Are You Not Entertained?: Facetiousness and Waggishness

At times I think I put more into this blog than you do reader. I mean, it seems I just write, post videos and random pictures for your entertainment. Some might say, "But don't you love writing? Isn't your blog like some delicious daily therapy that makes you somehow into a better person?" To those people I say no. This blog is drivel. And no, I do not enjoy conjuring up drivel for you to lap up. Do I sound like I'm enjoying myself? Of course not. I'm having the worst time of my life. I'm on the verge of packing it in.

To those of you who are now shocked beyond question, maybe this isn't your kind of blog. That last paragraph was soaked thoroughly in gooey, marmalade sarcasm. Mmmm. Sarcasm. Sweet, sugary molasses. And, amazingly enough I have just broached the topic of today's post. Sarcasm.

This is sarcasm according to me, so please be as offended as you like. No one likes you anyway. You're extremely unattractive and smell bad. The best I could do was this picture to capture it:

If I could post smells I would.

Sarcasm is a tool. Just like your lungs, or a stapler (don't you tell me lungs aren't tools). Sarcasm can be used when life seems to suck, or if life is just overtly and disgustingly chipper. It also can be used when life is neither up nor down, when you are mired in a swamp or dank bog of mediocrity. So basically, sarcasm can be used all the time. 

The place where I was schooled in the art of sarcasm was in New England. And, more specifically, the south shore of Massachusetts. I have some fabulously uninteresting theories about why sarcasm abounds there like the drastic temperature and weather changes, the stubborn and genuinely crass and lovely individuals that live there, the Irish and preppy Waspish influence from the Southy to Cape Cod, and of course Lobstermen (or any maritime career), but I'm not going to do that (because I just did).

But, what is sarcasm? Well, in short, it's not just a tool, but a way of life. It's the art of making the best out of a bad situation, relationship, pair of pants, stained shirt, or seemingly pointless existence. Instead of getting down when things suck, or getting down when things are great, or getting down when things are neither, or getting down when you're on the dance floor and your favorite song is playing, you relish in the situation. Mock it. Trivialize it. Put it into perspective. If you are pissed off, and someone asks you how you are doing, smiling and saying, "I just won the lottery, and I'm going to waste it all at the dollar store," will make you feel better. I promise. And the other person might enjoy it. That's the other part of it. Using sarcasm is a social event. If no one gets it, you're probably just being bitter or stupid. Sarcastic remarks or anecdotes need to be witty, clever, sagacious even.

Now, I'm sure some of you have heard how damaging sarcasm can be. "It will rot your soul." "It is only used by people who are pathetic or unromantic." Well those people are absolutely right. Sarcasm is like a cancer that will kill you. Seriously. My favorite actor and cousin died of sarcasm. 

But, if you're really good at using it, you can trick sarcasm into killing itself, or someone else. So in that case I say use it frequently. Especially around inebriates or reprobates. 

THE END

Living with Awkward

Awkwardness. It happens. Some people say they relish in awkward moments. Some people are bothered by them. Either way, it happens. In ancient Greek folklore there was a goddess of awkward. Her name was Awkne. She managed to bungle things up whenever she spoke, acted, or even thought. And, whether or not the ancients were right, her awkward ways never left us.

However, for those who try to create awkward situations because they lack the wit, charm, or intelligence to maintain a conversation or be funny, I disrespect you. For those of you who are clever enough to make awkward situations just to watch other people writhe in anguish and confusion, I salute you. For those of you who just endure awkwardness as an occasional fact of life or as a constant companion, I feel for you.

I am not a fan of people who, because they feel uncomfortable or just cannot stand long silences randomly yell out, "AWKWARD!" It shows immaturity, and really ruins any semblance of normalcy the moment might have had. Guess what? It's okay to be quiet sometimes. It's also okay not to always know what to say. That's why we have the expression, "goes without saying" and the other, "there aren't words to describe it."

I do however, like to keep people on their toes. I like to get under people's skin sometimes. Tact is fun, but if you live your life as a superficial, single-layered, prude, your life isn't going to amount to more than a mess of pottage. So, I have on more than one occasion, taken someone aside and asked them a random, deep, thought-provoking question or done something absolutely zany and off the wall. I may or may not really know the person, but that's not the point. The point is to get a reaction. To see if the person is real. To elicit a response that is multi-layered and unpredictable. It is, in a way, a method for checking one's pulse. To see if they are indeed really human (Because if they are robots, we must know or we could all be dead).



And, lastly, for those of you who have to deal with awkwardness on a daily basis as if it were a genetic disease, I'm sorry. But, on perhaps a more positive note, you could be daemons, or the offspring of a God, being neither God, nor man. I am saying, in no uncertain terms, that you could in fact be a direct descendant of Awkne, goddess of awkward. And, that's not too shabby.

The Manly Man vs. The Goober

There are many different kinds of men in this world. There are manly men, nerds, geeks, and goobers to name a few. Of course there is a lot of cross over at times, but they can, and are quite often distinct. This post will talk about the sharp distinctions between the goober and the manly man, and how unwittingly woman are beguiled by the former.

A goober as I referred to in a prior post, "is a person who is socially inept, awkward, goofy, or strange. A goober is born this way and cannot be changed. While what they do and how they interact with people may be funny, it is rarely their intention to be funny. They make themselves the butt of jokes not by choice, but by just being themselves."

A manly man, as I referred to in this post, is far deeper and complete. He is full of confidence and poise. He is patient and understands the concepts of justice and sacrifice. He is not a mere technician who settles for a piece when he can have the whole. A manly man is an alpha-male.

The goober may be nice, and even have some special hidden talent with which he woos women, and for a time, that may be all he needs. Let's say he can play the guitar. But, beyond that guitar is nothingness. He may have memorized how to cook one meal from a foreign country even, but beyond that all he's got are stupid human tricks. Now, as nice as super human tricks are ladies, if you are confronted with a bear, a robber, or a gang of would be rapists, which would you prefer:

a) A man who can cross his eyes, rub his belly, and whistle yankee doodle - or -

b) A man who can break bad guys necks with the snap of his finger?

I won't answer that. I think you know the answer.

Now let's take a look at the profundity of the manly man.

A manly man knows when to be charming and articulate, and when to be quiet and deadly. He can talk about philosophy and love, and turn around and stare down a rabid wolf. He is self-assured, and deep. He can in fact say more without words than a goober can stuttering off hours of inane platitudes. He does not satisfy himself with superficial tricks, but learns instead to plumb the depths of his talents and inner-most self. He might for instance play a more obscure, but more beautiful instrument than the guitar, like perhaps the piano, or the violin. And, when he plays, his soul sings through the music.

In other words, this difference of depth between the goober and the manly man comes down to confidence. The manly man understands his innate self-worth and does not seek public praise or approval to validate himself. The goober on the other hand, doubts himself. He does not know who he is or where he is going.

However, initially it is easy to be fooled. Superficial charm and calculated witticisms can look an awful lot like the real thing. So, perhaps some of you entertain the prospect of the goober, because he could be a manly man if you give it time. No. A manly man is subtle and nuanced in his approach to romance. He is not over the top because he doesn't need to be. He doesn't need to shake his plumage to announce himself, because it is in plain sight. That's who he is.

Perhaps some of your have gone out with a goober and then come to the realization later, and wished you hadn't. Perhaps you are satisfied with goobers. I can't say. But, as they say, patience is a virtue, and it is one virtue that the goober does not have. The manly man on the other hand lives his life by that virtue. He understands what's important in life. He can wait, but will you?

For more interesting information check out this article.

Easily Entertained

There are many characteristics that we find admirable in a person. We admire wit, intelligence, grace, determination, ambition, style, choice in sweaters (or one's choice not to wear them), quality of smile, robustness of girth, and many more.

But one which is more often overlooked is the ability to be easily entertained. In essence, it is to be able to be satisfied with the trivial, silly, inane, or perhaps slapstick of life. It is to get over one's depth for the sake of good old shallowness. It is the joy to be found in the superficial (I think a lot of women can relate to this). So that no one feels slighted let me give some examples: pictures of puppies and kittens, flower arrangements, cell phone games (like bejeweled), reading comics, jumping in leaves, eating raw cookie dough, writing nonsensical poetry and/or blogs, watching pet fish, staring at a freshly painted wall, psychoanalyzing your sane friends, crossword puzzles, and bingo.

Now you may recall that I have written about our tendency to distract ourselves almost endlessly with distraction and how that can be bad. However, this case is slightly nuanced. To be able to entertain oneself with the trivial is a survival mechanism. It's not something we do to avoid the big questions, but rather something we do in the mean time. For instance, at a dinner party you're not going to go up to some random person you've never met and say, "Do you believe life begins at conception?" You most likely will start of with, "That gravy is delicious, reminds me of my mom's home cooking." Then of course you can take that start into a conversation about your inner-child, but most likely it will stay on the level of un-intrusive triviality.

My point is that a self-contained person is a good person. If you can entertain yourself with little stuff, you are healthy. It does not mean you are forever trapped in a puddle of meaninglessness, but it means you have the tact and relaxed enough attitude to splash and find joy in the puddle without calling that same puddle into question, or ceasing to believe there is an ocean. 

So friends, let us frolic.