Sunday, February 1, 2009

25 Reasons I will not play the '25 Things about you' game

Some of you in the blogosphere and facebook may be aware, or may have already succumbed to the temptation of playing the '25 things about you' game. It's sad. Most of those 25 things were probably things you should have kept to yourself and close friends, instead of posting them all over your blog or facebook. I refuse to make a list and tag people like so many of those ridiculously annoying email chain letters that say, "Send this email to five friends and your crush will like you, send it to 15 and your crush will love you, send it to all your friends and you and your crush will be married within the week." But, I do have the time, patience and wherewithall to post 25 reasons why I will not post 25 reasons.

1. I never do anything embarrassing.
2. When things happen to me that are cool and I share them, other people feel bad because they realize that their existence is meaningless.
3. I have eaten things I shouldn't have, and I have no regrets, but I refuse to be told that I have to have any of the eskimos removed from the shark I ate.
4. I was not fat as a child, and I'm sorry if you were. See a therapist.
5. I'm too busy doing unimportant things to read your list, so I'm not going to guilt other people into reading mine.
6. I like the same music as you, have all the same favorite foods as you, and am actually your identical twin.
7. Lists of 25 are not divisible by 3. That's unacceptable.
8. I am running out of ideas and I'm on number 8. Now imagine doing it yourself.
9. I am pretty sure most of the lists people write are chock full of exaggerations, BS, and things to make others laugh, and, I hate laughter. It's the worst.
10. If you thought stepping in dog poo was bad, think about how hard it is to clean BS off your eyeballs after reading it. 
11. Every one of the 25 things on my list would be easily made into a screenplay for a blockbuster.
12. Billy Idol told me not to make the list.
13. I like chicken (This reason is more relevant than you know).
14. In the list of contract violations in my hiring agreement for being a Teacher's Assistant, the 25 list thing is number two after sexual harassment. 
15. This '25 things about you' game is the first step into entering a social networking cult closely affiliated with worshipping dolphins and eating only halibut.
16. I like halibut too much to resist its smelly innuendos and fishy pick up lines.
17. Making lists of 25 things about yourself increases your chances of getting a brain tumor, pancreatic cancer, marfans syndrome, and the heeby jeebies by 700 percent.
18. This list is sufficiently self-indulgent. Another one would cause my implosion, and we don't need another black hole.
19. Lists usually get progressively boring as you read them (for example, see this reason)
20. I care about you enough to ask you to stop before you unnecessarily defame yourself in front of millions of people online from Singapore and China (They also use the lists to pick out who would make a better slave to kidnap).
21. Predatory Walmart greeters will stalk you if you make one of these lists.
22. You will be labeled as a spammer for the rest of your life, even if you don't like spam and have never been to Hawaii.
23. The children will cry.
24. You will never get to return to Narnia.
25. You will choke on oatmeal when no one is around and the Walmart greeters dressed in nothing but Walmart bags will put stickers all over your face.

6 comments:

jack hadley said...

Michael... Thanks for making my day. I have received several of those lists from friends... was actually thinking of doing it. Thanks for bringing me to my senses.

squirrelyearl said...

As I told you last night, love it. I especially love reason number 10. Man those lists are worthless...

Erin The Great said...

I totally did it. Mostly because I was extremely bored and I didn't post anything that everyone doesn't already know... like my love for Tuna Casserole... That's black mail worthy. Anyway, boredom does weird things to me :)

Megan said...

Personally I feel that people who do the "25 things about me" game are just attention starved.. Or people who love attention and want everyone to know everything about them. I don't fit either of those descriptions and I try not to associate with people who fit those descriptions. Thank you for refusing. Oh, and it's true.. You will get AID and die if you play the 25 game.

Jessie said...

you're officially crazy :)

Michael Powers said...

I appreciate the compliment Jessie.