Here is the new clinical definition for a goofball:
"A goofball is someone who enjoys being silly or ridiculous for comedic effect, or because they are under the influence of some mind-altering substance. Being a goofball is a choice, and quite often a temporary state that either lightens the mood or really perturbs people."
And, here is the new clinical definition for a goober:
"A goober is a person who is socially inept, awkward, goofy, or strange. A goober is born this way and cannot be changed. While what they do and how they interact with people may be funny, it is rarely their intention to be funny. They make themselves the butt of jokes not by choice, but by just being themselves."
This new clarification has now allowed many who for years have defended their gooberishness on the grounds of being a goofball to revert to medication as opposed to justifying their weirdness. Jared Beedenpopper, a notorious goober had this to say:
"People used to just think I was a goofball with limited exposure to me, but once they got to know me they saw that I was a straight-up goober. And now that the AMA has come out saying it's something I can't help, I get a lot of sympathy dates. Not only that, but I now take anti-goober pills."
Jared is not alone. Goobers across the country are finding new support groups and are even lobbying congress to provide more goober awareness at restaurants, shopping malls, biker bars, and even parties.
"I'm not afraid anymore. I'm a goober and I'm proud of it," said Jerome Cyngall, new friend of Jared, and founder of the goober-goofball alliance or Omaha.
The pro-goober movement is growing. However, not everyone is as sympathetic to their plight. George Rorty, a frequent tripper of goofballs, said he's had enough:
"These goobers are raining on my parade. It used to be cool, and even original to be a goofball. I used to spin on my head while wearing shoes on my hands while whistling yankee doodle. Occasionally I'd cross my eyes, wear a clown suit and picket against nuclear whales. But now no one cares. They think I'm one of them. They think I'm a goober."
The goober versus goofball battle seems to be heating up on some fronts. People who are generally normal, but like to be weird from time to time are fighting for their right to do so against a tide of goobers who are weird by their nature. Who will win? Only time will tell.