New Exhibit at the Smithsonian

I know, I know you've been anxious. Well, you're not the only one. For years many people have been bored out of their minds with the Smithsonian Museum. Too much wax, too many things to read, too many old bones. People asked for something real. Something now. Something that they could truly enjoy with the whole family. Well, our Commander-in-Chief obliged. 

The latest exhibit? President Obama's nose hair. 

The hair was carefully trimmed, culled, and individually selected to give people the highest quality museum experience. The White House barber, Sam Colenti, was quite pleased with the result and calls it his, "Obra Prima" or "Masterpiece".

"There can be little doubt. It is truly a great day for our museum. I was getting worried that we were going to be left out of this exciting new era of politics. Fortunately the President was very accommodating, giving us the best nose hair he had. He's such a giver. The exhibit is more than I ever could have hoped for," said Donald McDermott, the curator for the museum.

Guests also are pleased with the exhibit. Some coming from as far as the Philippines to see it. Maggie Glynden, of Monterrey, California, had this to say:

"After walking around looking at stupid rocks and stuff animals I was thinking it was going to be the worst day of my life....but then I saw this neon sign and heard a bunch of 'ooos' and 'ahs'. As I got closer the luster was brighter than the noon day sun. There they were. Tiny strands of mighty hair from the greatest nose to ever sniffle. It was breathtaking. Really."

"Some people may wonder how much such an exhibit costs, or even, what the point is. Well, it's simple. It cost $15 million dollars, and its purpose is to motivate people to get out and enjoy this country again. To enjoy its government again. To live again!" said Obama.

As he said this to me I looked around. I felt like I was at a rock concert. It was like Woodstock, but if the performers were all one guy who wore a suit and tie and stuttered contemplatively every now and then. I had to have some of that hair. It would be like finding an eternal rabbit's foot. The holy grail of luck charms. But as I attempted to get my own sample I was blocked by Secret Service Agents and sent home to blog about it. I haven't been this excited since they opened the exhibit for George Washington's false teeth.

Good Cereal Advertisements

It is one question that has plagued the minds of all Americans for years: "What ever happened to good cereal advertisements?" Back in the day we had Tony the Tiger, the Smacks Frog, Count Chocula, Lucky the Leprechaun, Snap, Crackle, and Pop, the Trix rabbit, Sonny, The Cinnamon Toast Crunch guys, Captain Crunch, Toucan Sam, and the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee. But where are they now? Where have all the good times gone?

Well, if you remember from only a short while ago, that cute little chimpanzee who starred in the Cocoa Puffs commercials went bonkers in Connecticut and mauled a lady (my condolences to the dead ape and his victim).

But what about Tony? Well, it's true that he shows up from time to time with Olympic celebrities, but it's been widely reported that he is an overweight alcoholic. Apparently the stress of always saying "They're Grrrreat" as his life was falling apart around him was too much.

Count Chocula on the other hand, met a much more immediately fatal fate. As it turns out, he got into a fight with Lucky the Leprechaun over whose cereal had more vitamins and was staked in the heart by the marshmallow that didn't make it into the Lucky Charms box: the shillelagh.

The Smacks Frog also met a similarly abrupt end. While on vacation in the French Riviera, he was confused with someone's frog leg dinner. After he was made an amputee he went to Paris and committed suicide by weaving in and out of traffic on the Champs-Elysees.

The Honey Nut Cheerios Bee is not around as much anymore because of the recent and mysterious bee plague that is killing off much of his family. General Mills has given him the year off.

Captain Crunch became Mayor of San Francisco and spends most of his time in the Castro District.

The Trix rabbit, enraged by always being denied the cereal he so adamantly promoted went berserk, throwing carrots and eating children in a strip mall near Boca Raton, Florida. Prior to being caught by authorities, he posed as the Easter bunny and was trampled by little children.

Snap, Crackle, and Pop started a Boy Band that flopped, and now they are pursuing solo careers. Snap might even make it into next season's American Idol.

The Golden Crisp Bear is still around, but he is even more mellow now than he was in his commercials. He spends most of his time in a refurbished VW bus toking it up with his edgy buddy Sonny, from the Cocoa Puffs' commercials.

The Cinnamon Toast Crunch Bakers have all recently died of heart related problems. Too many cinnamon rolls and not enough exercise appear to be the main cause. That and the skinnier one had a heroine problem.

Toucan Sam was released into a wild game reserve in Brazil earlier this year, and was subsequently killed by a very accurate blow dart hunter.

So there you have it. Is there a chance that cereal advertisements will make a comeback? Maybe. But you can be sure that we will see plenty more generic American breakfast table scenes with everyone smiling and laughing for no apparent reason in the meantime.