Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Outlawed: The word 'poop'

Outlawed: In the state of Utah, the word 'poop'.

This means that all people who need to defecate must use another word. If one must go to the bathroom, apparently one of the only permissible ways to say it is, "May I go to the bathroom?".

However, it is unclear whether it is permissible or politically correct to say "pinch a loaf," or "drop a deuce," or even "drop the Cosby kids off at the pool." However, what we do now know is that saying the word 'poop' in public is no longer permitted. Anyone caught saying it may be exposed to abject humiliation, fines, and possible jail time. The legislature deemed the word 'unsatisfactory' and gave it a subpar rating on their 'word appropriateness scale.' Other words and phrases receiving similarly poor ratings were: gryphendor, high school musical, potty, jamer ramers, flippin', and frickin'.

Vigilante enforcement is encouraged by local police and other law enforcement personnel. Recommended methods are bludgeoning via spoon, squeegee, or rolls of duct tape or eating all of their snack food. Rewards for certain at large menaces exceed $500.

Billy Madison would be pleased.


Ben Arkell said...

In this age of technology in which we know live, Utah being at the very center as well, I think it is most correct and with the times to refer to a trip to the bathroom for #2 as "logging out". Let me use that in a sentence for you. "My stomach is hurting, so I need to go log out".

Michael Powers said...

That is a very good point. I will always use that term from now on.