The Greatest Past Time: Sleeping

While you can be sure that baseball is a great past time, I would suggest there is an even better one. One that many people seem only to be able to dream about while awake. This marvelous past time I refer to is sleeping. It is truly a difficult one to master for many. There are however, many child prodigies out there who seem to drop their heads, close their eyes, and start REM at will. What is their secret? Why do so many people who enjoy the past time have such difficultly mastering it?

Well, it's the same as baseball. There are only so many Jake Peavys, Pedro Martinezes, Alberto Pujols and Babe Ruths. In fact, some of our greatest sleepers come around only once in a generation. Some of our greatest sleepers are, however, unfortunately less appreciated and far more scrutinized than anyone entering the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. Those who have this amazing God given skill to sleep and sleep well are often called lazy and unproductive. Usually, I would suggest, out of jealousy. Why can we not appreciate it? Because we want it for ourselves. We cannot enjoy a sleeper's gift the way we can a great baseball player's gift. But, perhaps in the near future, with all those crazy dream and sleep scientists out there, we will be able to experience the beautiful sleep of a true sleeper. Sure, we'll have to be conscious to enjoy their subconsciousness, but hey, it's a step in the right direction.

With greater empathy and insight we might even be able to posthumously admire the former sleeping greats. Here are a few: Ben Franklin, Ronald Reagan, King George III, Harriet Tubman Jimmy Kimmel, Franck Bouyer, Harold M. Ickes, and Lenny Bruce. You may have noticed that some of them are not dead. Even better. We can still appreciate them and further the great past time of sleeping with stars of today.

Here is a link explaining some of these famous narcoleptic's challenges.

Shameless Promotion

There comes a time when we must question our motives. We all do lots of different things, some consciously, others almost by reflex. Well, some of you might wonder at times why I write so religiously on this blog. I am devout. Perhaps at times even more devout than some Hasidic Jews are to the Torah or Talmud. Well, there are many reasons why I blog, but I guess it would be best to let the cat out of the bag. I blog so I can promote my blog. 

I mean, if I didn't ever write anything, how in the world would you expect me to promote it? It reminds me of the movie Tommy Boy, where Tommy (played by Chris Farley) says, "Hey, I can take a sh*t in a box and stamp it guaranteed, but what are you buying? A guaranteed piece of sh*t, that's what you are buying." I have to have something to sell before I start selling. If I just kept throwing up the URL to my blog on twitter and facebook all the time while linking it to a page with a hamster running around on a wheel, people would start to get restless. They might even work up the nerve to buy their own wheels and run around in them to get out all their angst. So, instead of allowing that to happen, I write stuff. Is it good? Well, I'd say there's a chance. 

Like in Dumb and Dumber when Lloyd (Jim Carrey) asks Mary (Lauren Holly) what the chance would be of a guy like him getting with a girl like her. She responds, "One in a million," to which he responds, "So you're saying there's a chance?" 

So I write stuff. However, even more interesting than writing stuff, is promoting it. And, if I'm going to promote it, I might as well do it shamelessly. With that I mean ubiquitously and like a used car salesman. I don't just write on twitter or my facebook status, "Check out my blog, I wrote stuff." I write something more along the lines of: "Giant mutant rabbit attacks President Obama while he sells radioactive golf clubs on eBay," which of course actually happened.

But, beyond just promotion of my blog, I have, on more than one occasion told and even encouraged people to click on the advertisements on this blog. You might think my rationale for doing that is because I make more money. That's simply not true. I do it because every ad you click creates more jobs. You are supporting the economy, and perhaps even saving the world. One click at a time people. You can make a difference. And on that note, click on the ads, visit their sites, buy their stuff, and read my blog like it's water after a marathon. Read it like it's oxygen after holding your breath for 30 seconds. Read it like it's the cure for whatever ails you, because, it is.

The Humanity of a Baboon

Baboons.

We rarely think of them, and when we do it is in a trifle and demeaning way. If our friend or sibling does something untoward or infantile, we might call him or her a baboon. Well, perhaps no longer.

A new study from San Diego State University claims that baboons have more humanity than we give them credit for. In fact, they might even be more human than we are ourselves. Head researcher for SDSU Dr. Julie Hammond said:

"I know as humans we generally find staring rude, but baboons have taken it to another level. If you stare at a baboon it is seen as a threat. He'll kill you. Perhaps that sounds draconian, but baboons seem to be more socially conscious and polite because of it."

The main baboon in the study goes by the name of Rupert. And, just to mess with him, this reporter stared at him from behind. After about 15 seconds Rupert lashed out and began banging ruthlessly on the cage.

"Rupert is a special baboon. He has a sixth sense when it comes to people staring at him. He can tell from a mile away. He can even tell if some inanimate object is staring at him. Why, just last week he put the smack down on his stuffed teddy bear," said Dr. Hammond.

When I asked Julie why Rupert is alone in a cage by himself she said:

"Rupert is a little beyond the curve for baboons when it comes to reinforcing social norms. He's so human-like in that respect."

When I pushed her further she said:

"He got a funny look from his grandmother. We called her Miss Loulou. He ate her alive and then urinated on her dead body."

That being said, I thanked Dr. Hammond and decided not to stare at Rupert again. But, to show that there was no hard feelings, I left him a banana. Rupert shrieked at me.

"Oh, he's allergic to bananas. And he got into a fight with one last week," said Dr. Hammond.

Living our dreams

I live my own dreams.

It's perhaps just the luck of the draw. Some are destined to dream their dreams and only dream of living them. There are also those who dream real dreams, believe they are but dreams, soften the edges of those dreams, and chase the shadow. Then there are those who live them.

We all dream.

We cannot avoid it, and even if you believe you do not, you're only deceiving yourself. When you wake up from a dream and can't remember it, it doesn't mean it didn't happen. Even if all you remember is closing your eyes and waking up, you dreamt while sleeping. However, when we dream, our conscious mind and subconscious mind synthesize a fantastic world of abject horror and unfathomable jubilation. The real world (or what we would like to believe is real) is a muddling in between those two extremes. But it is with the help of this muddle that we are able to see the extremes. Our dreams are a composition of the glorified muddle.

But it is that composite that gives us hope. Perhaps not a particular subconscious REM romp, but our hopes, dreams, and aspirations. They come from within us and without us. They give us something to strive for. Something that we might become, or attain. And, we must give them life. We cannot allow them to remain mystical mental illusions. We must live them.

It's something that I've done all my life. Of course there have been exceptions, but on the whole, if I have a dream, or aspiration, I put myself to work to attain it. If I want to sing a duet for someone's wedding, I do it. If I want to write a great philosophic work, I do it. If I want to travel the world, I do it. Sitting on my hands was never an option. It allows a meaningless reality to consume me. Our reality does not have to be meaningless, and we can consume it.

Live your dreams.

Inebriate Life

Sobriety is overrated. 

Some of the best art, music, and literature all came about while the author was semi-conscious, inebriate, high, doped up, or otherwise encumbered. That is not to say I condone making oneself delirious with illicit substances, but what it does mean is that I do not fear it, and recognize that it even happens with those who consider themselves "sober." Just think about it. If you're really tired, you're body starts to act as if it were drunk. Your speech becomes slurred; everything is funny; you're more relaxed; your social inhibitions start to fade. And, it's not a bad thing.

How many times have you woken up in the middle of the night with a fabulous idea, only to discover the next day that it was nonsensical or only half-conceived? 

But, on the other hand, sometimes those ideas are brilliant. There is a small path and gateway in between the conscious and subconscious mind. One side makes the other relevant, and both can act in a limited but ingenious concert. 

I write my best poems at night after just going to sleep. I solve logistical life problems often after being konked out a little while. So, in my less than sober insomniac state, I solve the seemingly insolvable problems of the conscious "real world." 

And, sometimes its just fun to ride a magic rocket ship with your dragon friends.

Lucid Dreaming

I don't know how many of you have thought about today's subject, but I know I have. I've read about it, talked about it, and lived it subconsciously. Lucid Dreaming. What is it you ask? Well, it can occur when you are in a subconscious state, most likely in REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Generally, when you are in a deep sleep and are dreaming, you are not necessarily in control of your dream. A lot of times (at least for me) images, people, places, and stories unfold before you and you are the main actor, a spectator, or an extra who does some B acting.

However, lucid dreaming is the power to control your dreams. And, to be honest, I've only had limited success. It's hard to be in a subconscious state and somehow consciously tell yourself, "this is a dream, you are still in control," without waking yourself up or messing up the dream. So it is a tightrope walk. But, the cool part about it is when you are in the middle of a nightmare, fantasy, or relaxing stroll on the beach with a would be lover, you can will yourself to fly, be an awesome dancer, say the perfect line, save the world, or build a spaceship with leaves. It is a realm where you are the master.

Sleep is just as critical to survival as breathing, eating, and exercising your mind and body. Sleep allows your body to rebuild, replenish, and make sense of the conscious world. When you sleep (and sleep well, I might add) your brain is working overtime. Picture millions of construction workers taking down and putting up scaffolds, painting walls, making new rooms, organizing furniture, buying new appliances, working on the plumbing and electricity. All the while, you haven't left the house. You are watching your mind process and organize information and create new ideas. You can't take a vacation from yourself. And that is the beauty of it. Even though you are right in the thick of it, you are resting. You are only partially understanding what is going on, and are only partially in control. It is the dreamworld, and it is fascinating. With lucid dreaming however, you can gain more control, and make your dreams more productive, interesting, and perhaps solve riddles and enigmas that bug you in the conscious world. We all have potential, and I won't say that it's limitless, but is sure could be greater than we know.