This is what I first had written in my facebook status:
Michael knows the devil rays* are the spawn of Satan.
Here was a reaction:
Friend: oh come now...don't hate...appreciate...
Me: Can't do it [Friend]. I'm rooting for the Phils.
Friend: I'm rooting for the Phillies too, but that's because I will cheer for any team in the Mid-Atlantic or the northeast in general, sans the Yankees and the Patriots before I cheer for Tampa Bay.
Me: That's good.
Friend: I should note that I forgot to include the Red Sox in the sans category...sorry, no real love for New England.
Me: Well, at least you're not pro-Tampa Bay
After that I decided to change my status. This is what I changed it to:
Michael felt that he should change his status to something less provocative: A Ray killed Steve Irwin, and I didn't cheer then either.
Here are the responses (on direct, the other in conversation)
Friend 2: Ha ha ha! That's awesome!
Conversation with friend 3:
Status of Friend 3: Friend 3 is starting the revolution.
Me: I will join your revolution.
Friend 3: thank you and I love your status.
Me: That status is for everyone in New England and so the world hates the Rays for the atrocities they have committed.
Friend 3: it's true. serious sin.
Me: yes. Egregious. They need to confess to the Bishop.
Friend 3: bastards. are they even any true rays fans? I feel like it was a bigger deal that we lost than they are in it
Me: I agree. They only have bandwagon fans with silicon chests and faces.
Friend 3: and botox lips.
Me: and fake bake tans and laser-removed hairless bodies
Friend 3: jerks.
If only it ended there. My brother and I talked about how good a metaphor it was. We are and will always be Steve Irwin (the croc hunter) devotees, and were devastated when he died. We are just as devoted to the Red Sox. Therefore, we think it fair to say that the Red Sox were just as savagely taken from us by the same perpetrator: Rays.
I refuse to even look at them at the aquarium.
* They changed the name this year to Rays, omitting the word "Devil" probably due to some irked fundamentalists.
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3 comments:
Can't deny that the name changed seemed to work for them. I know they also used the name change to "Rays" as more of an ambiguous kind of thing because they were talking about some cheesy nonsense how they're a "ray of light" and junk like that. Guess if it gets them a world series they've done something right. Now if only they can put some bodies in the stands on a regular basis.
Whoo-hoo! I was quoted in a post on the Satire Report! My life is complete!
I doubt the Rays will sell out more than a couple times next year, and mostly because they'll offer free KFC and beer at the Trop.
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