Hello Person

Hello person who is reading this. I bet you don't get a personal "hello" every time you read a blog. But that's because this is a different kind of blog, and you're a different kind of person. Most likely the kind that I do not know. Or maybe I know you, but only vaguely. Or maybe I know someone who looks like you, but we'll probably never know that because you're reading this and I'm not actually talking to you in person. And don't think it's going to happen on skype either.

So back to you.

What do you think of this?:You're welcome. And it's not even Christmas.

The Weird Mystery of Random Friends

Mysteries.

Weird Mysteries.

They happen. Here's one: So I'm scrolling through my facebook friend's list and I start to see a bunch of random names. Then I click on the names or profile pictures to see who these strange "new" friends are. Then I see the picture. Generally it involves a wedding dress, possibly some cake being stuffed into someone's mouth, and generally under their "relationship status" it says they are married to some guy with the same last name.

My theory:

These people have some taboo predilections. Marrying someone with the same last name? I mean, I won't outright call it incest, but I'm not going to say it isn't. And why on earth are we friends? I did know someone named Talika Rosen, but I DO NOT know a Talika Fairchild. Actually, come to think of it, I do not know ANY Talika. AAAAaaah! (I never know how to write that so that it comes out as a blood-curdling scream and not a refreshing sound you make when you just pop open a cold beverage).

Here's another strange discovery. While I seem to be gaining all of these "new" friends, the number of overall friends does not increase. AND...if that weren't enough, some of my "old" friends have seemingly disappeared.

My theory:

These "new" friends are probably aliens, cyborgs, or alien cyborgs who have used some voodoo magic to tap into my facebook friends list. They are probably also body snatchers and have taken my "old" friends to some weird, sketchy, alien laboratory to harness the power of their names (and consequently their souls).

Sounds reasonable.

There are never enough tow trucks.

They love each other so much.

Probably not too hard to force that cake down.

"Random guy next to groom tries to distract him with cake while he runs off with bride"

10 Ways to be Successfully Lame

Here is a list of 10 ways to be successfully lame:

1. Rake up your neighbor's leaves, put them in your yard, and then leave them there all winter.

2. Write a blog post describing 10 ways you can be successfully lame.

3. Tousle your hair with gel or wax into some random position just because you can.

4. Don't go to a friend's party because 'You don't feel like it,' or because you want to go to another party with a bunch of random people you don't know or care about.

5. Abscond with someone's forks and don't give them back for a month, and never, at any point claim responsibility even when they know it was you.

6. If you have a name other than Bill, rename yourself Bill.

7. Make a habit of smelling your feet all the time. If they smell gross, do it again.

8. Shoot down anyone's idea of fun (This includes any time anyone suggests anything that does not involve chilling).

9. Lease or buy a car way out of your price range (Preferably an import). Hock family heirlooms if possible.

10. Don't read this.

December 18th: A day in Pictures

Today I am posting a bunch of random pictures. Some might be weird, funny, stupid or all of the above. Enjoy:

First Section - Weird/Crazy People:

Yikes. Baby mad.

I don't even know.

You all remember this episode (It could happen to any of us).

Great Wig.

French kissing your pet chameleon (totally your prerogative)

And now the section of random monkeys:

That one monkey seems genuinely concerned about the other's obesity problem.

This monkey wears glasses and sports a chain.

Section of random inanimate objects and bad signage:

Well that's unfortunate (and it was ironically David Beckham's car)

This tree looks a lot like a woman (tree nymph maybe).

Thank you for the warning.

I really don't know what to say.

A lego version of Stephen Hawking

Soon to be my favorite book.

The cat section:

Sucker.

Hahaha. Life as we know it is over.