To those of you who are now shocked beyond question, maybe this isn't your kind of blog. That last paragraph was soaked thoroughly in gooey, marmalade sarcasm. Mmmm. Sarcasm. Sweet, sugary molasses. And, amazingly enough I have just broached the topic of today's post. Sarcasm.
This is sarcasm according to me, so please be as offended as you like. No one likes you anyway. You're extremely unattractive and smell bad. The best I could do was this picture to capture it:
If I could post smells I would.
Sarcasm is a tool. Just like your lungs, or a stapler (don't you tell me lungs aren't tools). Sarcasm can be used when life seems to suck, or if life is just overtly and disgustingly chipper. It also can be used when life is neither up nor down, when you are mired in a swamp or dank bog of mediocrity. So basically, sarcasm can be used all the time.
The place where I was schooled in the art of sarcasm was in New England. And, more specifically, the south shore of Massachusetts. I have some fabulously uninteresting theories about why sarcasm abounds there like the drastic temperature and weather changes, the stubborn and genuinely crass and lovely individuals that live there, the Irish and preppy Waspish influence from the Southy to Cape Cod, and of course Lobstermen (or any maritime career), but I'm not going to do that (because I just did).
But, what is sarcasm? Well, in short, it's not just a tool, but a way of life. It's the art of making the best out of a bad situation, relationship, pair of pants, stained shirt, or seemingly pointless existence. Instead of getting down when things suck, or getting down when things are great, or getting down when things are neither, or getting down when you're on the dance floor and your favorite song is playing, you relish in the situation. Mock it. Trivialize it. Put it into perspective. If you are pissed off, and someone asks you how you are doing, smiling and saying, "I just won the lottery, and I'm going to waste it all at the dollar store," will make you feel better. I promise. And the other person might enjoy it. That's the other part of it. Using sarcasm is a social event. If no one gets it, you're probably just being bitter or stupid. Sarcastic remarks or anecdotes need to be witty, clever, sagacious even.
Now, I'm sure some of you have heard how damaging sarcasm can be. "It will rot your soul." "It is only used by people who are pathetic or unromantic." Well those people are absolutely right. Sarcasm is like a cancer that will kill you. Seriously. My favorite actor and cousin died of sarcasm.
But, if you're really good at using it, you can trick sarcasm into killing itself, or someone else. So in that case I say use it frequently. Especially around inebriates or reprobates.