearly being attacked by the internet)

But I guess it wouldn't bother me so much if I were the only sufferer of this brain-sapping, life-altering plague. There are more of us online social networking, blogging, article-reading zombies! We think we shape the world around us with our tweets and article reviews, but in truth we're just doing it out of lack of creativity, invention, or willingness to do something else that is probably more worthwhile anyway (That's not to say I don't workout, go running, eat things, go to parties, hang out, read books, play sports, try to get gainful employment, etc). But I could definitely limit my internet usage. I could call an old buddy on the phone (maybe go through all my phone contacts and delete the ones that hate me, or that I will never call). I could read several books. I could get some friends together and do something crazy MORE often. I could learn a couple more Italian and Brazilian food recipes. I could go surfing more. I could work at a real job (pending me receiving an offer) more. I could bone up on my Spanish, make abstract sculptures out of scrap sheet metal, finger paint with my toes, butt and ears, or build a sailboat. All good options. Oh, and I used to write more poetry. I could get back to that.

BAM! Look at all the non-internet stuff that I can do! And you can do. As Captain Planet (the environmentalist brainwashing tool that tainted our youth) would say: "The power is YOURS!" Or as G.I. Joe would say: "Now you know. And knowing is half the battle." Or as Larry the Cable Guy would say: "Get R Done!"

(Oh Captain Planet, you've destroyed the minds of so many little children. And to little guy that says, "heart" - you were unfairly ridiculed)

Happy Fourth of July!: Independence vs. Dependence

Happy fourth of July! I hope you all are enjoying, or planning on enjoying some delicious BBQ with friends and family, then watching some fireworks somewhere (maybe even lighting of few of your own). But, let's not forget that while those things are fun, tasty, etc., they are not what this day is all about. This day is about independence. It is about freedom. It is about making a choice to believe in the unlimited capacity of the human spirit.

This is not dependence day. We do not need the government to provide us with internet, healthcare, retirement benefits, or anything but the opportunity to get those things ourselves. Tell me - was the iphone created because some lawmaker appropriated funds to some government entity and told them to create the world's coolest phone? Tell me - did the best computers in the world come about because of the government? Tell me - Did we become the largest, most innovative economy in the world because of government regulation and intervention? No. It was because of freedom. It was because our forefathers believed that private individuals live happiest and produce the most when they are not tethered to an oppressive government. That is why we separated from England!

In America everyone can be great. We encourage, and offer the opportunity from the bottom up, not top down. Stifling success to spread wealth and make everyone equal just lowers the quality of life and possibilities for everyone. However, letting people be free to innovate, create, be self-motivated, responsible, and allowing them to believe in themselves will make everyone prosperous. It has for 230 plus years. Let's maintain that trend.

God Bless America! Happy Birthday Lady Liberty!

Since I've Been Gone...

Today I am no longer calling my co-writers co-writers. I am calling them occasional contributors (those occasions possibly being Easter, Christmas, or when they take a new census in the US).

I am a lone man on the Satire Report. Even perhaps a lone wolf. 

Some interesting things to happen since my last post:

*The Chinese planted soybeans on the moon.

*Kim Jong Il turned into an immortal cyborg, using a nuclear reactor that was supposed to be used in a missile test.

*Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France 7 more times and then mooned French Reporters in Paris.

*Monkeys from Gibraltar have taken over the city, one has make himself 'Emperor of the Rock'.

*Joe Biden literally put both his feet in his mouth in a yoga class in downtown Wilmington.

*Nothing else happened.

Zesty Meatballs

Dear readers, I would like to invite all of you to become fans (if you are not already) of zesty meatballs. Perhaps some of you are vegetarians, or just don't like meatballs. Well, that's not the point. Zesty Meatballs need your support. Here's the link to the facebook fan page.

 

Support your local meatball.

Here is another post about zestiness.

and here's one on the philosophy of meatballs

and rather unclever nicknames like 'saucy meatball'

and the meatball lady's new economic opportunity.

Wading in the Velvet Sea

If you're wondering what I've been doing, here is the answer: I've been wading in the velvet sea. It's great. Nothing but velvet. And, I haven't been swimming, floating, or scuba diving in it. No, I have just been wading in it. You might think, "Well isn't that some metaphor for your unwillingness to commit to something?" No. I am involved in some highly committal wading. Velvet wading. It's a serious business. It's not for everyone. I mean, we're not talking water. This is velvet. Velvet shows no mercy. If you're not up to it, it can easily lull you into a coma. Not me though. I wade on, and invite you to wade with me (and Phish): 

Random Stories of Non-Laziness

Some of you might think to yourselves, "Man is that guy who writes the Satire Report lazy. He always wants his co-writers to fill in for him, and then decides to take an extended hiatus when Michael Jackson dies." Okay, maybe none of you were thinking that. Maybe you think it a lot (I mean, like every time MJ dies). Wait a second. I'm definitely not lazy. Some people only update their blogs once a month, or once a week. I do it almost daily. Emphasis on ALMOST. Ok. Random story time.

So I spent most of today making a little extra cash moving furniture, boxes, and pianos. Those of you who follow me on twitter know that. I'm sorry I'm repeating myself. I have also decided I will never become a professional mover. That piano was only a small one, but I could have easily been crushed or paralyzed. Fortunately I did not have to take it upstairs (only up and down from the truck and up and down a few front steps). But, maybe if I had professional mover gear I would've been able to save some of my strength (or back/shoulders/legs). Who knows? Movers probably. Oh, and I have now become more familiar with my friend Benjamin, so that's a plus.

But moving stuff wasn't enough. No. I decided to drive along the proposed bike route my Dad was plotting for some Boy Scouts. He printed out some directions from google maps, except they were only maps with a highlighted route, and as it turns out, did not show enough detail. Unfortunately I was the co-pilot, and so we took quite a few detours. Fortunately, one such detour took us by some pygmy horses (not ponies, my mother corrected me), and another detour got us all some slim jims and an odd assortment of nuts. My favorite detour, however, involved McDonald's. They have angus burgers now. And, I've found that other than being larger, they taste the same. McDonald's fail. But, it's McDonald's, so I guess I shouldn't have expected Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.

Ok, random stories over. Random pictures begin:

Well, you have to weigh them sometime.

Merman! Merman!

Every day man. Every day.

Without me it's only 'aweso'.

You can hear it just by looking at the picture.

Move over Dwight Howard (in some places this might be considered abuse - just like Obama swatting that fly).

Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett Dead.

Wow. Today has been a day of loss for American culture. The King of Pop, Michael Jackson died a little after 3:00pm PST. And, earlier today, former Charlie's Angels star Farrah Fawcett lost her long battle with cancer. 

The greater shock is about Michael's death. He was fifty and died of a sudden cardiac arrest, found in his home by one of his houseworkers. Details are sparse, but it is definitely a shock, as he was preparing for a huge comeback tour this summer.

Rest in peace both of you. Today we lost two great icons (regardless of your personal view of them). Their contributions to American, (and even world) culture were indeed great.