Wishing you a happy bday from Facebook

By now you should be familiar with Facebook. It is the soul-swallowing leviathan of online social networking. And yes, it has swallowed my soul. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I'm not alone. This brings comfort and distress. But, there are good things that come from Facebook. 

One good thing is that for some people, the only benefit to being my Facebook friend is getting a happy birthday wall post once a year. That is a boon. Having actual meaningful more commonplace interaction would be stifling. The 'happy bday' wall post is my classic way of saying, "I can read the reminder list on the right side of my home page and type in all lowercase one and a half words and click my mouse once." But some people are more blessed than others in this bestowal of positive birthday wishes. For people I don't know all that well, or let's be honest, don't care too much about, I usually just write "happy bday," copy and paste it and post it on the next wall of a similar acquaintance. However, for those people who I actually know and love I might even write something like, "Happy birthday John," or "Hope you have a good one chief." As you can see, in both of these instances I actually capitalize some letters, and even write a complete sentence. The message is individualized with the name, or an endearing pseudonym like 'chief,' 'slugger,' 'tiger,' or 'kiddo.'

The yearly birthday wish may seem trivial to some of you, but I suggest that it is more than what I alluded to. Think of it as self-validation. Think of it as an honest expression from someone who actually exists and also recognizes that you exist, and, even have a birthday. Sure you put your birthday in your profile information so I don't have to really remember it, but I did take the time to write one and a half words on your wall. I didn't hire any robots or spiders or other spam systems to do it for me. My fingers actually pressed down on the keys. Really. You're welcome.

But of course that isn't to say that I only validate humans. How many of you are friends with dogs or other pets? Me too.

Fear of Public Speaking

(Above image taken from this site)

I know some of you have heard of a top list of what people most dislike. Many of them go something like this:

1. Traffic

2. Work

3. Public Speaking

4. Death

It is an interesting list. People dislike public speaking more than death. A bit extreme? Perhaps. I however, am a very staunch outlier. I love public speaking. Public speaking is my superficial domain. When I stand up in front of a group I can be bigger than myself, gather attention with my inflection and pauses, and be lauded for my eloquence.  In common conversation with friends and family I cannot have the same dramatic effect. So I relish in it when I can get it.

On another note, I wanted to post the Schmidt Sting Pain Index of painful insect bites, that I'm sure most people would prefer to public speaking:

1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.

1.2 Fire any: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet and reaching for the light switch.

1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.

2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.

2.x Honey bee and European hornet: Like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.

3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.

3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic and burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.

4.0 Tarantula hawk: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath.

4.0+ Bullet ant: Pure, intense, brilliant pain.  Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail in your heal

Tarantula hawk image taken from this blog 

Narcissism

In recent weeks, narcissism has come back into fashion (not that it was ever out).  People all over the world are becoming their own Barbie.  Everyone has their own method for preening and gawking at themselves.  Some go to the gym for hours not just to lift weights and run on the treadmill, but to watch themselves do it in the mirror and see their rippling muscles bulge in the rhythm of popular classic rock songs.  Some people go to tanning salons, pools, or spas, and follow their visit by a self-stare down in the mirror.  When they look in the mirror they see more than themselves, they see a raw power that they own and control, and love.  It is perhaps a trend you might want to start.

People have begun to neglect their friends, pets, house chores, work, school, and other obligations because they seem more content to stare at their image in the mirror or in a car window, fixing their hair and making their clothes fit just right.  Some people have taken it to other extremes.  The blind are not left out on this.  They cannot see themselves, so instead, many of them record themselves talking about and to themselves, so they can later listen and admire their own voices and the amazingness that is only theirs.  

So loneliness has finally been cured.  For sure there is always at least one person who will love you, and, you have complete control over that person.  Give yourself a hug, a pat on the back, or rub your own head (and then fix your hair afterwards), because hey, you deserve it.

Like, Love, Just do it.

I was talking to a friend the other day, as is my custom, and I asked her what I thought was a simple question with an easy answer. I asked, "Do you have your eye on anyone these days?" Translation: "Who do you like?" And, her response baffled me. I mean, I suppose there were only two ways to go on the question, but I generally assume the answer to be yes. So when she said no, I had to pry. And, upon a little prying discovered she did in fact like someone, but denied the possibility of it working out to herself, so refused to accept that she actually had feelings for this person. It was a self-protective attitude, that in my mind is not really self-serving, or hopeful.

We all like people. From day to day, moment to moment. It can be a physical attraction, an emotional attraction, or it can even be a spiritual attraction. There are many ways and reasons to like people. But, there is a distinct difference in my mind between like and love. Like is not deep. Like is not particularly committal. It's not. It's the possibility of future love, if the other side reciprocates and things work out. But it's okay to like people without reciprocation. And, here's a jump, but it's okay to love people without reciprocity. It hurts sure, but that's life. Life isn't running around in cloven meadows with flowers in your hair humming Beatles' songs (as euphoric as that might be, and I'm sure some of you and the cheeba may have actually experienced it on a regular basis). So, if you are asked if you like someone, it's okay to say yes. What are you afraid of? There is no need for fear. Let your heart go. Let it be wild. Let it be tempered only a little by your mind.

Now speaking from the other side, it is difficult to like or love. But rewarding. In your own mind you know why, who and how you'd like to see it turn out, but when you try to understand how they feel, unless they are straight forward (rare in my experience), you are left writhing in ambiguity and uncertainty. That's why being straight forward is kinder for both parties. If you are unwilling to say what you think and how you feel, you are not serving yourself or anyone else. It can torture people that you may not want a relationship out of, but with whom you still want to remain friends. So, the best way to deal with it is to be blunt. Don't play the game. There is no need for masks and hidden intentions. Be an open page, and expect the same. But of course, don't be surprised if you don't get what you want. But, fortunately there are people out there who feel the same and it's just a matter of time until things work out. Above all hope. And just live your life.