Showing posts with label social. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social. Show all posts

Monday, June 13, 2011

Extreme Sandwich Eating

While some people are naturally inclined to believe that anything extreme is bad, crazy, reckless, stupid, careless, etc. I, on the other hand am inclined to believe otherwise. At least, in the case of eating sandwiches.

Yes. Eating a sandwich can be extreme. I'm not talking about eating a sandwich made out of plutonium, or eating a pig foot sandwich in downtown Jerusalem, but rather, eating seemingly normal sandwiches, in less than normal circumstances. Allow me to provide an example.

This past weekend I visited Yosemite National Park. It's my favorite park and it is a beautifully magnificent place. And, consequently, an ideal location for extreme sandwich eating. And, as it so happened, I had a magnificent sandwich made by my favorite butcher Albert. So, I declared to all that would listen (the one other person in the car with me), that I would eat my sandwich under a waterfall. So we went to Bridal veil falls, got soaked, and I ate my sandwich. And, wouldn't you know, it was delicious. Did the bread get soggy? Yes. Did it start to fall apart a little? Yes. Would I have traded that experience for anything? Possibly. But, I would not have traded it for eating a sandwich at a table.

And so I challenge you readers. Eat sandwiches. Eat lots of them. And do it in crazy places while doing crazy things. Here is a list of ideas for the non-creative normal people who read this blog:

Playing scrabble in a tree with a capuchin monkey
Riding a unicycle with an eye patch
Walking the plank after being captured by Somali pirates
Riding a horse backwards with a funny hat
On a pogo stick with a "little person" on your shoulders

None of the following situations qualify:




PS - "Little person" is the unfortunate political correct term for people who suffer from dwarfism. Typically I would use the word midget, but I am cow-towing to social pressure.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

New Study: Eating ice is good for you

After a ten year study scientists and dentists alike from the Smile Happy Council have come to the conclusion that eating ice is not so bad. In fact, eating ice can be a good thing for your health. Some of the reasons cited were as follows:

* Eating ice reduces boredom 
* Eating ice also improves jaw strength
* Eating ice reduces stress
* (Most dentists agree) Even if the ice breaks your teeth, they can be fixed for a nominal fee 
* Eating ice can be a good way to start social interactions with people you do not know
* Eating ice can be a good way to get people's attention
* Eating ice is great for movie sound effects
* If you are agitated at a loved one, eating ice near their ear is a creative way to reprimand

The study had a sample size of 15,000 ice eaters and 15,000 non-ice eaters and was carried outfrom 1999 to 2009. Dr. Klenners, who led the study, had this to say:

"Ice eating has been in my family for generations. It's a family past time really. I started the study to see if it had benefits and to dispel myths about eating ice. I think the results are going to surprise some people. Now instead of 'an apple a day' people might start with 'a tray of ice cubes a day.' It's just wonderful. And such a social activity. I even do it with my dog."
The team who worked on the study highlighted the importance of social interaction with ice eating. Of all the 15,000 ice eaters studied, only 5% said they did it in private. One such outlier, Bob Barnes had this to say:

"I'm ashamed of the way it crunches. Everybody stares at me. I usually just grab a tray of ice and munch it in the closet. That way their beady little eyes aren't glaring at me or my ice."

It was also determined that Mr. Barnes is somewhat of a schizophrenic. Most people who ate ice did so in public so they could share with friends and "spread the joy" of eating ice to those they loved. Some scientists thought this might be a subliminal type of indoctrination strategy, but Margaret Johansen, ice eater extraordinaire, had this to say:

"Eating ice takes the edge off for me. It's like eating something and punching a wall at the same time. That, and if I eat it just before eating super frozen ice cream it makes the experience so much easier. I also love having friends over when I eat ice. We can all sit around in a circle and vent with a bowl of ice in the middle. The crunch soothes as we let it all out."

Margaret's story was in fact not all that uncommon. While women in the study connected their ice eating to stress reduction, men tended to do it because it was "fun" or "crunchy." Sam Steuer, a Packers fan, said, 

"Eating ice is awesome. It's like eating rocks made of water....frozen water. And, when me and my buddies get together for tailgating at Lambeau field sometimes all we have to drink...er...eat is buckets of ice. It's what makes us men."

The new evidence of the social, physical, and psychological benefits of eating ice are astounding. Over time the Smile Happy Council hopes to push more ice onto the menus of public schools, local franchise restaurants, and make it more available at grocery stores. Certain wholesale food companies are already toying with the idea of novelty ices with fun shapes like penguins and balloons. Where it all will lead, nobody knows, but, happy chewing!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The illusion of neutrality: Gay Marriage

Ok, I am going to take a slight detour from the typical satirical hilarity for a moment to give a little social commentary. I hope to make it brief and elicit some good responses.

I've been mulling over the issues of freedom of religion and individual liberty and how the state fits into it all for sometime. Issues that you might recall as being particularly divisive and even polemic are prayer in schools, the pledge of allegiance, and gay marriage. The one that has lately received the most attention is the latter. California's proposition 8 was covered a great deal by the press, and it's almost all I've heard any significant conversation revert to in recent weeks. For those of you who either live under a rock, in a shack in northern Canada, or are no longer living, Prop 8 was a legal amendment to California's state constitution that defined marriage legally between a man and a woman.

Even with Obama carrying the state of California, and California being a blue state since the 1980s, the Proposition was ratified with a 52%-48% vote. It was a tighter vote than it was for similar laws in Florida and Arizona because it was California, and because California's gay community is much more vocal, numerous and affluent than in those states. The proposition's acceptance makes California the 30th state in the union to enact a law defining marriage between a man and a woman (so this is not some amazing fluke).
Now here's where I'm going to weigh in. The argument of the gay community and those who are calling for equality claim that religious institutions like the LDS (Mormon) Church and the Catholic Church are trying to impose their morality on them. Well, I do not disagree. They are. It is in their interest to do so. The state is what allows them to operate on a legal basis. If the state sanctions gay marriage it affects the status of any LDS or Catholic institution, be it a private high school, a hospital, or a university. The government could quite easily tell the churches that they could not discriminate on sexual orientation, and could also tell the church they must marry homosexuals or be deprived tax exempt status, or be completely shut down for being unfair. But, lest we forget there are other rights at stake here.

The state sanctioning gay marriage limits the religious community's right to practice as it chooses. So it is freedom of religion versus freedom of the individual. But many people are led to believe that we can get along fine with a "live and let live" society. Or, in other words, whatever my neighbor does and believes is fine and equally valid as what I believe. The problem inherent in that sort of delusion is that both cannot be equally valid. If that were the case, neither would be worth a trough of pig feed. There need to be moral lines that our government draws. When people say, "morality doesn't belong in politics" they neglect the fact that by imposing this idea of a false neutrality, they are imposing a morality. 

It's the same as saying science can self-regulate. People believe that it is completely objective and neutral. However, if science were truly neutral, then it would need a guiding force outside of itself to help it decide what, how, when, and why it studies what it does on a moral basis. And, I would argue that it does. However, there are certain scientists, be them sociologists, biologists, or astrophysicists who believe that science should be autonomous from moral questions and philosophy. Well, as soon as it becomes autonomous, it must create its own morality, which, in the case of science is efficiency and predictability. Its morality becomes utilitarian. It begins to assign value to life based on utility (and I don't think I need to elucidate the path where that leads).

So how does this affect the gay marriage question? Quite simply. The argument that religion is imposing its values and beliefs on society and the state are valid, but so is the argument in the converse. By allowing gay marriage, the state is putting a moral stamp on that particular lifestyle choice (I know that's a can of worms because there are those who do not choose to be gay), and saying that it is on par with heterosexual marriage. This permits the state to limit the freedom of religions within their own sphere, and allows public entities like schools and state agencies to impose the gay marriage view on those who enter in them. 

For instance, Kindergardeners would be required to learn about alternate lifestyles and that Steve and his partner Dan are completely within their moral right to have a child, and are a happy wholesome family. Gender roles, and traditional family are no longer concrete. Children run home to their parents with questions like, "I thought families have a mommy and daddy, but at school they say you can have two daddies. Why don't I have two daddies?" Of course the parents can educate and reassure their children with their own private moral view, but the influence of the state has a dramatic effect on the children. The ability for the parents to teach and be responsible for the upbringing of their children is undermined. There is no way to opt out of this type of education. It is the law.

What gay marriage does is it denies freedom at the cost of "equality." But, it is not the only place that this is happening. The push to equality at all costs leads to an ever stronger, more powerful, centralized state. People who are unequal mentally, physically, monetarily all believe they have a fair grievance, and the only one who can flatten society is government. 

This tendency ignores the fact that people are different. Some are born smart, some are born stupid. Some are born with athletic prowess, others are not. Some are born to wealthy parents, others are not. These are things that differentiate us. Is it fair that Michael Jordan was an amazing basketball player, and I am not? No. But I don't want the government to change it. And, not to jump into another can of worms, but with biotechnology and eugenics, soon I may be able to have designer children who can jump higher, run faster, learn more, and be greater people. Of course this would be expensive, and it wouldn't be just and equal only for the wealthy to be able to have designer kids, so the government would subsidize gene therapy and enhancement. But then, after everyone's children were maximized, everyone would be the same. There would be nothing more that could be done to equalize. We'd be a bunch of identical, un-individuals. And yeah, that's what I want.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The new ELITE

For me, those who have the most money are not elite. Those who are old are not elite. Those who are physically attractive are not elite. To be elite one must make the most sense. That does not leave out those who are not as bright, and that does not leave out the smarties either. If you make more sense than most people, you're in.

Now here's the problem: What makes sense to me might not make any sense to you. To avoid this relativistic problem, I'm going to say what makes sense to me trumps your take. Always. I think it's a good assumption.

Here's another part of it: If you make sense to me on most things you're in. Total agreement is not attainable.

I wanted to make a list of the new elite, but I don't want to get any angry letters from people who do not want to be on it or vice versa, so I'll just throw out some initials, and you can just assume they are yours (PS - this is not an all-inclusive list):

SM, BC, MM, RM, JR, EJ, RS, RM, KM, PR, LM, JD, SN, MH, JM, CP, KM and IM