Sunday, June 1, 2008
Getting Mad at Inanimate Objects
So just the other day I was sitting in my living room as is my custom, when I heard slightly muffled, but certainly audible man screams coming from the room behind me. The wall could not contain the tremors and I had to go investigate. Upon opening the door to the room I saw my brother, befuddled and upset at an inanimate object. Of course it was no ordinary inanimate object. It was a microphone. A blue USB mic that he had gotten me for Christmas. It had/has been giving me trouble since he got it. Sure it records stuff, but to get even moderately mediocre sound one must crank up the volume levels on both the recording software of choice and on the computer's settings. So, when I saw him enraged by this inanimate hellish fiend I thought it was well justified.
There are many other great stories and reasons to get angry at inanimate objects. And, believe me, it makes a lot more sense than you think. You see, getting mad at inanimate objects doesn't hurt anyone. You don't break any hearts, lose sleep, or create any feuds. You generally can resolve it quickly by one or two ways: annihilate by the inanimate object by awesome force, or give it to someone you don't like. The third way is only a pipe dream: Fix the inanimate object. To be honest, if you are already yelling at it, it probably is beyond fixing.
With that said, I think another great way to get out excess energy is to make a rumpus room (remember the book 'Where the Wild Things Are'? They knew all about rumpus rooms). Fill it with glass bottles, vases, lamps and teetering furniture. Then, by the entrance, have a case full of louisville sluggers (one for each day of the week), and when you are feeling very upset, or full of energy with no other way to expend it, go to town on the inanimate objects because, you know they deserve it.