Word of the Day: Utensil

Word of the day: Utensil

uten·sil
Pronunciation:
\yu̇-ˈten(t)-səl, ˈyü-ˌ\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Middle English, vessels for domestic use, from Middle French utensile, from Latin utensilia, from neuter plural of utensilis useful, from uti to use
Date:
14th century
1 : an implement, instrument, or vessel used in a household and especially a kitchen
2 : a useful tool or implement

When I hear utensil, it sounds like a slur or a put down. It's like "You Tensil!" And, I have no idea what tensil means, but it sure sounds vicious.

Another thing about utensil is how it's overused. It's like the use of the word utensil all of a sudden makes you an erudite sophisticate. For instance, you're sitting there in a class, or at work and you turn to a friend and say, "Do you by chance have a writing utensil?" You might as well be wearing a tuxedo rolling down the window of your stretch limo asking for grey poupon.

However, in another way, you can sound very utilitarian, economic, and even efficient when you say, "Would you please get out the utensils to set the table?" In that way, you use the word instead of silverware, which everyone knows is more posh and dignified.

Hope you enjoyed that rather unnecessary diagnosis. You Tensil!

Outlawed: The word 'poop'

Outlawed: In the state of Utah, the word 'poop'.

This means that all people who need to defecate must use another word. If one must go to the bathroom, apparently one of the only permissible ways to say it is, "May I go to the bathroom?".

However, it is unclear whether it is permissible or politically correct to say "pinch a loaf," or "drop a deuce," or even "drop the Cosby kids off at the pool." However, what we do now know is that saying the word 'poop' in public is no longer permitted. Anyone caught saying it may be exposed to abject humiliation, fines, and possible jail time. The legislature deemed the word 'unsatisfactory' and gave it a subpar rating on their 'word appropriateness scale.' Other words and phrases receiving similarly poor ratings were: gryphendor, high school musical, potty, jamer ramers, flippin', and frickin'.


Vigilante enforcement is encouraged by local police and other law enforcement personnel. Recommended methods are bludgeoning via spoon, squeegee, or rolls of duct tape or eating all of their snack food. Rewards for certain at large menaces exceed $500.

Billy Madison would be pleased.